screamer Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Like Clockwork
Cross the ball, head the ball, score a goal. It is the simplest tactic in soccer. It is what practically all teams resort to when the need for a goal is at its most dire. It is a strategy without frills or subtlety. When it works, it is nearly unstoppable. However, it very rarely works—rarely in a s...
Tottenham Overcome Terrible Luck To Beat Manchester City
Tottenham fans could be forgiven for believing that their club is cursed. It seems like Spurs somehow give up that one goal or lose that one game or suffer that one injury that consigns them to failure at the least convenient possible times, even during this miraculously successful spell under manag...
Eden Hazard Is Dragging Chelsea Towards The Champions League
Where on God’s green Premier League table would Chelsea be if not for Eden Hazard? The Blues’ Belgian stud got them at least two extra points singlehandedly today by taking a machete to West Ham in a 2-0 win, scoring a brace to boost his team up to third place. This was the second game in a row in w...
Diego Costa Red Carded For Threatening To Poop On Referee's Mother
Luis Suárez and Lionel Messi each scored in Barcelona’s 2-0 win over Atlético Madrid on Saturday to all but mathematically seal the league title, but no one player did more to ensure Barça’s victory than Atleti’s Diego Costa, who got red carded early on in the match for literally talking shit about ...
Gerard Deulofeu May Not Be The Next Big Thing, But Try Telling Him That
You might not think it from the look on his face, but the photo above depicts a man immediately after he scored a monumentally important goal. Or maybe, in the confidence of his statuesque pose—his expressionless and stationary presenting of himself to the crowd, the way it feels like he’s saying to...
Paris Saint-Germain's Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting Delivers A Strong Contender For Miss Of The Season
Cameroonian international Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting has been having a tough time on his new Ligue 1 squad. After heading over to Paris Saint-Germain on a free transfer from Stoke City, the forward has only managed to net three goals in 18 appearances. His first goal came in September of last year aga...
Matheus Cunha Caps Off RB Leipzig's Comeback Win Over Bayer Leverkusen With An Utterly Disrespectful Goal
Things quickly fell apart for Bayer Leverkusen just over on hour into their match against RB Leipzig on Saturday. After leading most of the match 2-1, Timo Werner tied things up with a solid strike from inside the box. Emil Forsberg then gave his squad a 3-2 lead over their opponents after convertin...
Raúl Jiménez Finally Found A Place Where He Can Be The Hero
Yesterday, Premier League club Wolverhampton made Raúl Jiménez the most expensive Mexican player ever by paying a reported transfer fee of £30 million to make the on-loan striker’s move to the West Midlands permanent. The signing is a savvy one from Wolves’ perspective, as they get a proven goalscor...
Italian Soccer's Latest Response To Racist Fan Behavior Is Embarrassing
The biggest story at Juventus today should be the whirlwind ascent of the baby-faced striker phenom, Moise Kean. Yesterday, the 19-year-old Italian of Ivorian descent scored the match-killing goal against Cagliari, his fourth goal in his last four games for club and country. And while Kean is indeed...
Virgil van Dijk Didn't Slip
I don’t know who is going to win the Premier League this season. Manchester City should be slight favorites over Liverpool because of their better record and superior depth, but the margins separating the two clubs are so minute that it’s impossible to feel strongly one way or the other. What does s...
Is Lionel Messi The One True God? An Expert Weighs In
The true identity of God has been a subject of much fascination and debate since the beginning of time. The Christian Bible contends that Jesus Christ is God. Old Dirty Bastard believed it was The Black Man. Others say God is actually Argentine soccer star Lionel Messi. Pope Francis, a man intimatel...
England Keeper Jordan Pickford Goes Out Drinking, Gets Mercilessly Heckled, Gets Into Brawl
Everton and England keeper Jordan Pickford, who is nearly a year removed from becoming a certified World Cup hero, returned to his home city of Sunderland, England over the weekend for a night out. Perhaps he was hoping to celebrate Everton’s 2-0 victory over West Ham with some of the local lads, bu...
Lionel Messi Slows Down Time, Scores Free Kick
It looks so damn easy to stop, this latest entry into Lionel Messi’s lightyear-long highlight reel. The free kick from just outside the box hangs in the air for an eternity, seemingly giving the goalie, or a defender, or a fan sitting at the top of the upper deck ample time to track the ball, move t...
Now Ole Gunnar Solskjær Has A Chance To Prove He's The Real Deal
I’d bet there isn’t a person with decision-making power at Manchester United who saw this coming, other than maybe Ole Gunnar Solskjær himself. But here we are, with United rewarding Solskjær for his complete turnaround of what looked like a lost season by officially making him the club’s permanent ...
Even American Soccer Fandom Is Plagued By Pay-To-Play
If you had to point out a single factor that most contributes to the U.S.’s stunted development as a soccer nation, you could make a good case for pay-to-play as the culprit. Pay-to-play is the system that sections off the best youth coaching and competition and reserves it only for those who can af...
Inept Soccer Team Takes Fifty-Four (54) Shots And Scores Zero (0) Goals
Bolivian club Nacional Potosí hosted Venezuelan club Zulia last night in a Copa Sudamericana match, South America’s equivalent to the Europa League. Nacional had 79 percent possession of the ball and popped off a staggering 54 shots. Zulia took just six shots all night and completed just 47 percent ...
Tottenham's Long Stadium Nightmare Is (Almost) Over
At long last, Tottenham Hotspur have a home. After years-long saga to get their new stadium ready for actual soccer, Spurs’ new grounds will be ready in time for an April 3 Premier League match-up against Crystal Palace, according to a statement put out by the club on Sunday:...
Dickhead Soccer Fans Wrench Player's Jersey From The Hands Of Sobbing Little Boy
A soccer-loving Brazilian tyke learned first-hand the true, asshole-y nature of the sport’s grown fans this weekend when, at the conclusion of a match between Atlético Mineiro and América, the boy was delighted to find himself in possession of Atlético youngster Alerrandro’s game-worn jersey only to...
Lionel Messi's Hat Trick Inspired Opposing Supporters To Give Him A Standing Ovation
Lionel Messi doesn’t have to keep showing his greatness to us mere mortals, but he does so anyway out of the kindness of his heart. His latest act of generosity came against Real Betis where he scored an incredible hat trick in a 4-1 victory for his 477th win in a Barcelona shirt—a new club record....
![Here Is The Champions League Quarterfinals Draw [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/mfkeutccfhdcgymitn32.jpg)
Here Is The Champions League Quarterfinals Draw [UPDATE]
The Champions League draw for the quarterfinals took place on Friday from Nyon, Switzerland, and, after a pleasingly brisk presentation, we now know what the next round of European soccer will look like, as well as the paths to the June 1 final....