New Madrid Keeper Thibaut Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos

Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibaut Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst onto the La Liga scene to challenge the duopoly of Barcelona and Real Madrid. Now, since his transfer to Real earlier this week, Courtois has been forced to awkwardly answer for his past as a member…

Extremely Not-Desperate Chelsea Break The Bank To Sign Their Second-Choice Keeper

The very gloomy outlook for Chelsea’s upcoming Premier League season just got a little bit brighter, albeit at a hefty cost. The Blues welcomed a new goalkeeper to the club today in Athletic Bilbao’s Kepa Arrizabalaga, who pretty understandably just goes by “Kepa” most of the time. Kepa’s price tag, paid a day before…

Spain Shoots Its Own Dick Off In The Name Of Propriety, Fires Manager One Day Before World Cup

The Spanish soccer federation (RFEF) announced today that it has fired its national team manager Julen Lopetegui, on the eve of the World Cup, because Lopetegui did not “act the right way.” The infraction? Lopetegui accepted a job managing Real Madrid, which would have started after the World Cup, without prior…