pr Page 766 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Obama's Two Favorite Things Are The Steelers, Making Children Cry
A group of kindergarteners had their hearts broken yesterday when they showed up for a White House tour and were told they couldn't come in because staff had to prepare for the President's visit with the Pittsburgh Steelers. Also, because the tears of the innocent give Barack Obama sustenance....
Yuk It Up, Stoners. The Olympics Torch Looks Like A Doob.
At left is the official torch of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, and, yes, I realize it looks like someone rolled up half of Humboldt County in the world's biggest Zig Zag....
Hell No, We Don't Want Bobby V. To Go!
Rally the troops! Chiba Lotte fans are protesting to retain manager Bobby Valentine, hanging this banner: "We would rather fight with Bobby, who says we're the world's best fans, than with a front office who calls us worthless." For you non-Japanese speakers, that roughly translates to Backwards K. ...
Michael Vick Escapes From Prison!
Convicted dog murderer Michael Vick snuck out of the federal penitentiary in Leavenworth under the cover of darkness this morning, completely undetected by the media. How does he do it?!...
MLB.com Really Can't Figure Out This Whole Death Thing
According to MLB.com, Nick Adenhart is still the 35th best major league prospect. However, right above his profile, there is an editor's note explaining that he died....
Mariotti Offers A Comforting Hand To Kornheiser, Himself
Shouty Jay Mariotti says he'll miss Tony Kornheiser on MNF, a man with whom he feuded cattily for indeterminate reasons over the years. This seems mystifyingly bighearted until you realize he's actually writing about himself....
For Once, The San Francisco Giants Do Something Smart With Their Money
The Giants have been tinkering with what the propeller-heads like to call "dynamic pricing" — raising or lowering prices depending on variables like weather or pitching matchups. Where I'm from, we just call this "scalping."...
James Harrison Snubs Obama, America
The Steelers' Silverback linebacker has caused many sports fans and journalists to gasp and mutter "you dumb bastard" under their breath after he scoffed at the White House invite....
If You Ban It, They Won't Come
"It" being "unlimited beer." This, and six other cogent reasons why this year's Preakness might be Baltimore's last....
Manchester United Secures Third Straight Premier League Title
A 0-0 draw with Arsenal did the trick. Man U is now tied with Liverpool with 18 titles all-time. And now I'm going to stop talking about soccer before I get something wrong....
Phillies Visit White House
Are they saying "boo" or "Boo-rack"? Get it? Because people from Philly are always booing stuff!...
Requiem For The Pimlico Beer Gauntlet
The 134th Preakness Stakes will take place on Saturday afternoon, but a tradition even older than that has sadly seen its last running—Pimlico Race Course has ended its BYOB infield policy....
Matt Vasgersian: “I Am An Enormous Jagoff”
Our Deadcast guest this week is Matt Vasgersian, anchor for MLB TV, FOX play-by-play announcer, and fan of the site. And, untethered by network restrictions, Matt had some pretty cool shit to say....
Old Boy Network To Let Broad Run In Preakness
Calvin Borel will dump his 50-1 miracle horse to ride Rachel Alexandra—a chick!—in the Preakness, the first Kentucky Derby-winning jockey to switch rides between the two Triple Crown races. [AP]...
No One Shows Up To Watch Jose Canseco Do His 'I Told You So' Dance About Manny
Pity Jose Canseco....
Why Did Kareem Only Hustle In The Playoffs?
Can statistics prove that the NBA regular season is a tedious neverending slog that not even the lazy players can be bothered to care about? [Slate]...
The $69 "Price Is Right" For Gynecologist Steelers Fan
Ladies of Pittsburgh—if you're looking for a new doctor to take care of your unmentionable parts, may I suggest not choosing the crazy Steelers fan who made a $69 bid on "The Price Is Right."...
Mexican Soccer Player Red Carded For Swine Flu
Speaking of bold, unexpected strategies—Guadalajara defender Hector Reynoso has been banned from international competition because he spit and sneezed on opposing players and then told them he had swine flu....
Malcolm Gladwell Wants To Know Why Your Team Doesn't Press More
There's a very lengthy article in The New Yorker this week, from uber-contrarian Malcolm Gladwell arguing that basketball teams should press more often, because it helps weak teams upset strong ones. (Except when it doesn't.)...