A Good Plant: Ilex Opaca, The American Holly
It has been a rough year for my five little holly trees, transplanted last spring from a nursery to the muddy, weedy slope of the western edge of my home property, along the stupidly long driveway.
Kim Jong-il Liked Bend It Like Beckham And So Should You
With apologies to anyone who was hoping my earlier two reviews were the result of being an all-around miserable person who is incapable of enjoyment: I really liked Bend It Like Beckham!
Annihilation Will Creep You All The Way Out
If you saw the trailer for Annihilation and got hyped to watch Natalie Portman spend the movie kicking ass with a machine gun, mowing down monsters while dispensing action-movie cliches, you won’t get what you want. If you read Jeff VanderMeer’s novel, on which the movie is based, and expected a faithful adaptation…
Lady Bird Is As Honest As Teen Movies Get
What do you remember about growing up? Was your tenure in high school characterized by grandiose, dramatic blowups and public betrayals, the sort you’ll see in, say, Riverdale? Or was it marked by subtler moments of inner tumult—smoldering angst rather than a bleeding heart? The version of teenage life shown in most…
Belated Nintendo Switch Review: The Nintendo Switch Rules So Hard
This era of console gaming is a strange one, owing partially to the fact that about five years ago, many people in the industry feared consumers would reject bulky $300 consoles in favor of cheaper and nimbler competitors like the iPhone and the iPad. Why pay so much for games you can only play in front of your TV at…
If Storms Freak Your Dog Out, Get Her A Nice Warm Jacket
My chocolate lab Ladybird loses her shit when it storms. I can only describe it as a dog panic attack: She runs all over the place, pants crazily, tries to climb up on my bed (where she is not allowed), nervously licks my legs, and eventually seeks comfort in the safety of the bathtub. She can’t talk to me,…
Reviewer Jump-Kicks Macho Steakhouse's Dick And Balls Into The Sun
Beast is a self-consciously primal London steak-and-crab restaurant, all ludicrously oversized tables and steaks and crab legs and prices, presented gravely as though in mourning of the fallen at Helm's Deep; a display of such over-the-top machismo that even Vladimir Putin rolls his eyes at it when he flies overhead…
Let's Try Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creations, A Dessert-Flavored Dessert
Remember ice cream? Oh man, ice cream. There are so many wonderful things to remember about ice cream, but first and foremost—more than the carnival of flavors and colors; the various zany, luxurious toppings and swirls; the fun presentations (Sundae! Banana split! Ice cream cone! Ice cream cake! Root beer…
Steve Carell Needs A New Trick: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, Reviewed.
1. Steve Carell, leading man, is a lot funnier when he's not trying to be funny. He tends to work better in supporting straight comedy roles (most famously Anchorman, but also Bruce Almighty and even Bewitched) than as the lead (Dinner For Schmucks, Get Smart). His sweet spot as a leading man is basically the Tom…
Seth MacFarlane Wasn't The Worst Oscar Host Ever: In Defense Of A Boob
For Seth MacFarlane's critics, Sunday night was supposed to be the moment we finally got to see the guy get his comeuppance. A "billion" viewers around the world, one of the most prestigious gigs in all of entertainment: As Oscar host, this was his chance to justify his swiftly, perhaps inexplicably, rising star. Or,…
The Rock Saves The Day. Snitch, Reviewed.
Snitch isn't great, but if you're like me and have enjoyed Dwayne Johnson more than his movies, his latest helps justify our faith in the guy. This is a B-movie thriller built around a real incident that's meant to show us the lunacy of our government's drug policy—and yet the movie's not preachy or sanctimonious.…
Brand New Star, Same Old Crap. Identity Thief, Reviewed.
Everybody is happy for Melissa McCarthy. After years on TV shows (Gilmore Girls, Mike & Molly) and small parts in movies (she's great in John August's The Nines), she broke through with Bridesmaids, getting an Oscar nomination in the process. She's a really funny lady who's ridiculously effervescent, and it's high…
Cop Out. Broken City, Reviewed.
When Mark Wahlberg is at his best, it doesn't look as if he's acting. In fact, it hardly seems as if he's even thinking. Watch him in The Departed or I Heart Huckabees and he comes across as a flawed regular guy who just wants to do the right thing, even though his characters aren't always the brightest. He plays lugs…
God Bless Liam Neeson, He Sure Does Try. Taken 2, Reviewed.
If you liked the first Taken, it was probably because of Liam Neeson. With that unlikely hit, the Oscar-nominated actor established himself as a tough-guy action star, a development that was surprising not because he's a bad fit for the role but, rather, because he proved really adept at it. Anyone can swing a…
Interview With The Vampire. Cosmopolis (Starring Robert Pattinson), Reviewed.
Rage is rarely cold. Whether it's the Tea Party or Occupy Wall Street or Network, discontent with the state of the world usually comes to us piping hot, often satisfyingly so. That's why it's so disconcerting when a movie goes the opposite route, serving up its message with a calm, dispassionate air. Cosmopolis…
Did The Wrong Thing. Spike Lee's Red Hook Summer, Reviewed.
Spike Lee is such a confident filmmaker that when one of his movies doesn't quite work, you almost wonder if it's your fault for not getting it. Secure in his talent for sweeping emotions and powerful visuals, he sets out to make a masterpiece with each new movie, and the worst thing you can say about him is that he…
Zach Galifianakis And Will Ferrell Race To The Middle. The Campaign, Reviewed.
1. That The Campaign could never come up with a fictional scenario that would rival the absurdity of what actually happens in our daily political discourse is an obvious point, yet one that needs to be made again nevertheless. Is any sort of shtick that Will Ferrell could dream up odder than a reality in which Newt…
The Conspiracy To Kill A Great Movie Franchise. The Bourne Legacy, Reviewed.
1. The first three Jason Bourne films had an intensity, a vitality to them that made them feel urgent and relevant, grounded in the messy real world of global capitalism and a U.S. government that was alternately confused, corrupt, and terrified. The movies didn't have a specific politics other than paranoia:…
Nothing We Haven't Seen Before: Total Recall, Reviewed.
1. As a skeptic of the original Total Recall, I was ready to give its remake more than a fair shake. My primary issue with the original is how little it does with the film's initial, fantastical Philip K. Dick premise, that the difference between reality and fantasy is not only slim but perhaps irrelevant; that film…
Famous People Trying To Be Funny. The Watch, Reviewed.
The Watch is The Avengers of comic superstar movies, if the Avengers decided they didn't really want to work together and looked sorta annoyed occupying the same story. The movie stars Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, and Jonah Hill, and it's rare to see a film in which so many big names seem to be operating in their own…