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The Audacity Of Gulp: President Obama Enjoys A Frosty Beverage At Wizards Game
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Pacman Jones Making Most Of His Current Unemployment
So, here's some interesting news. Ex-Cowboys' defensive back/special teamer/trouble-magnet Adam "Pacman" Jones has now signed up for the upcoming season of "Pros Vs. Joes." What could possibly go wrong?...

Intolerable Cruelty: Our Women Ruminate On The Art Of The Prank
It's time for Waxing Off, the Deadspin feature that will go topless if you throw it beads. This Friday's topic: Sports pranks....

Maurice Clarett Seeks Salvation, Bandwidth
Maurice Clarett: Prison blogger? Yep, the former running back who is serving time for robbery and other charges has been blogging from prison since Oct. of 2008, according to his archives....

Revisiting Jeff Reed's Paper Towel Freakout: An Investigative Report
You're probably thinking to yourself, "Hey, did they ever fix the towel dispenser that Jeff Reed broke?" That or you were thinking of pie. Quite often it's pie....

Sharks' Practice Rink Is Cursed, Or Something
Two recreational league players collapse and die within hours of each other while playing hockey at Sharks Ice in San Jose. [San Jose Mercury]...

Obama's Brother-In-Law Says 'Yes We Can'
The popular choice for Pac-10 men's basketball Coach of the Year? Oregon State's Craig Robinson, who took the worst program in America and completely turned it around. Change we can believe in....

Selena Roberts May Have A Couple Of Curves For A-Rod, Readers
Attention Oprah's Book Club readers: The publishing date of Selena Roberts' tell-all tome on Alex Rodriguez has been moved up to late April. And it may pack more of a punch than previously thought....

Randy Johnson Will Still Put A Ball In Your Neck If You Test Him
"In Johnson's first throwing session against Giants hitters on Saturday, his new teammates took a few too many pitches for his taste. Unabashedly incensed, Johnson grumbled afterward, 'Swing the stinking bat!' [NY TIMES]...

Maryland Would Like To Know If Duke Has Prince Albert In A Can
Jokesters on a Maryland message board posted the phone number of the hotel that Duke's hoops team was staying in last night and the results were a sad indictment of the current state of college pranks....

Dave Bing Wants To Be Mayor Of Detroit For Some Reason
Here's all you need to know about Dave Bing: He enters campaign rallies to the tune of "The Final Countdown," as an announcer yells: "Here's your favorite Detroit Piston, starting for the City of Detroit!"...

Pittsburgh Still Having Trouble With This No. 1 Thing
One week ago, Pittsburgh was an unstoppable juggernaut asserting their dominance by thrashing a previously unbeatable behemoth. Today, everyone is scratching their heads and saying, "What's wrong with those guys?"...

Was Jim Calhoun Playing Fast And Loose With The Numbers?
Before Jim Calhoun's weekend press conference rant reaches YouTube meme proportions ("I'm forty! I'm a man!"), I think it's important that we look at the numbers he quoted and adjust them for inflation....

Should God Be Allowed In The High School Locker Room? (Not Until I Find My Pants)
East Brunswick High football coach Marcus Borden has a big problem, and it has nothing to do with his team's uniforms (although it should). Welcome to the nation's least-controversial subject: Prayer in school....

Premier League Club Kindly Asks Its Fans To Keep The Noise Down
The English are legendary for their politeness, but this is ridiculous—below is a real letter that was sent by Middlesbrough FC to their own fans, scolding them for being too darn loud....

Jim Bunning, Still Several Kinds Of Nuts
Jim Bunning, part of one of the most dramatic collapses in baseball history, seems to be watching his political career crumble around him as well. Let's get right to the highlights....

Bob Probert Heritage Night? Um, OK
Blackhawks honor their former enforcer who is best known as a Red Wing, and for his legal problems following retirement. Makes sense to me. [Between The Pipes]...

There Are No Alligator Wrestlers In Cleveland's Locker Room
David Dellucci told some beat writers he hurt himself wrestling an alligator. Some of them actually believed him. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]...

Shooting's A Sport, Right?
I mean, if biathlon is an Olympic sport, then surely this counts as sport-related. I have no idea where or why this video exists, but it does and we are all better for it....

The Montreal Canadiens Need To Find Better Friends
The 100th season of the Montreal hockey club has had ups and downs, but it's not clear yet where "finding out two of your players are mobbed up" falls on the spectrum of season highlights....