pst Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Give Theo Epstein And Bill Murray A Buddy Cop Movie, Now
Theo Epstein was rightfully and marvelously tanked last night on national television. Bill Murray, the better of the two Cubs mascots, helped him along his way....

Poorly Disguised Theo Epstein Takes In Cubs Game From The Bleachers
The Chicago Cubs are currently playing the Milwaukee Brewers at Wrigley Field, and some fans noticed that they happened to be sitting in the same section as a guy who looks a lot like Cubs GM Theo Epstein....

Cup Stacking Seems Like a Pretty Chill Sport
According to The New York Times, cup stacking, an event in which people from places like Oregon build a pyramid of cups as fast as humanly possible, is the newest, chillest sport....

World's Best Cycling Team Disinvited From Tour Of Qatar Because They Take Too Long To Change
Riders from Etixx-Quickstep have won eight of the past 10 Tours of Qatar. The race’s crosswinds and wide roads are perfect for the classics-focused squad, and they’ve cleaned up. But they won’t be going this year, because the race’s owners are unhappy with their costume changes....

Poker-Playing Jabroni Can't Stop Shilling His Businesses
Meet Salomon Ponte, the winner of a WPTDeepStacks no-limit hold ’em tournament. After taking first place, he sat down for a post-tourney interview and took the opportunity to relentlessly advertise himself. Everyone has to make a living, but Ponte was seemingly incapable of stopping the hustle....

Theo Epstein Is Getting Everything He Wants
On Tuesday night, Cubs GM Theo Epstein signed Ben Zobrist, one of the most versatile and consistently productive players in baseball, to a four-year, $56 million deal. Just now, he snatched up the best outfielder on the market, 26-year-old Jason Heyward, with a deal reportedly worth $185 million ove...

<i>AP Stylebook</i> Declares Which College Teams Get To Go By Their Initials
I said this the last time I blogged about the Associated Press sports styles, and I’ll say it again: I find this stuff fascinating, and it’s my blog, so if you don’t like it you can just go right back to the toilet you came from....

Laundry School: Everything Is Stained, And Everything Smells
Welcome back to Laundry School—here comes THE BIG ONE. Today we’re taking on stains and smells....

It's Time To Take Channing Tatum Seriously
In the last few years, I’ve noticed a funny trend. My friends and I will be talking affectionately about Channing Tatum’s movies—usually, the Jump Street films—and the other person will suddenly get quiet, like he’s about to make some dark, embarrassing confession to me. “You know, what?” he’ll inva...

The Nats Are Making A Mess Of Their Uniforms, My God
This season, the Nationals have taken up the rather messy celebratory anointing of players with chocolate syrup. The Washington Post put together a explainer that promises “a comprehensive look” at the origins and impact of the ritual dousing of ice cream toppings, as well as instructions for “how y...
![<i>AP Stylebook</i> Says No More "Dingers" [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/jamtgsgompclb9tnnnsb.jpg)
<i>AP Stylebook</i> Says No More "Dingers" [Updates]
At the American Copy Editors Society's annual meeting in Pittsburgh today, updates to and new entries in the 2015 Associated Press Stylebook are being revealed. This news will not affect you at all. But I think it's interesting, so go to hell....

Your Ugly Christmas Sweater Is Stupid; Stop Wearing It Now
Take off your ugly Christmas sweater and burn it. Don't throw it in the trash, because that's not good enough. That thing needs to be rendered useless, diced into tiny pieces, incinerated. Why? Let's start with the fact that it's not a functioning piece of clothing. It's itchy, ill-fitting, and le...

Evil Twin Hipster Ale Is Cool, Just Like You
Evil Twin is an interesting operation. In the unlikely event you have any free New York Times articles left on the 28th of a pretty newsy month, you can learn nearly everything I know about that operation here. A quick summary: It's a contract-brewing company run out of Brooklyn by a Danish guy who ...

My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves
One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or...

Angry Ukrainian Mob Throws Politician Into A Dumpster
An angry mob was waiting outside of Ukraine's parliament today, and they were not playing games. When they spotted Economic Development Party member Vitaly Zhuravsky leaving the building, they grabbed him and threw his ass right into a dumpster....

Pabst Blue Ribbon: It's Not Just For Hipsters Anymore, And Never Was
I've only blocked a couple of people on Twitter, because the Internet has generally deemed me unworthy of harassment, but if I were a more prominent person or dealt with a more controversial subject, I would toss motherfuckers overboard by the dozen. I do not interpret the First Amendment as guara...

Manny Ramirez Was A Huge Success As A Player-Coach
The grand Manny Ramirez experiment has come to an end. After three months as player-instructor for the triple-A Iowa Cubs, Ramirez's season ended on Friday with a knee injury. The 42-year-old was rarely healthy and can't really hit anymore, but Ramirez's minor-league stint went a long way toward sho...

Tour De France Rider Executes Perfect On-The-Bike Pee Break
This is a thing that distance bike riders do all the time, but rarely are we lucky enough to catch the magic that is the mid-race piss on camera. ...

Theo Epstein Wonders Why The Cardinals Are Getting Extra Draft Picks
Beginning in 2012, MLB's collective bargaining agreement created the Competitive Balance Lottery, meant to give the scrappy underdogs of baseball a hand up with an extra draft pick to help them turn their franchises' fortunes around. The lottery drawing was yesterday. The third pick belongs to the C...