san-francisco Page 26 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Smash Mouth Love Trent Baalke, Hate Chip Kelly
Smash Mouth—the house band from hit 2001 film Shrek—are prominent, prolific Twitter users who are unafraid to go to the mattresses to correct the record if you spread falsehoods online. The San Jose, Calif. natives are also, as it turns out, big 49ers fans who count themselves among the ever-dwindli...
I Respectfully Disagree With Aaron Lynch's Assessment Of The 49ers
I think it’s a good thing for athletes to express confidence in their own team and abilities, and given how many bad teams there are in the NFL, I can kind of see how 49ers linebacker Aaron Lynch could convince himself that his 1-6 squad is actually good and not bad. ...
Marvelous Work, 49ers
Today’s NFL matchups have resulted in some of the worst professional football we’ve seen in years. Here is just one contribution from the San Francisco 49ers....
Ted Cruz Calls Colin Kaepernick A Spoiled Knucklehead
Ted Cruz, whose face is all moist surfaces and uncanny angles and about a third too much skin, will be remembered as the cuck who said to the American people, “Please elect the man who called my wife ugly and implied that my father murdered JFK as the next president of the United States. I’m a puddi...
Who Was Really Expecting Colin Kaepernick To Talk About Football?
The San Francisco 49ers got absolutely stomped by the Buffalo Bills Sunday afternoon, allowing three touchdowns in the fourth quarter for a final score of 45-16, sending the hapless 49ers home with a 1-5 record. No one outside of Buffalo really cared about that, though....
Colin Kaepernick's Contract Just Went From Bad To Worse
When Colin Kaepernick signed his “$126 million” contract with the San Francisco 49ers in 2014, he was already giving them a remarkable amount of concessions for how successful he was at the time. Now that he’s reworked the terms of his contract, as was reported by ESPN’s Adam Schefter last night, hi...
Even-Year Bullshit Is Dead
The San Francisco Giants’ success in even years has run its course, and we can all breathe easy that there is in fact no higher power devoted to San Francisco baseball....
Santiago Casilla Wept After The Giants Collapsed Without Him
At 10:30 in Chicago, they decided to send the horses home....
The Giants Blew It
The San Francisco Giants spent the latter half of the year tumbling headfirst down the standings, forgetting how to hit the ball, and watching their bullpen blow any games they managed to keep close. It’s somewhat fitting that their season ended with a great big fart of a collapse....
Javy Baez Only Makes Spectacular Plays
The Giants finally remembered how to play offense and hit the baseball tonight, but Cubs second baseman Javy Baez is doing everything he can to shut them down. Baez only plays baseball at one million miles per hour, and he attacks approaching grounders like Jim Harbaugh attacks glasses of milk. ...
Colin Kaepernick Will Start Against The Bills
San Francisco 49ers head coach Chip Kelly named Colin Kaepernick the starting quarterback for this Sunday’s game against the Buffalo Bills. Blaine Gabbert will be the backup QB. The 49ers are 1-4 this season....
Joe Panik Walkoff Double Keeps The Giants Alive
Joe Panik’s 13th-inning double to drive in Brandon Crawford gave the Giants a 6-5 win over the Cubs on Monday, keeping San Francisco’s season alive. The even-year cockroaches now have won 10 straight games while facing elimination....
Hitters Still Can't Touch Madison Bumgarner But A Pitcher Just Knocked One Of His Balls To Fiji
If failure is success in Silicon Valley, then Madison Bumgarner is a champion tonight. The Giants ace, last seen choking the life out of the Mets, is laying an egg in an must-win against the Cubs. He came into the game with a streak of 23 straight scoreless innings in elimination games, but managed ...
Baseball Players Get Really Deep When Their Teams Are Down 0-2<em></em>
Three of the four MLB division series have one team in an 0-2 hole. This isn’t a great spot to be in a best-of-five series, but it’s a very great spot for hearing the emptiest and most hackneyed postgame platitudes that athlete speak has to offer. Some highlights from this weekend, grouped by team s...
Pinch-Hitter Madison Bumgarner Ends Up On Second In The Weirdest Way
With the Giants already down 1-0 in the NLDS, Jeff Samardzija was rightly yanked after just two innings tonight, having given up four runs on six hits....
Johnny Cueto Was Brilliant, And It Didn't Matter
In a week that’s offered plenty in the way of high-quality postseason pitching—Corey Kluber’s virtuoso performance yesterday afternoon, Noah Syndergaard and Madison Bumgarner’s wild card duel—Johnny Cueto put up perhaps the best line of them all last night....
Here's A Raucous Brawl From The 49ers Game Last Night
Tipster Emil was at the 49ers game last night, and while he didn’t see his team do anything of worth on the football field, he had a front row seat to this big rowdy brawl....
It's Almost Colin Kaepernick Time
The San Francisco 49ers are bad, and their starting quarterback, Blaine Gabbert, is also bad. Gabbert was terrible against the Cardinals last night, throwing for just 162 yards while getting picked off twice, and he’s now got six picks and five TDs to go along with a completion percentage of 58. Th...
The Only Good 49ers Highlight Tonight Was Anthony Davis Doing Rude Blaine Gabbert Tweets
The 49ers lost to the Carson Palmer-less Cardinals by 12 points tonight in front of about 50 or 60 fans. Blaine Gabbert laid an egg and threw for 162 yards, along with a pair of picks and a pair of touchdowns. The most noteworthy thing the team did on the field was knock coconuts. The best highlight...