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Wayne Rooney Scored A Hat Trick, Swore In Celebration, Got A Two-Match Ban
Premier League justice is worse than Sheriff Goodell's....

Charles Barkley's Dome Is Clean If Only In The Mind Of One VCU Fan With A Rag
Tomorrow night, Charles Barkley, who recently admitted to the David Letterman-viewing world that he just recently learned college basketball games had two 20-minute halves, will return to presumably talk about UConn and Butler. If he's aware they'll be playing in the national championship game, th...

The Kentucky Wildcats Refused To Go Down Without A Fight Or An Internationally-Televised Nut Tap
Your morning roundup for April 3, the day it became clear that 16-year-old girls at meth labs hope you have rabies....

Your Final Four Open Thread
In the evening's first Final Four game, the Virginia Commonwealth University Rams tip-off against the Butler University Bulldogs around 6:09 p.m....

This Nine-Year-Old Kid Might Well Be The World's Next Greatest Soccer Player
This lad, who has yet to be publicly identified, is being called "The Japanese Messi." For good reason. The kid's got footwork, pace and panache to the point where the guy who coached "The Real Messi" as a youth has linked to this clip via Twitter. Or, it could just be a farce, which would be sad....

Watch A Frat-Boy Flyers Fan Flip The Fuck Out On His Bros
Brah here goes to Penn State. When he went out to study for a "very important test," Brah's bros covered his bed with, per the summary of whomever posted this video, "hundreds of plastic solo cups." Dude....

Jose Canseco's Latest Tragicomedy Plays Out On Boston Radio
The controversy over Jose Canseco's no-show at one of his silly celebrity boxing matches has reached almost a full week of coverage thanks to the public piss-off between Jose and promoter Damon Feldman. Did Jose knowingly dick over the fight promoter and send his twin brother Ozzie to fight for him...

Science! Picks Your World Series Champion
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: The Predictalator is back, this time simulating the 2011 baseball season 50,000 times to fin...

Prepare A Banquet For Kegasus, The New Preakness Centaur Mascot
The Preakness, like all of horse racing, has a problem: no one really gives a shit anymore. It got to the point where Pimlico nearly lost the race....

Let's Start The Day With A Story About Kindness
Your morning roundup for March 27, the day people continue to concern themselves with Dennis W. Peterson losing his front teeth at a Hooters....

Calculating The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air's Usage Rate, And What It Can Tell Us About Ball Hogs
This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective. Over the next few days, they'll be applying rigorous statistical analysis to some of the finest basketball movies in the history of cinema (and also Hoosiers). Today we have some b...

Identity Of The Lady Who Bared Her Rump For All To See In The Seventies Is Finally Exposed
Your morning roundup for March 24, the day an 8.5-point underdog taps into its inner Jersey Shore, all Socs-versus-Greasers style....

Qataris Develop Artificial Cloud To Keep Pitch Cool During World Cup
Qatar 2022 will undoubtedly see at least 15 times more pissing and moaning than we had to endure during the South African World Cup last year, but if even half the technology proposed for the games comes to light, it'll remain a fantastic spectacle....

Watch Manny Ramirez Almost Kill Roy Oswalt
Roy Oswalt was struck "in the upper body" with a line drive hit off of Manny Ramirez's bat today in Port Charlotte, Fla. Crossing Broad captured the video, and while at first glance it appears to hit him in the back of the head, initial reports state that he was struck above the right shoulder and...

Lawrence Taylor On His Prostitutes: "I Don't Card Them"
Today, Lawrence Taylor went on Studio B with Shepard Smith and rambled nonsensically and sometimes offensively about having sex with a 16-year-old prostitute in upstate New York a year ago. He said awful things ("It's the world of prostitution. You never know what you're gonna get, if it's gonna b...

So, Who’s Gonna Get Relegated From The Premier League?
The top of the Premier League ain't that exciting. Arsenal will fall away, Chelsea will come back into it and push Man Utd for a bit before dropping out to leave Fergie and his phone to win it with two games to spare....

UFC 128: A Hero Is Made And Dollars Are Born
NEWARK — Newark is as close as the UFC can get to New York City, but it's still too far. In the week leading up to the light heavyweight championship bout between Jon "Bones" Jones and Mauricio "Shogun" Rua on Saturday night, the UFC welcomed fans to Radio City Music Hall, paraded a painted Chuck Li...

Donald Sterling Has Seized The "Guy Who Hates Cancer Patients" Label
Several tipsters took it upon themselves to point out a story about then-Los Angeles Clippers assistant coach Kim Hughes's battle with prostate cancer, and how the necessary surgery wasn't covered by the team's medical-insurance plan. There were plenty of stories and posts about it this week. In on...

LeBron James Turned The Atlanta Hawks Into The Cleveland Cavaliers For 12 Minutes
Your morning roundup for March 19, the day after it became wise to snatch a few domain names ending in ".xxx"....

The Strange Comedy Of A PR Person Pitching You Your Own Story
A few months ago, I wrote a story about Georges St. Pierre for Men's Health magazine. It just came out. The magazine sent me to Montreal to watch St. Pierre fight Josh Koscheck. A month after that, I met St. Pierre again at a photo shoot, where I was reminded that being a writer on pieces like these...