sad-whimsy Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Skins Are Horrendous, But At Least They're Quick About It
Here is an item that might actually cheer Skins fans about their cheerless excuse for a football team:...
Of Course The Skins Misspelled London Fletcher's Name During His Ring Of Honor Ceremony
Dan Snyder’s football clown show spent halftime of their Monday night meltdown loss inducting retired linebacker London Fletcher into the Ring of Honor of their miserable, far-flung hell-hole of a stadium. Fletcher spent less than half of his career in Washington and won zero playoff games, but wha...
Titans' Home Debut Features On-Field Fireball
The Tennessee Titans just kicked off their first home game of the season, and attempted to wow the home fans with a pregame pyrotechnic display. It didn’t go very well!...
Jameis Winston Still Doesn't Quite Have This Pep-Talk Thing Nailed Down
No matter what becomes of the rest of Jameis Winston’s career, I think it is safe to say that the first thing he will be remembered for is the multiple accusations of sexual assault that have been made against him. But the second thing—well, that’s the crab legs. But the third thing he will be remem...
The Colts Have Entered The Quarterback Pit
If nothing else, the surprise retirement of former Colts quarterback Andrew Luck demonstrates just how close to the gutter so many solidly mid-tier NFL teams actually are. One day you’re preparing for a season with the expectation that your franchise quarterback will make good on those playoff aspir...
Diamondbacks Plunge Into The Depths Of The Seven Hells, Discover Agonizing New Way To Lose A Ballgame
If a walk-off win is exciting, and a walk-off walk is peculiar and charming, what is a walk-off walk, walk, walk, walk, walk? Perhaps something too grotesque to even imagine, let alone witness with your own eyes? Let’s find out....
Now Here Is One God-Awful Way To Lose A Baseball Game
If you are the type of person who does not enjoy watching people experience self-inflicted embarrassments in public, heed these two warnings: Do not listen to this clip of an author finding out live on radio that the entire premise of her latest book is false, and do not watch this clip from yesterd...
Bryson DeChambeau Foiled By Dumbass Stupid Flagstick And Dumbass Stupid Hole
Bryson DeChambeau leads the field after shooting six under par in the opening round of The Masters. Despite this, he has as much reason as anybody to feel bitter about how the course treated him on Thursday....
In His Fifth Appearance Of The Season, Trevor Rosenthal Finally Recorded An Out
If you haven’t spent all of your pity on walking tragedy Chris Davis, whose hitless streak reached 50 at-bats last night, spare some for Nationals reliever Trevor Rosenthal. After missing an entire season to Tommy John surgery and getting released by the Cardinals, Rosenthal landed in Washington thi...
LeBron James Suffers Latest Humiliation At The Hands Of Mario Hezonja
It was all set up for LeBron James, nearing the end of a crappy first season with the Los Angeles Lakers, to have another one of his moments. He loves to craft highlights on the Knicks’ home floor, and to talk afterwards about how much “the Mecca” means to him as—as a student of basketball history o...
The Pistons Have Played Like Stepped-In Dog Shit For Two Straight Games
Just four days ago, the Detroit Pistons clobbered the Bulls 131-108 at home, extending what had been a surprisingly nice little run of games for such a terminally mediocre franchise. That win over the Bulls was Detroit’s 12th in 15 games, and they were starting to look like a team deserving of a pla...
Golf Pro Shoots 17 On Par 4, Gets Owned By His Dad
Ben DeArmond, a South Florida PGA Professional golfer, was among the field at a Web.com Tour event that kicked off yesterday. The SFPGA was excited for him, and tweeted their encouragement before he teed off:...
Report: Carmelo Anthony Has Been Dug Out Of The Crawl Space And Placed On The Corner
Hey, remember Carmelo Anthony? After a decidedly bad season in Oklahoma City, where he was supposed to help put the Thunder into title contention, he went to Houston with the intention of providing some shooting and keeping the Rockets in title contention. That pipe dream lasted mere weeks before he...
Smooth-Brained Trump Lackey Finds Worst Possible Use For <i>NBA 2K19</i>
The latest iteration of the NBA 2K franchise allows players to design and customize their very own NBA arena. Nobody has put this feature to more depressing use than former White House communications staffer Steven Cheung:...
The Sad, Short Story Of The First Responder Bowl
We all had this day circled on our calendars, because this is the day that Boston College and Boise State were set to meet in the big game—the one we’ve all been waiting for, the one that kept us awake last night: the First Responder Bowl. I regret to inform you that the First Responder Bowl has bee...
Let's Briefly Check In On The Minnesota Timberwolves
Now seems like a time to pop in and see what’s going on with the T-Wolves, and specifically Karl-Anthony Towns, who spent the last few weeks of the offseason getting shat on by teammate and supreme cheesebutt Jimmy Butler....
You Can't Hide Eli Manning
Here’s a fun thing to think about: Has an offense with the quality of skill players that the New York Giants possess ever looked this bad? This is a team that lines up one of the best wide receivers in football, a rookie running back who treats defenders like bad guys in a Kung Fu movie, and a big, ...
Mike Zimmer On Why He Cut Kicker Daniel Carlson: "Did You See The Game?"
Being a kicker in the NFL sucks not only because everyone gets mad at you when you fuck up, but also because nobody ever respected you all that much in the first place. How else to explain Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer answering a question about why he cut kicker Daniel Carlson—who missed three fie...
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...