rb Page 420 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If You Don't Cook Brats, The Terrorists Win
As mentioned, we're heading to Glendale for the Super Bowl this year — yes, yes, book promotion — and we were looking forward to walking around some of the tailgates beforehand on Super Sunday. But we'd forgotten: They don't allow tailgates at the Super Bowl. A travesty, and now some people are tryi...
Time For Another Dee Mirich Poetry Jam
Of course we've all known for some time that Barbaro and God are pals. When the valiant racehorse went to his great reward in early 2007, we were told that God himself was waiting for him in Heaven with with a basket of delicious apples. But we never saw the big picture; it's more than that. Barbaro...
Darren McFadden's Parents Aren't Saying Nothin' About Nothin'
"Yes he is." "No he isn't." "Is too." "Is not." "Shut up." "You shut up." "No, you shut up first." "No, your mom's ugly." There, now you're officially caught up to speed on the ongoing struggle between Darren McFadden's parents and media reports alleging their son is turning pro after his junior yea...
At Least One Super Bowl Ad Won't Be Funny
I've just been wired an announcement from the Department of Stuff We Already Friggin' Learned In Third Grade: drugs are bad for you and they're illegal. Did you know they're illegal? They're also bad for you. Apparently the DSWAFLTG is not on the same page with the WHONDCP (White House Office of Nat...
Who Are We? "The Blues!" Who Are We Gonna Beat? "The Blues!"
There doesn't seem to be a bevy of interesting games — even for soccer fans! — save for one game, Man City and Everton. They're separated by a mere three points at the top of the standings "tables," and Man City hasn't lost a game "match" to anyone recently except Tottenham. That kind of consistency...
Darren McFadden's Piano Bar Brawl
It has to be kind of boring for a college football phenom, when the bowl games are over, your college career is done and you have nothing to do until the Draft workouts begin. It has to make a man antsy. So we sympathize with Darren McFadden, who got himself arrested early this morning....
Deadspin At Super Bowl XLII
We are put a wee 19 days from the Super Bowl, held in the Pink Taco in Glendale, Arizona. And we are very pleased to announce that, for the first time, we will be attending....
Salvaging The Massacre In Mobile
Poor Illinois. Poor Hawaii. You folks think you can fathom utter and total humiliation in a January bowl game? Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your alma mater's football team, you'll know what to do!...
Wait, College Athletes Have Nice Cars?
Anyone who has gone to a university with a prominent sports program can tell you about the experience of seeing one of your player driving a vehicle that you wouldn't think they'd be able to afford. We can all justify it in our brains, hey, they just saved up for it, but we all know better. But do w...
A Christmas Eve Game You Can Guiltlessly Ignore
We suppose, if they have to play a game on Christmas Eve, we appreciate that it's a game that doesn't really matter. Maybe there's a few fantasy stragglers counting on it, but that seems about it....
Thanks To ESPN, It'll Be Our Merriest Christmas Ever
This Christmas why not give the card that says "Not only am I cheap, but I have no sense of humor."? It's Holiday Smack Cards from ESPN; which can be sent to friends and loved ones, and hilarity is sure to ensue. That is, if your idea of humor is a toilet flushing. I can just picture some folks at P...
Look, Ugly Yankees Merchandise
So, you're about nine hours from Christmas, and you still haven't bought anything. You're screwed, pretty much. Shame, too; if you had thought ahead, you could have had some hideous New York Yankees gear....
Pretend It's A Playoff Game, And The Heat Are Suddenly Good Again
Let's see if I got this right. The Miami Heat are still supposed to be good because Shaquille O'Neal is still tall, Dwyane Wade is still making commercials, and Pat Riley's hair gel also doubles as a love potion, or so claimed the highly motivated salesman and his cardboard kiosk. But even after Wad...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN searched its message boards this morning for its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
There's Something About Mirich
I used to think that I knew what Dee Mirich was writing about. I would read her impassioned, fractured poetry on various horse racing message boards, and nod knowingly. "Yes," I would say to myself, "Angels DO prefer hitching their horses to rainbows." But lately, Dee has been listing toward crazy e...
Rory Sabbatini And Roo
Rick linked to this yesterday, but I don't care. Video of a masturbating kangaroo interrupting play at the Australian PGA Championship last week is exactly the type of "sports news without discretion" you come here for. Well, that, and Nightmare Ant....
Look, Kids! Football!
Hey, so here's something: There's an NFL game tonight! No, really! Don't worry, though: It's a game between two teams you don't care about, on a network you can't watch. So relax....
About Last Night
Twas The Night Before The Mitchell Report, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring (LaRussa was soused) ... • Man, I really hope there's a George Mitchell action figure with "Special Envoy to Northern Ireland kung fu grip" under the Mitchel Report Tree tomorrow. — Hank Scorpio...
We Congratulate "Florida Quarterback" On His Heisman Trophy
One of the nice things about college athletes is that you don't have to pay them. Heck, it might be the best thing about college athletes. Seriously, look at them: They can put their bodies and lives on the line every week, and we don't have to give 'em nothin'. Amazing, right? And if they do really...