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Scary: Braves Coach Airlifted To Hospital After Being Struck By Foul Ball
Former major league and current Braves single-A manager Luis Salazar was standing at the rail of the dugout when he was hit by a foul ball off the bat of Brian McCann in the first inning of today's game.. Salazar was given oxygen, taken off the field on a stretcher, and airlifted to Orlando Regional...

Belgian Goalie Forgets How To Throw At The Worst Possible Time, Assists Opponent's Goal
Sammy Bossut, goalkeeper for Zulte-Waregem in the Belgian Pro League, pulled down a corner kick in a match against Lokeren over the weekend and, channeling a certain Giants quarterback, held onto the ball a little too long in his attempt to throw it down-field. Zulte-Waregem lost 2-1....

Sluggerrr Sued For Ol' Hot-Dog-In-The-Eye Trick
You know, Sluggerrr is quite terrifying when you really look at him. But no one has more to fear from the Royals mascot than John Coomer, who testified this week that he suffered a severe eye injury when he was the target of a thrown hot dog in 2009....

Harvard And Princeton Will Fight Old-Fashioned Douchebag Standoff In Saturday Playoff
Big news for our high net worth contingent: Princeton defeated Penn in the Ivy League's regular-season finale tonight, meaning—you guessed it—the Tigers will battle Tommy Amaker's Harvard squad for the conference's automatic berth in a playoff at Yale on Saturday....

These Are The Emails Jim Tressel Sent While Being Really Serious
So, remember that thing we just told you about Jim Tressel's incredible concern when confronted with news of possible Buckeye crimes and/or NCAA violations?...

Ohio State Suspends And Fines Tressel For Hiding NCAA Violations From School
Jim Tressel, vest-clad leader of young men, was suspended for two games and fined $250,000 today, after Yahoo! Sports reported Monday that the coach had known about NCAA violations for eight months before the university found out....

ESPN3 Was Creepily Fixated On Cam Newton's Body All Afternoon
ESPN3 composed its love letter to Cam Newton today, with more than four hours of filming him walking around the field at Auburn's official pro day. Viewers were treated to Cam posing in backpack, Cam joking with teammates, Cam bending over to tie his shoes, Cam stretching his legs, and at the very...

A Message From Sepp Blatter On International Women's Day
I suppose we should have expected Sepp Blatter to hoist himself onto a soapbox this morning. It is, after all, the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, which means it's also a perfect opportunity for Blatter to bleat some of the shameless agitprop for which he's beloved:...

American Hero Catches Flying Bat, Doesn't Spill Beer
David Goldman of the AP caught this magical snapshot on Friday at the Jays-Braves game in Kissimmee. Mitch Davie is the Gators fan with the quick hands, protecting his seatmates and protecting his drink. Props to him for stepping up and preventing something like this, and props to the Braves for ser...

Extremely Intoxicated Priest Offered Himself Up As Sex Slave To Some Cops
When Brimfield Township, Ohio police came up upon the Very Reverend Canon Ignatius J. Kury, Pastor the other night, the holy man was laying down in the back seat of his ride, hammered. This much was confirmed when he blew three times the legal limit. That's around the time that they decided to star...

Elijah Dukes Is In Jail For Slapping His Pregnant Ex-Girlfriend
"Dukes, 26, was arrested Wednesday on charges of aggravated battery on a pregnant woman and driving with a revoked or suspended license... He was being held without bond." The rap career must be on hold, then. [AP]...

Hockey Enforcer Bob Probert Suffered Degenerative Brain Disease
The brain researchers to whom Bob Probert donated his postmortem brain will announce Thursday that the late NHL tough-guy suffered from chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) when he died of a heart attack last summer. CTE is the condition in which concussion concerns from the NFL on down to youth ...

It Must Be March If The Cubs Are Fighting Each Other In The Dugout
After giving up a six-run inning courtesy of a handful of errors, Carlos Silva returned to the dugout and got into a fight. It was broken up, he was removed from the game, and kept away from reporters afterward because he was "not in the right frame of mind to talk." Cubs Spring Training, people! [C...

Deadspin Presents An Interpretive Rendering Of Cal Ripken Jr.'s Young Adult Book
We received an email from Cal Ripken Jr.'s publicity team at Random House, which will release his three-CD audiobook, HOTHEAD, next Tuesday. HOTHEAD (the caps are apparently intentional) is about a Babe Ruth League shortstop named Connor Sullivan and is "loosely based on challenges Ripken himself ...

The First Look At The Mustachioed Mopper From Texas
Your morning roundup for March 1, the day Charlie Sheen rode a mercury surfboard on the media tsunami....

Charlie Sheen Still Doing Insane Interviews, Now Channeling Allen Iverson
In Charlie Sheen's interview with Jeff Rosen of Today this morning, the former star of Two and a Half Men said that overdosing is "for amateurs" and AA is for "people who don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA," and further immortalized himself by referencing, in his words, "the great Allen Iverson...

Here's A Soccer Player Kicking A Defenseless Fluffy Owl In The Face
This is a clip from a Sunday match between Junior Barranquilla and Deportivo Pereira of Colombia's Primara A. The owl, which is apparently Junior's club pet, made it on to the field in the middle of play and Pereira defender Luis Moreno swiftly booted it three meters off the field. Moreno hasn't b...

Rip Hamilton Yelled At Coach John Kuester So Hard The Younger Pistons Were Mortified
Your morning roundup for Feb. 27, the day that Earth's show-business sect finally recognizes all that Queen Amidala of Naboo has done for them, and for all the rebellion....

Oakland Man Just Wants Customized Raiders Leg Back
Oakland man Darryl Turner has had plenty of challenges in his life, losing his leg and paralyzing his arm in a motorcycle accident 25 years ago. He then spent the ensuing 25 years as a Raiders fan. And now someone's made off with his silver-and-black prosthesis....

Major League Booger-Picking, Possible Booger-Eating In Montreal
Sorry chum, hate to call you out on this, but you've got seats behind the bench, and with our jealously comes the desire to make fun of you for going to town on (inter)national TV....