review Page 817 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...
The Perfect Comic-Book Movie. <em>The Avengers</em>, Reviewed.
1. The Avengers is a superhero movie so fun, full of so much pure fanboy-wank joy wrapped up in an accessible, relentlessly entertaining package, that I'm not sure anybody needs to make any more comic-book movies; this one might wrap it up. (One suspects they'll still find a way.) Made by and for—bu...
John Cusack In A Goatee? Quoth The Raven: Meh.
John Cusack is one of those actors whom everybody likes. He was a consistently enjoyable presence in '80s films like Better Off Dead and Sixteen Candles, and he won the hearts of a generation of young women by being the most sensitive man ever in Say Anything. Since then, he's been an indie staple (...
Our Experts Review The Yankees' New Cologne, The $50 "Justin Bieber Of Scents"
This month, the Yankees introduced a new men's cologne (a women's fragrance will also be available at Macy's soon; it's already available at Yankee Stadium). Here's how they describe the "New York Yankees™ Eau de Toilette":...
<em>Scenes From a Marriage</em>, But Longer And With Fart Jokes. <em>The Five-Year Engagement</em>, Reviewed.
1. There are several long stretches in which The Five-Year Engagement is the polar opposite of what anyone would consider "romantic" or "comedy." Jason Segel has always had a tinge of self-aggrandizing self-pity in his characters—the ones he plays, the ones he writes, and both—but for swaths of The ...
In Praise Of Stupid Laughs. <em>The Three Stooges</em>, Reviewed.
1. An old joke: "Why do women not like The Three Stooges? Because they're not funny." The appeal of The Three Stooges has always been inherently male, predominantly young male, specifically adolescent, glue-sniffing boy. Now, that's not to say that 10-year-olds the world over are obsessed with The T...
When Serious Actors Become Action Stars: A Guide
This Friday, Lockout opens, and beyond its prison-colony-in-space hook, probably the most interesting element to this sci-fi film is "Holy cow, is that Guy Pearce kickin' all that ass?" Why, yes, it is—and it's a conscious departure from the serious dramatic roles we usually see from him (Memento, L...
Do You Like Self-Conscious Scary Movies? <em>The Cabin In The Woods</em>, Reviewed.
Sixteen years ago, I saw Scream for the first time. I loved it. Not only was it funny and smart, it felt like a game-changer: a movie that exploded all the conventions of its genre while at the same time being a really good example of its genre. By pointing out all the clichés of horror movies, Scre...
Why Did We Ever Like These Movies? <i>American Reunion</i>, Reviewed.
When you think of the big franchises of the last 10-15 years, you've got your Lord of the Rings and The Matrix and Harry Potter. But in its own special category has to be American Pie. For a four-year run starting in the late '90s, Jim and Stifler and the rest of their Michigan crew were Hollywood's...
30 Paragraphs About 30 MLB Teams From The Baseball Prospectus Crew
The following is excerpted from the team chapters and player profiles of the perpetually splendid Baseball Prospectus. You can buy the book now. Projected records via BP's playoff odds report. ...
What Is The Grantland Book Good For? A Deadspin Investigation
The second issue of the McSweeney's Grantland Quarterly is out now. For those of you unfamiliar with the title, the quarterly is a $25 anthology of Grantland.com stories you could read online for free. Why take a collection of internet posts and re-publish them on heavy paper stock set between two...
Are You Laughing Yet?! <i>Mirror Mirror</i>, Reviewed.
Everybody involved with Mirror Mirror is trying to be funny. It's a strange, sometimes uncomfortable, sight to see, not unlike when a dramatic actor or an athlete hosts Saturday Night Live and you think to yourself, "Let's see how this is gonna work ..." And in the case of Mirror Mirror, it mostly p...
<em>Slap Shot</em>: The Only Honest Sports Movie
From the very first scene of Slap Shot, the classic hockey film makes its stance clear: The way everybody talks about sports is bullshit. Denis Lemieux, the befuddled language-challenged Charlestown Chiefs goalie, is on television talking to broadcaster Jim Carr, who is trying to get fans to bring t...
Release The Crappin'! <i>Wrath Of The Titans</i>, Reviewed.
1. Everyone looks so bored in Wrath of the Titans that I honestly felt bad for them. Sure, this sequel is an obvious quick-hit money grab, the sort of cash job that it's difficult to raise one's dander for, but hey, that's the reason most movies exist, after all. No, Wrath of the Titans inspires a p...
Why The Phony Ratings Controversy Over <em>Bully</em> Is Giving The Movie A Wedgie
Once upon a time, Harvey Weinstein, the unofficial king of independent film distribution, wanted to release a movie that shined a light on the harsh reality of teenagers' lives. But the harshness of that reality found him running afoul of the Motion Picture Association of America's ratings board, wh...
7 Ways <i>The Hunger Games</i>'s Bleak Future Is Exactly Like All Other Bleak Sci-Fi Futures (Except With Lenny Kravitz)
The Hunger Games finally comes out today, but already the movie's been analyzed from every angle: its potentially huge box-office numbers, why Katniss Everdeen is a female role model, whether or not it's the new Twilight, and, perhaps most importantly, whether or not Lenny Kravitz's stylist characte...
The End Of The World Will Be Announced By Pat Kiernan
About three minutes into 4:44 Last Day on Earth, an extremely indulgent and stupid movie that opens tomorrow and that you should absolutely not see, NY1 anchor Pat Kiernan stares into the camera and prepares us all to die. If the world is gonna end, if we're all gonna go out together, if that's how ...
<i>The Raid: Redemption</i>: Why We Love Our Ultra-Violent Movies
Audiences crave what they're not allowed to see. When you're a kid, there's an undeniable thrill in sneaking into your first R-rated movie, but even as adults we're suckers for the forbidden. That's why we can't get enough red-band trailers—oooh, extra swearing and nudity!—and why we'll buy the "unr...
Watch Teens Get Snuffed In A Sick Dystopia Where People Like Watching Teens Get Snuffed! <i>The Hunger Games</i>, Reviewed.
1. I feel I need to say this out front about The Hunger Games, since I'd never read the young adult book and wasn't quite sure what I was in for: This movie has a lot of on-screen child murders. Now, maybe on the page, this was less jarring, with the whole inherent textual not-having-to-look-in-the-...
What Happens When A 35-Year-Old Man Retakes The SAT?
I took the SAT a grand total of one time when I was in dipshit prep school. This was 1993. Like any other kid, I wanted to do well on the test, primarily so that I would NEVER have to take it again, but also because kids at my school were real dicks about their SAT scores. You'd hear through the gra...