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Cardio And Pooping: A Chart Of Every MLB Player Who Reportedly Lost Or Gained Weight This Offseason (And Why)
Every spring training, seemingly every other ballplayer shows up to camp and declares himself "in the best shape of my life." Our pal Craig Calcaterra over at HardballTalk has done yeoman's work on this phenomenon over the years, but we wanted to know more: Who gained weight? Who lost weight? How mu...
<i>Silent House</i> And The Rise Of The Gimmicky Horror Movie
On Friday, the horror movie Silent House comes out. One of its selling points is that it stars Elizabeth Olsen—who was terrific last year in a very different sort of horror film, Martha Marcy May Marlene—but probably the hook that will be most intriguing to genre fans is that the whole movie takes p...
Giants Eject Angels Scout From The Ballpark, And Now Everybody's Angry
You might not realize it, but the most interesting place in the baseball universe is Scottsdale, Arizona. Last week saw a mass bee attack hold up a Giants game, and yesterday brought us our first feud of the 2012 season as Giants manager Bruce Bochy kicked out an Angels scout....
The Data Behind Yu Darvish's Brief But Devastating Debut
Texas Rangers hurler Yu Darvish made quite the spring training debut today against the San Diego Padres. (Of course, he cost the team more than $107 million, spent the last seven years pitching competitively in Japan, and these were the Padres, so you'd think he would do OK.) Still, thanks to some f...
Clint Dempsey Is Officially Too Good For Fulham
From now until the end of the season, we'll be posting a number of clips from the previous weekend's English Premier League games. If there's a goal, save, dive, lip-read profanity, or hocked sputum we should know about, drop us a line at [email protected]. (You might also enjoy our better-late-than...
They Don't Make Alien-Punching Movies Like They Used To. <em>John Carter</em>, Reviewed.
1. I know that the main reason John Carter exists right now is because the technology is available to produce it, that you can have armies of CGI characters that don't look ridiculous, that you can invent sprawling vistas of Mars desert, that you can have spaceships crash into spaceships crash into ...
Usain Bolt Vs. Prince Harry In The 25-Meter: Who Ya Got?
If you picked the one wearing the Jamaica shirt—you'd be right, actually, despite his gingerness. It's just good form to let royalty win. Even Princess Diana's riding instructor used to let her be on top every once in a while....
Is It OK For A Movie Trailer To Lie? Or, Why <em>Friends With Kids</em> Is Definitely Not <em>Bridesmaids 2</em>
Last October, a Detroit woman named Sarah Deming filed suit against FilmDistrict for its misleading advertisements for the film Drive. Her claim was that the film's trailers had led her to believe the film was about driving rather than, you know, Ryan Gosling stomping in the orbital bones of various...
Aw, Hell, Here's One More Tim Kurkjian Imitation From Rays Infielder Elliot Johnson
With Linsanity dying out, we needed something new. Call it Kurkjianomie....
Red Sox Minor Leaguer Pete Ruiz Has His Own Tim Kurkjian Impression
It's more understated than Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia's, we'll argue. Arencibia's is perhaps funnier—he brought Kurkjian's voice to a comically high pitch—but Ruiz's seems more precise. He's Darrell Hammond to Arencibia's Will Ferrell....
Inside The Spring Training Market For $4 Porn
Excerpted from former Padre and Blue Jay Dirk Hayhurst's splendid new book, Out of My League, a true chronicle of life as a pitcher bouncing between the minor leagues and the show. Some names have been changed....
Nets Owner Loses Russian Presidential Election Thanks To "Fucking Fuckwits"
It was a long cold Sunday for New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov, who decided a few months ago to challenge Vladimir Putin in the 2012 Russian presidential election. Nyet, Prokhorov! Nyet! As we've noted before, Putin is not only strong leader who crush enemy like Black Sea mosquito but also ma...
Giants And Diamondbacks Wait Out 41-Minute Bee Delay
A cloud of bees settled near the Giants dugout at the D-Backs training facility in Scottsdale, halting play until the grounds crew came up with a brilliant plan. They bought a bunch of lemonade and cotton candy from the food stands, smeared it on two golf carts, and used that to lure the bees away. ...
Soviet Russian Wayne Rooney Presents: Tottenham Hotspur Vs. Manchester United Open Thread
Because soccer is Communist, we figured we'd have a bit of Party-approved fun. Fox Soccer says it's a "Clash of the Giants," though they've been portraying everything, including infomercials, that way for a week. Here's your open thread—er, открытая тема—for today's match at White Hart Lane....
Shirtless Arsenal Fan Is A Bit Too Excited About The Gunners' 2-1 Win Over Liverpool
Robin van Persie continued his epic goal-scoring campaign in the Premier League today, scoring both Arsenal goals—the second in stoppage time—to lead his team to a road win at Anfield today. It gave van Persie 25 goals on the season in as many matches, and sent this Arsenal supporter into an ecst...
The Oppressively Nihilistic Anti-Comedy Of Tim And Eric, Who Think You're Stupid For Laughing
Every week, Tim Heidecker, with Gregg Turkington (who also performs as Neil Hamburger), hosts a podcast called "On Cinema." Like every other movie podcast, it features two friends and movie nerds talking back and forth about a particular movie. The thing about "On Cinema," though, is that it's horri...
Perrish Cox Found Not Guilty Of Sexual Assault
Former Broncos cornerback Perrish Cox was found not guilty on two counts of sexual assault, stemming from a September 2010 incident in which a woman claimed Cox had sex with her at his home without her consent....
A Teen Movie That Really Wants To Offend You (And Show You Its Boobs). <em>Project X</em>, Reviewed.
Project X is one of those movies I suspect really, really wants certain people to give it bad reviews. Produced by Todd Phillips, the director of the Hangover movies and Old School, this teen comedy has set its sights on nothing less than being the most shameless, most titillating crazy-party film e...
Minor Leaguer Suspended For Refusing Drug Test Says Testers Went To The Wrong Address: "I'm 28 Years Old. I Don't Live With My Mom!"
Yesterday, MLB announced that minor leaguer Justin Dowdy is suspended for 50 games for refusing to take a drug test. Dowdy, a former White Sox pick who spent most of last season with the Giants' AAA Fresno Grizzlies, signed last month with the independent Grand Prairie (Texas) AirHogs and so will ha...
What Happened To Robert De Niro? <em>Being Flynn</em>, Reviewed.
1. When did we lose Robert De Niro? The popular image of Robert De Niro, America's Actor, Master Craftsman, Maestro of Method, has lingered in the public consciousness in spite of his work over the last 20 years rather than because of it. De Niro these days seems far more interested in being The Pub...