rant Page 70 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NBA Pulled Some Silly Shit With Its Player Of The Month Award
Ordinarily, the NBA's Player of the Month awards aren't worth talking or writing about, even among people who talk and write about NBA stuff. Oh no—Player X didn't win Western Conference Player of the Month for November, even though his PER was a smidge higher than some other dude's! Winning one p...
Fuck Ties
In formal or fucking situations, people gauge commitment by whether or not you're wearing a useless fashion accessory that serves no other purpose but to give death an upper hand. I'm talking about neckties, the bearers of mythical "power" and evolving "rules," leaving fashion writers tripping all o...
Kevin Durant Calls A Basketball Writer A Dumbass
The Oklahoma City Thunder gave forward Nick Collison a two-year extension today, and NBA reporter Chris Palmer criticized the contract and the team. So, Kevin Durant called him a dumbass....
Hey, Get A Load Of This Evil Doctor
The Washington Post has a profile today of Dr. Jack Wolfson, an Arizona cardiologist and holistic medicine, uh, doer or whatever, who's made something of a name for himself by providing a flimsy, fraudulent rime of expertish cover to the reprehensible, morally criminal anti-vaccination crowd in the ...
Your Fake, Zany Craigslist Ad Is Stupid And Annoying
In 2015, the only people out there who have any real use for Craigslist are hookers and serial murderers. Personally speaking, I haven't used the site since 2009, when my wife and I bought an outdoor playhouse from a lady nearby. Turned out the playhouse had a colony of yellowjackets inside of it....
What Is This Batshit Anti-Nike, Anti-Kevin Durant Website?
This is just one of the many completely insane image macros that can currently be found at townofloveokc.publishpath.com. From what I can gather, this site is run by a crazy person who believes two things very strongly: Nike is an evil, Godless corporation, and Kevin Durant is the devil....
Brent Grimes's Wife To NFL: "Havent U Guys Shit On Him Enough?"
Dolphins cornerback Brent Grimes just went to the Pro Bowl for the second straight season and made its biggest highlight (if such a thing exists) with this pretty interception. What should've been a good weekend for Brent and his wife Miko was not, as Miko explained in a long Twitter rant this e...
Long-Limbed Kevin Durant Obliterates Marcin Gortat With Dunk
It is a good thing that Marcin Gortat is a goofy-ass guy with funny hair, who chills watching porn on Saturday night, and has a humvee and pig to play with, because this is the kind of dunk that could ruin a man without a balanced perspective on life. ...
The Ballghazi Takes Are Here, And They Are Fucking Insane
You knew they were coming, America. The second the Patriots got busted for doctoring footballs, you knew the TAKENAMI would rush in. And VERILY IT HAS COME TO PASS. Oh, people. Oh, this is my Christmas. These takes are so pure in their stridency, so firm in their conviction that ROGER GOODELL M...
What's Going On With Russell Westbrook And The Media?
Last night Russell Westbrook submitted a line of 17 points, 17 assists, and 15 rebounds—becoming just the fourth player to ever do so—as the Thunder handily beat the best team in the league. He should've been happy—hell, maybe he was—but it didn't stop him from going off on reporters in the post...
Funkmaster Flex Ethers Jay Z In Epic, Endless, Bomb-Laden Rant
DJ Funkmaster Flex—one of NYC's premier hip-hop DJs, putting in work at radio-station oracle HOT 97 for more than 20 years now—was in inspired, incessantly bomb-dropping form last night, unloading a rambling, 10-minutes-plus diatribe against everyone and everything surrounding Jay Z....
Oscar Nominations Won’t Solve A Fucking Thing
Okay, so the Oscar nominations came out this morning, and all of the acting categories feature white nominees, and all the Best Picture nominees are stories about dudes. As you can imagine, the Problem Internet was not pleased with this development. We go right to the takes!...
Bill Simmons Had Lena Dunham Back On His Podcast, And They Said Things
For the third time now, thought leader Lena Dunham joined multiplatform presence Bill Simmons on his podcast yesterday. It was a typically awkward and at times baffling example of audience cross-pollination between two people with little in common besides their love of their own voices. Dunham has...
Okay, Which One Of You Tweeted Something Mean At Kevin Durant?
Someone better fess up. Kevin Durant was being grumpy about Twitter today. Which one of you said something mean to him, you jerks?...
Introducing: The Shabazz Assist
Two years ago, Grantland's Kirk Goldsberry introduced the Kobe Assist, a new statistic that "proves that missing shots is sometimes just as valuable as making them." Goldsberry's analysis was interesting, but it left out a key component: the dunkpass. You see, Goldsberry examined what percentage o...
It's About Ethics In Restaurant-List Journalism, Mewls Slighted Chef
Breaking: Entitled white dude slings around bogus journalism-ethics complaints in reactionary response to insecurity over his former spot atop a hierarchy! Call it DinerGate....
Jerian Grant Flies Through The Sky And Dunks Like A Goddamn Eagle
This is senior Notre Dame guard Jerian Grant doing one of the meanest things you're going to see in this world or the next against Georgia Tech victim Tadric Jackson. Poor Tadric....
They Have Teasers For Teasers For Goddamn Trailers Now
Here is a teaser for the upcoming Ant-Man teaser, which I don't want to watch on principle, because FOR FUCK'S SAKE. How desperate for a goddamn Ant-Man movie do you have to be to get a boner over an ad for an ad for an ad?...
Bed-And-Breakfasts Are Stupid
Many people get a certain twinkle in their eyes at the mere mention of bed-and-breakfasts. Ooh, let's take a road trip through New England and stay at bed-and-breakfasts! It'll be so cozy and romantic! This is a baffling and inexplicable notion. Bed-and-breakfasts are miserable and stupid....
Your Ugly Christmas Sweater Is Stupid; Stop Wearing It Now
Take off your ugly Christmas sweater and burn it. Don't throw it in the trash, because that's not good enough. That thing needs to be rendered useless, diced into tiny pieces, incinerated. Why? Let's start with the fact that it's not a functioning piece of clothing. It's itchy, ill-fitting, and le...