premier Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Victor Wanyama's Stunning Golazo Kicks Off Insane Spurs-Liverpool Ending
Tottenham’s Victor Wanyama both scored an equalizer for Spurs and demonstrated the very high quality of the Premier League nets on an absolute bullet of a strike against Liverpool in the 80th minute. And that’s just where the craziness starts....
Riyad Mahrez Is Trapped In Leicester
Leicester City star Riyad Mahrez missed training today. It was the fourth consecutive session he’s not attended, and not because of an injury or any other valid excuse that would justify his skipping of practice. No, Mahrez has missed training because he’s mad at the club, and it’s hard not to feel ...
Report: West Ham Director Doesn't Want African Players Because They "Cause Mayhem"
After being confronted with leaked emails in which he advocated against signing a Senegalese player, West Ham’s director of player recruitment Tony Henry admitted to the Daily Mail that the club does not want to sign any more African players....
Arsenal Are Having A Shockingly Great Transfer Deadline Day
Well, well, would you look at that. Ol’ Arsène had an ace up his sleeve after all, and Arsenal have locked in two players on this transfer deadline day who will give Gooners everywhere something to cheer for once and, even more importantly, some much needed hope....
Three-Team Standoff Hopefully Will Not End With Arsenal's Dick Getting Shot Off
Famously star-crossed Premier League club Arsenal have already had a bad winter transfer window. Just last week the Gunners let Manchester United Debo them out of their best player, Alexis Sánchez, and the only thing that could even kind of almost halfway redeem them from that humiliating chump move...
Man City Spend More Of Their Unlimited Money On Yet Another Wildly Expensive Defender
Manchester City are one of the biggest and most ambitious clubs in world soccer. In order to realize their silver-lined aspirations, they need lots and lots of money to invest in the team. Luckily for them, they have more money than god thanks to the backing of the Abu Dhabi royal family which owns ...
Three Heads And Two Teams Combine For One Very Dumb Goal
This is the kind of goal that makes me want to laugh and puke at the same time. On the one hand, it’s objectively hilarious when world-class athletes are reduced to helpless props in a pinball blooper. On the other, if Marcos Alonso or Antonio Rüdiger were positioned just inches differently, they co...
Arsenal Punked Out Of Yet Another Star Player
If you had to pick a single image to represent Arsenal’s enduring subjugation in English soccer’s hierarchy, you could do a lot worse than one showing Robin van Persie lifting the Premier League trophy. van Persie famously pined for that title after failing to win it with Arsenal after nearly a deca...
James McCarthy Suffers Brutal Leg Break While Trying To Block A Shot
Everton midfielder James McCarthy suffered an injury that had his opponent in tears during Saturday’s Everton-West Brom second half. When Salomón Rondón went to take a shot on goal, McCarthy got in between the West Brom player and the ball. So when Rondón took a shot, he ended up kicking McCarthy’s ...
Chelsea Return From Brink Of Despair With Gorgeous Team Goal
Chelsea fans entered today’s game against Brighton and Hove Albion in panic mode. Sitting tied for third in the Premier League but with no shot at winning the title, the team had appeared to have given up. They had scored one goal in their last four games, and had yet to win a match in regulation in...
Burnley Manager Denies Eating Worms But Admits To Sucking On Them
Burnley manager Sean Dyche seems like the kind of guy who would munch on a big bowl of tree bark, rocks, and beetles for breakfast every morning and make a big show of it if for no other reason than to prove how much of a hardass he is. Thus it wasn’t too much of a stretch to believe a former teamma...
The Liverpool-Man City Match Was A Classic From The Premier League's New Golden Age
The English Premier League has been the most famous and purely entertaining soccer league for ages now. No other domestic league can match England’s in top-to-bottom competitiveness, in the sheer number of historically and consistently great clubs, in blustery, throat-hoarsening fan engagement, in w...
Manchester United Need To Stay The Fuck Away From Our Wonderteen
The good thing about having one of the soccer world’s most coveted young attacking prospects is that the eyes of the game’s biggest clubs will be focused on the kid, each team projecting out his possibly incredible future and positioning themselves to snatch it for themselves if they so decide to ma...
Romelu Lukaku Did Not Leave Everton Because Of "Voodoo"
Farhad Moshiri, the majority shareholder of Everton, took some time at a shareholders’ meeting yesterday to explain, according to him, why his club could not convince former Toffee and current Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku not to leave last summer. Moshiri’s bizarre explanation—that Lukaku...
Liverpool Mayor Writes Nutty Letter To The FA Calling For Investigation Of Ross Barkley Transfer
Joe Anderson is the mayor of Liverpool. He is also a diehard and delusional Everton fan. It is presumably this mix of a mayor’s political sway and a fan’s righteous indignation that inspired him to call the cops and ask them to investigate a transfer he didn’t like....
José Mourinho And Antonio Conte Are In An Outrageously Unprofessional And Deliciously Petty Beef
José Mourinho and Antonio Conte do not like each other. You might have picked up on this fact over the past week or so, seeing as the two managers have been openly slamming each other in the media like a couple rappers going verse-for-verse in a freestyle battle. The resulting insults have been as p...
Liverpool And Barcelona Agree To £142 Million Transfer Fee For Philippe Coutinho
The once-dead Coutinho-to-Barcelona transfer, a hot rumor of the post-Neywatch soccer landscape, is now, suddenly, a done deal: today Barcelona and Liverpool reportedly agreed to a £142 million transfer fee that will send the midfielder to Catalonia. Per ESPN:...
The Coutinho-To-Barcelona Transfer Saga Is Back On, And Might Actually Happen This Time
This past summer was a great one for aficionados of melodramatic transfer window soap operas. The most passion-inflamed and drama-filled ones were the two Barcelona-based series, NeyWatch and One Life to Liverpool. NeyWatch, you probably remember, starred the impossibly hunky Neymar and detailed the...
Andy Carroll Is Very Good At What He Does, If Not Much Else
It’s sort of a shame that the story of Andy Carroll’s sporting career will almost certainly be the arc of his failures. Yes, at 21 years old Carroll was selected as Liverpool’s heir apparent to Fernando Torres’s Merseyside throne, and yes, he failed miserably at making that seat his own—in large par...
Crystal Palace Penalty <i>Almost </i>Ends Man City's Unbeaten Run
Crystal Palace ended Manchester City’s 18-match Premier League win streak today at Selhurst Park, but they could have had so much more than just the draw they came away with. After surviving 90 minutes at 0-0, Palace’s Wilfried Zaha went down in the box on a foul by Raheem Sterling, giving the 17th ...