Real Madrid Is In A Pit of Sadness Right Now
When the ghost of Santi Cazorla is out here scoring braces on you for a team in the relegation zone, maybe your…
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Glad He No Longer Plays With Selfish Assholes Like Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo obviously loves himself some Cristiano Ronaldo. But you know who Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t love?…
Report: Not Even FIFA Wants To Back This Stupid European Super League
Arguably the most corrupt sporting body in the world announced on Wednesday that it would actively work against the…
Julen Lopetegui Shit-Canned From The Job Of His Dreams Four Months After Being Shit-Canned From The Job Of His Dreams
Pour one out for Julen Lopetegui, who has had just about the worst possible year a soccer manager can have. Real Madrid…
Barcelona Crushed Real Madrid And The Endless Cycle Of Death And Rebirth Begins Anew
Sunday’s edition of El Clásico between Barcelona and Real Madrid might have lacked the star-power and extraterrestrial…
This Weekend Is The First Clásico Of The Rest Of Our Lives
The defining feature of the past decade of international soccer has been the enduring struggle of two opposing forces:…
Luka Modrić Wins FIFA's Dumb Little "The Best" Award
Individual awards in soccer are inherently silly and effectively meaningless. FIFA’s premier individual award has been…
Atletico Madrid B Captain Takes Bite Out Of New Real Madrid Signing
When 18-year-old Brazilian forward Vinícius Júnior was signed to Real Madrid on a €45 million transfer this summer,…
New Madrid Keeper Thibaut Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos
Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibaut Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst…
Extremely Not-Desperate Chelsea Break The Bank To Sign Their Second-Choice Keeper
The very gloomy outlook for Chelsea’s upcoming Premier League season just got a little bit brighter, albeit at a hefty…
Sweet Baby Jesus, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Will Leave Real Madrid For Juventus
What at first felt like the same sort of hyped-up salary negotiation process between Real Madrid and Cristiano Ronaldo…
Cristiano Ronaldo Beats Lionel Messi (At Tax Evasion)
Real Madrid and Portugal striker Cristiano Ronaldo has reportedly settled his tax fraud charges with Spanish…
Spain Shoots Its Own Dick Off In The Name Of Propriety, Fires Manager One Day Before World Cup
The Spanish soccer federation (RFEF) announced today that it has fired its national team manager Julen Lopetegui, on…
Real Madrid's New Manager Julen Lopetegui Thinks Messi Is Better Than Ronaldo
Real Madrid announced Julen Lopetegui as their new manager today, just two weeks after Zinedine Zidane resigned…
Doctors Say Liverpool Keeper Suffered Concussion During Champions League Final
Liverpool goalkeeper Loris Karius flew to Boston last week in order to undergo testing for a possible concussion some…
Zinedine Zidane, The Perfect Real Madrid Manager, Left In Perfect Style
In the mother of all mic drops, Zinedine Zidane called a snap press conference today and announced that he was quitting…
Real Madrid Manager Zinedine Zidane Abruptly Resigns Days After Winning The Champions League
Less than a week after leading Real Madrid to their third consecutive Champions League title in a 3-1 win over…
The Best Club In The World Is Real Madrid
Three Champions League titles in a row. Four such trophies in five years. The plain facts of Real Madrid’s astounding…
Reports: Dislocated Shoulder Could Knock Mohamed Salah Out Of The World Cup
Saturday’s Champions League final was a feverish, spectacular affair featuring memorable feats of athleticism, an even…
ESPN Deportes Announcers Are Losing Their Minds In The Champions League Final
Loris Karius’s embarrassing blunder that led to the opening goal in today’s Champions League final may have put Real…