rb Page 394 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Baylor Beer Burglar Baffles BBQ Bozos
Baylor lost to UConn this weekend—yes, football—but the campus isn't really concerned about the Bears' gridiron woes. They'd much rather talk about a girl who might have stolen beer out of some frat guy's cooler while tailgating....
FCC Is Still Worried About Janet Jackson's Boob
It's been almost six years since that horrible day when America first learned about the female breast and the Federal Communications Commission is still trying to find a way to punish someone for the infamous Super Bowl Nipple Fest....
NFL Highlight Of The Week: Stokley's 'Miracle' Touchdown
Because the NFL has such a stingy rebroadcast policy, we've decided to recreate the week's best highlight using a white gerbil, a tree frog and actual game audio. Suspend disbelief....
Kyle Orton Wins The Weekend
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win more than others. Like Denver Broncos quarterback Kyle Orton, who won the weekend by not losing. (For Kyle Orton, that's quite an accomplishment.)...
Can Someone Please Adopt This Gerbil And Frog For The Weekend?
Our original adoptive family flaked. Our new one can't come until Monday, so if any kind NYC readers are nearby today and can care for them this weekend, I'd appreciate it. [Deadspin]...
Caster Semenya Is A "Hermaphrodite," Ballsy Aussie Paper Reports
Caster Semenya reportedly has no womb or ovaries but does have internal testes, and, as if determined to provide the missing piece, everyone is being a huge dick about the whole thing....
Starbury Addresses The Gay Jokes In True Starbury Fashion
With another video. In which he sings. And displays his painted toenails. And says, "If you think I'm gay, leave me in a room with your girl for an hour and she's gonna tell you how gay I am." [NESWsports.com]...
Arkansas Basketball: Gang Bangs And Rape LOLs On Twitter
No charges will be filed against three Arkansas basketball players accused of raping an 18-year-old girl, a matter to which one Razorback alluded earlier in the week in a LOLlingly idiotic Tweet....
<em>National Review</em> Guy Continues Dumb Crusade Against Imaginary Scourge Of Lefty Sportswriters
Whiny Jay Nordlinger is now soliciting examples of mean old press-box commies mixing partisan politics with sports. He says he's making an "omnium-gatherum," which is Latin for "butt plug." [NRO]...
Sweet Vindication for Stephen A. Smith
An arbitrator has ruled that his demotion/dismissal from the Philadelphia Inquirer way back in January 2008 was "unjust", and has ordered the negotiation of an "appropriate remedy". I'm sure we could come up with a few suggestions....
Kyle Orton Likes What He Sees
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
<em>National Review</em> Guy Is Tired Of All Those Lefty Sportswriters Who Don't Really Exist
Whiny Jay Nordlinger's had it up to here with those ragingly liberal sportswriters (that's you, Comrade Cannizzaro!) always spilling politics in his sports. "Why do they have to flick some mud into your banana split?" he writes, from Neptune. [NRO]...
Redskins Cut Out Middle Man, Sell Directly To Scalpers
Did I say "scalpers"? That's so politically incorrect! I meant that "brokers" are the ones allowed to buy blocks of tickets from that team with a racial slur nickname, instead of the fans on their notoriously long waiting list....
Options Market Gives Sports Teams An Exciting New Way To Rip You Off
Scalping tickets is a pain in the butt, but what if we could take the simple, rational investment principles of the modern stock market and bring them to the ticket resale market? You'll need to start by grabbing your ankles....
Why Your Team Sucks: Denver Broncos
Some people are fans of the Denver Broncos. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Denver Broncos. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Brandon Marshall: Kind Of A Crybaby
Denver probably thought all their troubles were gone when they shipped Jay Cutler out of town, but now they've got an even bigger problem child on their hands in Brandon Marshall. The operative word being "child."...
Hey, You Can't Park That There!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
At Last, A Carl Monday Video That Will Never Be Rubbed Out
For too long, the video of wanking correspondent Carl Monday's investigation into the activities of Mike Cooper's right hand has been subject to the whims of copyright enforcement. No longer. Here it is, brand spanking new, archived for all eternity....
Why Your Team Sucks: BUZZSAW
Some people are fans of the Arizona Cardinals. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Arizona Cardinals. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....