Lucas Moura Cooking Chris Smalling Is A Metaphor For Tottenham's Spanking Of Man United

It takes a firm lashing of José Mourinho’s asscheeks to get him to walk into a press conference and opine about international humanitarian crises before storming out of the room while doing an unironic Birdman impression, and that’s exactly what Tottenham administered to Mourinho’s Manchester United yesterday. If you…

Paul Pogba's Agent Shit-Talks Man United Legend, And Things Are Looking Bad

Following Manchester United for the couple years, it’s hard to combat the sense that Paul Pogba isn’t very happy at the club right now. But for as up-and-down as his return to England has been, it seems like right now—with his manager criticizing him and the team playing poorly and unadventurously and credible reports…

Extremely Not-Desperate Chelsea Break The Bank To Sign Their Second-Choice Keeper

The very gloomy outlook for Chelsea’s upcoming Premier League season just got a little bit brighter, albeit at a hefty cost. The Blues welcomed a new goalkeeper to the club today in Athletic Bilbao’s Kepa Arrizabalaga, who pretty understandably just goes by “Kepa” most of the time. Kepa’s price tag, paid a day before…

Arsène Wenger: Oh God, What Was I Doing At Arsenal For The Last 22 Years?

Pretty much the entire back half of manager Arsène Wenger’s 22-year tenure with Arsenal could be forgotten with little consequence. After winning a couple titles and then going unbeaten in the 2003-04 Premier League season, Wenger’s accomplishments quickly thinned—a mix of third- and fourth-place finishes balanced out…

Riyad Mahrez Is Now Just Another Dude Scrapping For Attention At Manchester City

The Premier League, as it often does, got a little more top heavy today, after a successful-yet-pragmatic club sold its most valuable player to an elite team that didn’t really need him. Riyad Mahrez—Leicester City’s more beautiful, playmaking compliment to their relentless striker Jamie Vardy—has left the club where…