sadwhimsy Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Jesus, Have You Looked At The 76ers' Roster?

Just look at this roster. Look at it. ...

Here's What Getting Traded Looks Like

Indians middle infielder Asdrubal Cabrera was traded to the Washington Nationals today. Shortly after the trade was made official, Chronicle Telegram reporter Brian Dulik snapped this picture of Cabrera going all Sad Keanu on us in the hallway outside the Indians locker room....

Extremely Intoxicated Metro North Passenger Munches On Floor Chips [Update]

This horrible incident occurred on one of New York's Metro North trains, which are often booze-fueled nightmares, full of shit-hammered White Plains residents trying to get home at 1:45 a.m. after drinking themselves stupid in the Meatpacking District....

The Life And Death Of The Runaway Baltimore Bull: A Play In Two Acts

A bull got loose in the streets of Baltimore today. Nobody is sure where the bull came from, or where he was trying to go. All we know is that the bull was spotted by many Baltimore residents, running across the hot pavement of the city's roads, warmed by the summer sun and driven onward by the thri...

Steve Francis Pours Booze All Over Himself In A Club

It's time for yet another edition of What the Hell is Going on With Steve Francis? Today's episode takes us to a club in Miami, where Francis was filmed grooving to "Drunk in Love" by himself while pouring booze all over his own head and face. At the end, he just falls right the hell over. It's all ...

Steve Francis Has Nearly Finished Transforming Into Kuato

This is...concerning....

Metrodome Deflated For Final Time; Demolition Begins Monday

The home of the Minnesota Vikings has been deflated for the final time. This is time lapse video of the roughly 35-minute process. Once home to the Twins, Vikings and Timberwolves, the Metrodome slowly lost all its major tenants but the Vikings. Now that the Vikings have a new billion-dollar facil...

Steve Francis Isn't Looking So Good These Days, You Guys

Former NBA star Steve Francis recently attended some sort of event in Luizhou, a prefecture in China's Guangxi region, at which many unfortunate photos were taken. Francis is only 37 years old, but he looks rough....

The Illinois Student Section Is The Saddest-Est

Things have somehow gotten worse for the Illinois student section. Things are so bad we've been forced to make an uber superlative. You know what, though? Good for those dozen(s?) or so who did show up. Scrappers 'til the end. ...

Houston Restaurant "Honors" Matt Schaub With The "Pick Six Burger"

First they burned his jersey, and now this? Matt Schaub, you poor bastard....

Kid At Monster Truck Rally Is Saddest Kid Ever

This young man looked upon the grotesque, motorized monsters as they crushed steel and burned fuel, and he wept a single tear. For America....

Former Atlanta Hawks First-Rounder Has Had A Sad Hawks Career Arc

Cal Bowdler's NBA career probably hasn't gone like he hoped it would. After four years of college ball at Old Dominion, where he led the Colonial Athletic Association in rebounds and blocked shots in 1998 and 1999, Bowdler was selected by the Atlanta Hawks with the 17th overall pick in 1999. He rod...

Here's A Rick-DiPietro-Vanity-Plated Car Parked In A Handicapped Spot

Sounds about right....

Look at that resumé! Get excited, Vikings fans....

Kim Jong Un And Dennis Rodman Are Now Friends For Life

Curious about how gigantic weirdo Dennis Rodman's trip to North Korea is going? It's going great! Today, Rodman took in an exhibition basketball game with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. They watched members of the Harlem Globetrotters take on a North Korean "dream team," and then became besties...

Guy Who Ran Onto The Court During A Toronto Raptors Game Wearing "Bucket List" Shirt Has Super-Lame Bucket List

Last night, a fan interrupted the Knicks-Raptors game in Toronto—during the fourth quarter, when the teams was within two—by running out on to the court and circling around a bit. His foray was short lived, as you can see in the photo above, and we salute the quick work of security personnel at the ...

Hockey Dad Who Heckled Child, Made Threats While Holding Infant Reportedly Also Cheered When Kid Got Hurt

Father of the Year candidate Jason Boyd, whose caught-on-video outburst at a youth hockey game in Winnipeg we told you about yesterday, didn't just stop at calling a player "a midget" before threatening the boy's father, all while also holding a child in his arms. Nope. Boyd's behavior allegedly g...

Hockey Dad Heckles Children, Makes Violent Threats While Holding His Infant Child

The worst thing about little league sports will always be what it does to the players' parents. There is just something about children playing sports that draws out the darkest parts of the adult soul. Case in point: the madman in the video above who shouts, "He's a midget!" at a child who is tryi...

Sixers Fan Buys 18 Tickets To Tonight's Game For Less Than A Dollar

The Sixers are five games under .500 and hosting the Indiana Pacers isn't doing the Wells Fargo Center any favors, either. Things are so desperate in Philly that one fan was able to scoop up 18 tickets on stub-hub for $.04. He bought the entire row and told Ryan Petzar he did so because it "seemed l...

The Piggyback Bandit Has Struck Again

Sherwin Shayegan, aka the Piggyback Bandit, hasn't been seen or heard from since his summer star-turn, which culminated with this exhaustive account of his sad adventures by Grantland's Bryan Curtis. But earlier this week, Shayegan was back at it after a basketball game at a midwestern junior colleg...