review Page 810 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Bay's Ode To Meatheads: <em>Pain & Gain</em>, Reviewed.
There are many movies that could have been made from the raw materials of Pain & Gain, which is based on a series of outrageous Miami New Times articles about three dimwit Florida bodybuilders who in 1994 kidnapped a rich local businessman and stripped him of all his assets. Some filmmakers, for exa...
If Only History Went Down This Smoothly. <i>42</i>, Reviewed.
People go to inspirational sports movies not in spite of their predictability but because of it. Other than romantic comedies, there's no other genre so dependent on the fact that you know exactly how they're going to play out. It doesn't help that they're usually based on true stories. These movies...
Benlands. Terrence Malick's <em>To The Wonder</em>, With A Silent Affleck, Reviewed.
1. You can make all the jokes you want about Terrence Malick's movies, particularly these last two later-era ones, whose interest in normal movie things like "plots" and "stories" and "coherent narratives" is minimal at best, but they knock my socks off. I know that both The Tree of Life and now To ...
For The Next Remake, Just Add More Blood: <i>Evil Dead</i>, Reviewed.
1. A good rule of thumb: If you are holding a book in your hands and you notice that someone has gone to the trouble of shutting that book with barbed wire, do not attempt to open this book. If you do open this book, then do not read from it–particularly when previous patrons of the Satan Public Lib...
I Have No Idea What This <i>Upstream Color</i> Movie Is About, But It Is Awesome
To make a list of things I do not understand about Shane Carruth's Upstream Color would be to simply list everything that happens in the movie. But lemme try out some questions on you anyway: Who is the man who kidnaps a woman and drugs her by feeding her a worm? And why does that worm cause her to ...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Dora The Explorer</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Illustration by Jim Cooke....
Danny Boyle Mesmerizes Himself. <em>Trance</em>, Reviewed.
For director Danny Boyle, anything worth doing is worth overdoing. With each genre of movie he makes, you get the sense that he wants to be sure it's the most demonstrative of its kind ever. Trainspotting was the druggiest movie ever. 28 Days Later was the zombie-iest movie ever. Slumdog Millionaire...
30 Paragraphs About 30 MLB Teams From The Baseball Prospectus Crew
The following is excerpted from the team chapters and player profiles of the perpetually splendid Baseball Prospectus. You can buy the book now. And be sure to head over to the BP site this weekend for free access to their content. Projected records via BP's playoff odds report....
An Epic That Stumbles. <em>The Place Beyond The Pines</em>, Reviewed.
Director Derek Cianfrance's last film, Blue Valentine, was a crushing study of a couple (played by Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams) falling apart. It was beautifully made and well acted—I loved it—but the rawness of the emotions and the ambition of the structure (cycling between the present and t...
<em>Room 237</em> Will Make You Love <em>The Shining</em> All Over Again
One of the saddest things about the death of a favorite filmmaker is realizing that you'll probably never see any new movie from him ever again. When popular musicians die, they always leave material lying around that their estates can spruce up and put out for the fans. (Jimi Hendrix died in 1970, ...
Steve Carell Needs A New Trick: <i>The Incredible Burt Wonderstone</i>, Reviewed.
1. Steve Carell, leading man, is a lot funnier when he's not trying to be funny. He tends to work better in supporting straight comedy roles (most famously Anchorman, but also Bruce Almighty and even Bewitched) than as the lead (Dinner For Schmucks, Get Smart). His sweet spot as a leading man is ba...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Chuggington</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. GIF by Jim Cooke....
The Kind Of Trash You Love: <em>Spring Breakers</em>, Reviewed.
1. Spring Breakers is trashy: I'm not telling you something you don't know here. It's self-consciously trashy, but not in any sort of wry, ironic, removed way. It dives headfirst into its trash, wallowing in it, wringing it for every last drop of slime. This is a nothing movie about nothing people d...
Off To See A Snoozer. <em>Oz, The Great and Powerful</em>, Reviewed.
1. The notion of doing a prequel to The Wizard of Oz focused on Oz himself isn't an inherently terrible idea. The wizard, after all, is the one character in that story who's neither completely good nor bad; he's full of shit, sure, but he also means well for Oz and ultimately tries to grant everybod...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <em>Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!</em>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Illustration by Jim Cooke. ...
Once Upon A Time, They Made Fantasy Movies Like This. <em>Jack The Giant Slayer</em>, Reviewed.
1. It's sort of amazing how low the bar has fallen for big tentpole action/fantasy films. With the rise of 3-D (and, more to the point, 3-D surcharges), spectacle is the minimum entrance requirement, and even that has been watered down to the point of monotony. You can pick your poison, but I've alw...
Seth MacFarlane Wasn't The Worst Oscar Host Ever: In Defense Of A Boob
For Seth MacFarlane's critics, Sunday night was supposed to be the moment we finally got to see the guy get his comeuppance. A "billion" viewers around the world, one of the most prestigious gigs in all of entertainment: As Oscar host, this was his chance to justify his swiftly, perhaps inexplicably...
The Rock Saves The Day. <em>Snitch</em>, Reviewed.
Snitch isn't great, but if you're like me and have enjoyed Dwayne Johnson more than his movies, his latest helps justify our faith in the guy. This is a B-movie thriller built around a real incident that's meant to show us the lunacy of our government's drug policy—and yet the movie's not preachy or...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <em>Max & Ruby</em>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Illustration by Jim Cooke. ...
Brand New Star, Same Old Crap. <em>Identity Thief</em>, Reviewed.
Everybody is happy for Melissa McCarthy. After years on TV shows (Gilmore Girls, Mike & Molly) and small parts in movies (she's great in John August's The Nines), she broke through with Bridesmaids, getting an Oscar nomination in the process. She's a really funny lady who's ridiculously effervescent...