Scottish Club Apologizes After Fans Throw Fake Eyeballs At Partially Blind Opposing Player

Scottish second-tier club Falkirk issued a club statement on Tuesday apologizing and condemning the behavior of “a small number of individuals” at that afternoon’s match against Dunfermline. During the match, some Falkirk supporters threw fake eyeballs at Dunfermline’s Dean Shiels, who was blinded in his right eye…

Scotland National Team Manager Wants Big Scots To Hump And Make Tall Players

Gordon Strachan, manager of the Scotland national soccer team, has given lots of thought to what exactly is plaguing his native country’s soccer. Insufficient funding? His own bad coaching? The natural limitations of a nation of only about five million people? All minor issues by Strachan’s reckoning. The real problem…

5-Year-Old Diehard Celtic Fan Calls Up Club To Apologize For Missing Game

Kids these days. They whine and whine about how much they want—no, need—that drum set they’re always going on about, then you get one for them and after two months it sits quietly in the basement, unused and collecting dust. “But daaaaad, all my friends have motorized scooters,” that ungrateful brat squeals, near…

We’ve Translated This Apoplectic Irish Soccer Fan's Rant For Those Not Fluent In Crazy-Speak

A few weeks ago, Juventus defeated Celtic 3-0 in Champions League play. Soon after, this video of a mildly distressed Celtic fan appeared on the internet. We do not know who this young woman is, and we do not have any idea what she is saying in this video, but we do know that her grief is very real and also very…

20-Year-Old Soccer Player Gets Pulled From Stands, Suits Up For Scottish National Team, Scores Dramatic Game-Tying Goal

You hear about improbable debuts in sports all the time, but anybody else's story would be hard-pressed to top that of Sarah Crilly. Last week, the 20-year-old university student, who plays for club team Hamilton Academical, was sitting in the stands watching Scotland's national team play an exhibition against Norway,…

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