rant Page 92 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Bill Simmons Top Secret Editorial Project Is Underway
What is it? Nobody knows. Well, some people do, but since it's in its early developmental stages and most people don't want to step on the Sports Fella's dick while he staffs up and conceptualizes....

Skittish Soccer Analyst Completes Self-Psych-Out
Retired German soccer player Mehmet Scholl has seen Sky Sports' Jessica Kastrop getting pegged with an errant ball one too many times it seems. In related news, "Scholl" is German for "the yips." [SI's Hot Clicks]...

NFL Network Adds Theismann To The Booth Because They’re Assholes
What the fuck, NFL? I was all excited for this upcoming NFL season, and then you go and add Joe fucking Theismann to the booth? FUCK. YOU....

My Name Is Hurricane Earl
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

If Sideline Princess Is Already Taken, Jenn Brown's Friend Has A Promising Career As An Alcoholic Luchadora
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Blacks Totally Outrank Gays on the Whitlock Oppression Scale (W.O.S.)
You know that whole "analogy comparing black people's fight for equal rights and gay people's"? Well, it makes Jason Whitlock "uncomfortable." So knock it off, gay people. Gay bashers, too....

Here's Why Canada Should Lose Its Baseball Privileges (with update)
Meet Brent Bowers, manager of the Edmonton Capitals of whatever the Golden Baseball League is....

How Tampa Bay Shenanigans Affected the Trade Deadline
Oh, those pesky Hickeys. Seems as if Tampa Bay pitching coach Jim Hickey was involved in some horseplay — specifically, "wrestling, in a way" — which landed pitcher Grant Balfour on the 4-to-6-week shelf with a left rib strain....

<em>Inception</em> Was Great, Now Please Stop Talking About It, Assholes
I went and saw Inception on Friday night. I like any movie that includes mid-air hand-to-hand combat and Marion Cotillard's cleavage. But it's clear this movie is about to supplant "Lost" for annoying fanboy overanalysis....

Timofey Mozgov Is Cocksucker
Today is day Timofey Mozgov becomes most unlikable person in Russian Basketball Super League, and perhaps all Russian sports. I think he is okay a year ago. No more. He is villain now....

Counterpoint: LeBron James Is Not A Cocksucker
Yesterday, a guy who spent seven seasons with the team that drafted him announced he wanted to play basketball with his friends and win a lot of games. He wanted this so badly that he was willing to take a pay cut....

LeBron James Is A Cocksucker
Tomorrow is the day LeBron James becomes the most unlikable person in the NBA, and perhaps all of American sports. I used to think he was okay a year ago. No more. He's the villain now....

Bob Costas Feeds The Strasburg Hype Machine
Stephen Strasburg was pretty amazing in his major league debut last night, but that didn't stop baseball's self-appointed dream weaver from pumping up the superhero rhetoric even further—while simultaneously blaming others for their flights of fancy....

Conference Realignment Will Tear Us All Apart
We're on the verge of the biggest conference realignment in the history of college sports, but if it happens ... will it still be college sports? Or just pro football that happens to take place near schools?...

The Epitome of Douche: "Bros Icing Bros"
I went to a wedding this weekend and saw at least three bros (BRAH!) get iced. This retarded game needs to stop immediately. Right fucking now....

You're Gonna Need A Bigger Mitt
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Knicks To Woo LeBron James With C-List Celebrities
Chicago may be willing to hire the ultimate franchise-killer in order to lure LeBron James to their clutches, but they can't compete with the raw star power of New York's sort-of-recognizable personalities pleading on their behalf....

Indians Announcer Goes On Epic Indians Rant On The Indians' Network
Bruce Drennan has had it up to here with the Indians' poor play this season. Yesterday, he decided to go through his scoresheet and give each player an equal-opportunity ripping, looking like a Don Rickles-Gilbert Gottfried hybrid in the process. [WFNY]...

Dear Philadelphia Fans: Tase Yo'selves Before You Wreck Yo'selves
It seemed a bit excessive to zap the towel-waving teenage scamp at CBP, but the black hearts of Phillies fans really could use some seizure-causing high voltage right now....

Byzantine Facebook Recruiting Rules Trip Up UVa
Virginia Coach Mike London is in trouble not because he sent recruit Curtis Grant a Facebook message, but because he didn't do it secretly. Oh, and the actual message is pretty weird, in a NAMBLA kind of way....