pr Page 769 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Minor League Team Invites You To Watch A Game FROM A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
If your lifelong dream has been to watch a minor league baseball game from a 1978 GMC van parked just beyond the outfield near a major river, then you're in luck, my fat motivational-speaking friend....

Woman Somehow Resists Kurt Angle Love Sonnet
You're forgiven if you've forgotten that Kurt Angle was once a serious athlete. In addition to being a championship college grappler, he won a gold medal in freestyle wrestling at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics....

Darren Daulton Still Delightfully Nuts
One would think that with the power of astral travel, Darren Daulton would choose to visit Vienna during the Renaissance, or Rome during the reign of the Caesars. But a card show in Ephrata, Pa.?...

Jose Tabata: Wife 'Completely Falsified Her Pregnancy'
The story of Jose Tabata and his 43-year-old wife is the gift that keeps on giving. Today's episode: She apparently told the 20-year-old outfielder that the baby she (allegedly) abducted was his....

NCAA Sweet 16: (1) North Carolina vs. (4) Gonzaga
East Region: No. 1 North Carolina (30-4) vs. No. 4 Gonzaga (28-5) When: Thursday, 9:57 p.m., EDT Where: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS 1) Make it Wayne Let's get this out of the way for those waking from comas: Tyler Hansbrough is the ACC's all-time leading scorer and Tywo...

NCAA Sweet 16: (2) Michigan State vs. (3) Kansas
West Region: No. 2 Michigan State (28-6) vs. No. 3 Kansas (27-7) When: Thursday, 9:37 p.m., EDT Where: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Indiana MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS 1) START THE CLOCK! I would like to thank Pete for reminding me about one of the darkest moments in MSU basketball history. (See b...

Hanley Ramirez Fights The Power And Seethes
Upset with the Marlins stringent new dress code, Marlins shortstop Hanley Ramirez Sharpie'd" I'm sick of this shit" on his chest to protest. [NBC Miami]...

NCAA Sweet 16: (2) Oklahoma vs. (3) Syracuse
South Region: No. 2 Oklahoma (29-5) vs. No. 3 Syracuse (28-9) When: Friday, 7:27 p.m., EDT Where: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee OKLAHOMA SOONERS 1) So we meet again The last time Oklahoma and Syracuse met on the hardwood, it was in the East regional final of the 2003 NCAA tournament. The third-se...

More Thinking Outside The Box From The NFL Meetings
The NFL "is exploring the possibility of having sponsor logos worn unobtrusively on practice jerseys." For the Bengals I suggest Chico's Bail Bonds. [USA Today]...

NCAA Sweet 16: (1) Louisville vs. (12) Arizona
Midwest Region: No. 1 Louisville (30-5) vs. No. 12 Arizona (21-13) When: Friday, 7:07 p.m., EDT Where: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Indiana LOUISVILLE CARDINALS 1) Introducing T-Will Terrence Williams, better known as T-Will, is as exciting and athletic as any player entering the dance. He is ...

Gentle, Velvety Hammer Of Justice Falls In Miguel Tejada Steroids Case
Astros star gets one year's probation, $5,000 fine for "misleading congress." Wait a minute; don't they do that to each other every minute they're in session? [San Francisco Chronicle]...

Use All Of These You Want, You're Not Going To Help Sabathia
As is befitting a team with a mascot named Thunder, the Lake Elsinore Storm (Class A, California League) is giving out free samples of Subtle Butt anti-fart shields at their weekly all-you-can-eat Tuesday home games....

NCAA Sweet 16: (2) Duke vs. (3) Villanova
East Region: No. 2 Duke (30-6) vs. No. 3 Villanova (28-7) When: Thursday, 9:57 p.m., EDT Where: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts DUKE BLUE DEVILS 1) Zoooooooooooubek Anyone who watched Villanova pound UCLA into frightened little schoolgirls knows that the key to this weekend's matchup is...

NCAA Sweet 16: (2) Memphis vs. (3) Missouri
West Region: No. 2 Memphis (33-3) vs. No. 3 Missouri (30-6) When: Thursday, 9:37 p.m., EDT Where: University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale, Arizona MEMPHIS TIGERS 1) Crack open those history books Although the casual college basketball fan knows Memphis for their recent run of Elite 8 appearances (...

NCAA Sweet 16: (1) Connecticut vs. (5) Purdue
West Region: No. 1 Connecticut (29-4) vs. No. 5 Purdue (27-9) When: Thursday, 7:07 p.m., EDT Where: University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale, Arizona CONNECTICUT HUSKIES 1) More Than the Sum of their Parts The Huskies have made a habit of winning without key individuals all season long. Forward Sta...

Tim Tebow's Promise Will Outlast Us All
We lost this in the March Madness shuffle, but it must not go unmentioned that Tim Tebow's immortal pledge has finally been consecrated in stone. So it is written, so it has been done....

President Clinton Will Hedge His NCAA Bets, Thank You
It's now been well established that President Obama likes college basketball. But did you know former President Bill Clinton likes hoops, too? It's true, and Clinton would like to share his picks with you, kinda....

It Appears Bob Knight Has Been Sitting Too Close To Bob Ryan
So that's it for the first 75% of today's NCAA not-so-craziness. Sussman told me can't type any sentence that doesn't fit onto a bingo card and he's beginning to hallucinate....

Look, Jackasses, KU Played Today. What The Shit Did You Expect?
Your beloved Comment Of The Week segment will appear Monday....

Adrian Peterson's Community College Economic Stimulus Package
The Vikings' Adrian Peterson and other NFL players come to the rescue of Northern Iowa Area Community College, donating "close to $150,000" to keep the football program from folding. [The Globe Gazette]...