racing Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
So This Horse Walks Into A Bar ...
"So yeah, then all these people start sending me letters. Crazy shit, too, like Bible verses, and poems. Like I can read poems ... I'm a horse, ferchristsakes. And now the vets are back putting me into this sling, and I'm twirling around above a tub of water like a goddamned circus sideshow. If th...
"When She Said She Was Gonna, Like, Wreck My Car ... I Didn't Know What To Do"
From Australia comes the heartening news that, even if the worst happens, Barbaro's racing career is not necessarily over if he happens to croak. The AP reports: ...
The Fast And The Furryous
If you sat through more than one college football game on Saturday, then obviously you forgot that this past weekend was also the opening of hamster ball racing season. PETCO sponsored races at nearly all of its 800 stores in the U.S. on Saturday, which they called the Hamster Ball Derby. Accordin...
Gentlemen, Start Your Loos
So you've heeded our advice and contacted the folks at Donkey Sports Inc., for some sweet donkey basketball action. Congratulations. But to your horror, you've discovered that they are out of donkeys! What now? Well, we've heard your girlish shrieks, and have come to the rescue. It's time for Plan...
Yes, As A Matter Of Fact I Do Own The Damn Road
What if one encountered Martin Luther King Jr., on Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway? What if you were driving through Lincoln Tunnel, and Lincoln showed up? Would you move over and let him pass? After all, it's his tunnel ... the darned thing was named after him. (Might get tedious waiting for that ho...
As If Barbaro (And The Rest Of Us) Haven't Suffered Enough
In New York City today, it is sunny, pleasant, warm, slightly overcast but mostly cheerful. We've got some good music on the stereo, a cool icy beverage at our desk and, overall, we're feeling all right about the planet and our place in it....
Contagious Headbutting Sickness Strikes Again
Hey kids, time to drag out those scissors and the colored construction paper once again, because there's a horse in trouble. No, not Barbaro; he's relaxing in Pennsylvania watching premium cable. This time it's City Affair, a race horse in Britain which was — get this — headbutted by jockey Paul O...
On Your Marks ... Get Set ... Shuffle!
On Friday, we told you about Extreme Day, a horse racing promotional event that featured skateboarding, clockwise (backwards) racing and, our favorite, jockey races. (Complete with gates!)...
Short People In Riding Pants Running
Because nothing amuses us like jockeys, here's a neat — if not necessarily new — promotion they're trying at Calder Race Course this weekend: A jockey race! Because nothing's more compelling that five-foot-tall guys sprinting....
Quick! Time To Save Barbaro Again!
Apparently, there aren't enough children writing letters: Barbaro is in serious trouble....
Ride, Jesse, Ride
We had a crazy, fantastical dream last night. In our fevered slumber, we dreamed that the Rev. Jesse Jackson had teamed with the former agent to Dennis Rodman to represent The Jockeys' Guild. Thats what we get for eating Laotain food just before bedtime. Thankfully, we got a good night's rest, and...
Barbaro Finally Responds To Fans
As we have widely documented extensively and in excruciating detail, all kinds of gentle-hearted simps have been sending letters to the injured Barbaro over the last few months....
So, How Is That Horse Anyway?
For those of you who were wondering how everyone's favorite non-sentient being was going in his quest to survive long enough to have sex with any horse in sight, the Associated Press has a full report on jockey Edgar Prado visiting the horse in the hospital today....
Mmmmm... Milk.
Sam Hornish Jr., who pulled out too soon a little earlier in the race, is now free to pop off anytime he would like. He's your Indy 500 Champion, and for some reason, poured a bottle of milk all over himself immediately afterwards. I understand that it's a tradition, but I think it's one that's a ...
"Sam Hornish Pulled Out Too Soon"
Our pals at Jalopnik are in the corporate hospitality suite, watching the race, and... instant messenging each other. That's not a sentence I thought I'd ever be typing. Here's a snippet:...
NASCAR Gets An Asterisk Of Its Own
When the Coca-Cola 600 kicks off later today, Michael Waltrip will make his 262nd consecutive start, which ranks sixth on the all-time list. But I'm favor of adding a big fat asterisk to Waltrip's spot on the list, because he didn't earn his spot, he bought it....
More From Deep Inside Indy
The Jalopnik fellas continue to penetrate the Indy 500 scene like Fred Smooth with a broomstick. They've already wormed their way into the official Indy 500 parade, ripped the lid off of an apparent child-slavery ring in the Indianapolis area, and taken a lap around the track in the official pace ...
Jalopnik Is All Over Indy
It's Indy 500 weekend, as I'm sure you're aware. This is a huge event, and I know that because Cold Pizza sent Woody Paige and Skip Bayless there to do the show this week. Not to be outdone, though, our pals at Jalopnik are also live at the speedway. We're going to be leaning heavily on them for cov...
What Being "Put Out To Stud" Can Really Mean
As recovering horse Barbaro continues to rake in the get-well cards and well-wishes from somewhat bewildering "fans," we take a moment to look at what being "put out to stud" really means. If Barbaro does survive all this, we all have an image of Barbaro spending his golden years humping around, b...
Letters To Barbaro
As BarbaroMania sweeps the nation like a crazy horse tsunami, we pause to pay tribute to our army of commenters, who were in top form on Wednesday. Your messages to Barbaro were, um, at once inspiring and disturbing: "Get up. WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. — Jack Bauer, 35; Los Angeles, CA, USA, soon ...