scary Page 14 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The SEC Might Get A Uniform Drug-Testing Policy, Which Is Dumb
Some SEC school officials have been pushing for the implementation of a conference-wide substance-abuse policy, a move that would regulate the testing and punishment policies for every school in the conference. Why are they doing this? Because they are sore losers....
Now Vijay Singh Is Suing The PGA Tour Because Of Deer Antler Spray
Deer antler spray may not be effective at delivering a growth hormone, but it does keep giving strength to dumb stories....
Baseball Player Uses Teammate's Pee For Drug Test, Fails Drug Test
Pro tip: If you're going to use somebody else's pee to try and weasel your way out of a drug test, don't borrow pee from the guy who has an Adderall prescription....
Deer Antler Spray Panic: Vijay Singh Is Dumb, But He's Not A Doper
Vijay Singh admitted to using deer antler spray, a "supplement" containing the banned substance IGF-1. But deer antler spray is so ineffective at delivering IGF-1 that the PGA tour has decided not to punish him. This is almost more embarrassing for Singh: he may not be suspended, but he did get scam...
Ingenious Prank Sends Parents Into Weed Panic
Comedian Nathan Fielder came up with a wonderful idea yesterday. He instructed his Twitter followers to text "got 2 grams for $20" to their parents, immediately follow up with "Sorry ignore that txt. Not for you," and then tweet a screenshot of the ensuing conversation. The results were, as you mig...
Bro Rolls Two-And-A-Half Pound Joint, Gets It Confiscated By The Cops
If you're ever going to roll a two-and-a-half pound joint, I guess 4/20 at UC Santa Cruz is the day to do it. Also, "butthurt" is a term that we are wary of throwing around, but that bro is the definition of butthurt. ...
Rocky Mountain High, Amirite?
We'll have what the guy with the beard and sunglasses is having....
Reports: It Was A-Rod, Naturally, Who Bought PED Evidence
Earlier today, the New York Times reported that MLB had paid a former Biogenesis employee for documents relating to the clinic's alleged supplying of PEDs to a number of baseball players. That's foolish and self-defeating on its own, but the interesting part was the insinuation that MLB's move was i...
MLB Breaks Out The Scuzz Money, Pays For Biogenesis Evidence
You almost feel a little bad for MLB, like a toddler aware of, but not quite capable of the locomotion required to reach and open the snack drawer. They know all those juicy Biogenesis clinic records are there for the taking, but just can't seem to get their hands on them, even as seemingly everyon...
Major League Baseball Just Straight Up Sued The Wrong Guy
Major League Baseball, an organization with massive revenues and a squadron of high-priced lawyers, filed against the wrong person—just, flat out, the wrong guy—in its (specious) claim against Biogenesis, forcing the falsely accused Miami-area salesman to retain a lawyer for his defense. This mix-up...
Brendon Ayanbadejo Is "In Talks With A Handful Of Players Who Are Considering" Coming Out Of The Closet
It's perfect that the first NFL players to come out of the closet—indeed, the first active players in any North American sport—will do so after a protracted negotiation that resembles collective contract bargaining, except with less salary caps and signing bonuses and more public declarations of sex...
Jason Taylor Went On CNN And Said Dumb Shit About Drugs
From time to time, former NFL star Jason Taylor has been known to say thoughtful and inspiring things on camera. This was not one of those times. Last night, Taylor was a guest on CNN's (Get To) The Point—a show about baby boomers attempting to perch themselves precariously yet gracefully on plasti...
"Six-Month Investigation" Reveals Synthetic Marijuana "Epidemic" At Auburn
If you were wondering what it takes to write a good, old-fashioned Scary New Drugs! article, it takes 12 failed tests and a principal's testimony in open court about using "spice," the scary-sounding and "highly addictive" pot-like substance....
MLB Is Playing Legal Whac-A-Mole In The Biogenesis Case
Major League Baseball is not the government. Bud Selig is not a senator, Joe Torre is not a district attorney, and the Phillie Phanatic has sworn no oath to uphold principles of any kind. And judging from the news today about MLB's plans to sue Biogenesis (the clinic which, according to the Miami Ne...
Robotic Death Copters May Darken Skies At Pro Golf Tournaments
That terrifying image is a picture of a remote-controlled death contraption known as the Hoverfly in action. The Golf Channel plans to test one out while filming an episode of On The Range, and if the test goes well, the Hoverfly may be used to help broadcast future tournaments. Be very afraid....
Star Akron Guard Alex Abreu Busted On Felony Drug Trafficking Charges
The Akron Zips will be without the services of starting point guard Alex Abreu after the All-MAC junior found himself in jail today facing multiple felony charges....
Len Bias Still Makes Everyone Crazy
Twenty-seven years later, we're still losing our shit over Len Bias. ...
Mike Piazza's Book Tour Produced An Excellent Illustration Of The Absurdity Of Steroid Handwringing
Mike Piazza wrote a memoir, and if early releases are any indication, it's mostly about how weird a human being he is. Perhaps because of his eccentric streak, many apparently hoped that the book would be a tell-all about the steroid era, like Jose Canseco's Juiced from someone who isn't (as much of...
Biogenesis PED Records Just Being Given Out In Boxes Of Cereal Now
First, the Miami New Times obtained some records of South Florida "anti-aging" clinic Biogenesis, which appears to tie MLB players to banned performance enhancing drugs. Then Yahoo obtained additional Biogenesis records, naming additional players....