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Today In Dumb Shit College Sports Programs Spend Money On Instead Of Paying Players: Gargantuan TV
Big-time college sports programs are in a never-ending, Brewster’s Millions–style race to burn through as much money as possible in order to claim that they are not profitable and thus can’t pay players. State-of-the-art practice facilities and bloated administrator contracts used to be enough to hi...

Scammy Champions Basketball League Gets Humiliated In Court, Drops Lawsuit, Continues To Fall Apart
It’s been just over a year since we first reported on the trials and tribulations of the Champions Basketball League, a semi-pro league that used false promises to bilk hundreds of thousands of dollars out of investors who were sold on the opportunity to own a piece of a basketball team full of form...

Diamondbacks Trying To Set Land Speed Record In Stadium Financing Scam<em></em>
After the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors voted 4-1 to end a 16-month legal fight with the Diamondbacks on Wednesday, the team will now be allowed to leave their current ballpark for a shiny new stadium as early as 2022, five years before their 30-year agreement to play in their current ballpar...

One Sketchy Photo Shoot Landed This Woman's Face On Everything From Bottled Water To Vaginal Cream
Katy Gaines made her world debut on a billboard ad for a health food store in Portugal. Shortly afterwards, she popped up hawking cell phone data on the side of a bus in Oslo. Even in Orange County, where Gaines grew up, a friend recognized her on the pamphlet for a teeth whitening treatment. She’s ...

MLB Prospect Sues Lending Firm For "Unconscionable" And "Exploitative" Behavior
Big League Advance Fund is a company owned by former MLB pitcher Michael Schwimer. The company, of which Browns President Paul DePodesta is a board member, is apparently in the business of seeking out up-and-coming baseball prospects and paying them a chunk of money up front in exchange for a massiv...

Here Are Some Tennis Contraptions You Really Don't Need
All you really need to play tennis is a friend....

The Winter Olympics Feature 2,951 Of The World’s Greatest Athletes, And Also This Woman<em></em><em></em>
There’s a premise built into the structure of the Olympics that pretty much every single Olympian, even those far down the standings, are elite athletes at the top of their game performing at a level most fans could only dream of. Freestyle skier Elizabeth Swaney is an affront to this notion, and he...

Cobb County Proposes Cutting Libraries After Dumb Decision To Build The Braves A Stadium
The people of Cobb County, Ga., have a budget conundrum on their hands, thanks to craven former county chairman Tim Lee’s insistence on spending almost $400 million in public money for a stadium without giving the public a chance to vote on it. Despite a record-high tax digest, the county is $30 to ...

Dumb Column: Sacramento Shouldn't Pay For MLS Stadium, But Maybe Sacramento Could Pay For MLS Stadium<em></em>
There’s one MLS expansion slot left, and it’ll soon be awarded to Cincinnati, Sacramento, or Detroit. Sacramento once looked like a lock to get an expansion spot, but it’s now rather uncertain, likely because Sacramento’s ownership group isn’t as flamboyantly wealthy as their competitors....

Chris Gatling Sentenced To 2.5 Years In Prison For Fraud
Two years ago, former NBA All-Star Chris Gatling was charged with fraud, aggravated identity theft, and forgery. He was accused of running a network of online businesses that illegally charged people’s credit cards without them knowing about it. Yesterday, he was sentenced to 2.5 years in prison aft...

Tom Brady's New App Will Give You Terrible Wellness Advice For $199.99 A Year
Tom Brady, in his quest to become the NFL’s answer to Gwyneth Paltrow, has just launched the TB12 Method mobile app. The TB12 Method is the dubious lifestyle brand that Brady cooked up with Alex Guerrero, a truly dangerous and dishonest quack who is Brady’s personal trainer. For the low cost of $19....

Pistons Home Games Are Already Attendance Disasters
You know that sparkling new arena that Detroit and its citizens paid a hefty chunk of $863 million for? Yeah, nobody is going to games there....