screamer Page 161 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
World's Saddest Goalkeeper Also Has The World's Saddest Twitter Bio
This is Steve Harper, a 39-year-old goalkeeper in his first season for Hull City after being a fixture on the Newcastle United bench for the better part of 20 years, which included stints on loan elsewhere. He is, relatively speaking, baddish at his job....
A Striker For You! Another For You!: Your Transfer Deadline Day Roundup
Another crazy transfer deadline has came and went, and after a couple tense hours of waiting, it appears most of the biggest moves, like Radamel Falcao to Manchester United, were squeezed under before the curtain fell. Here's a recap of the biggest moves completed yesterday:...
Is The World's Best Manager Good Enough For Bayern Munich?
On July 27th, just months after the end of Pep Guardiola's first campaign as coach of Bayern Munich—one in which his team won four titles and dominated the Bundesliga like a counselors' team in a summer camp league—Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, Bayern's chairman, did something strange. While discussing whe...
Slightly Creepy Bart Simpson Joins Russian Soccer Club
In some kind of convoluted branding exercise, Russian soccer club Zenit St. Petersburg introduced a slightly off Bart Simpson as its new player today. Synergy!...
There Were So Many Goals In Today's Everton-Chelsea Match
Alright, Chelsea beat Everton by three goals today—two of which it took them all of three minutes into the match to score—but that doesn't even begin to state how insane this game was. There were nine goals! There could've been three more! There was a Tim Howard head butt!...
Ageless Wonders, Crazy Owners, And Ultras: Our 2014-2015 Serie A Preview
Italy's Serie A is a league of stories, full of characters, narratives, plots, tensions, climaxes, and clichés. Time and again, the line between fact and fiction becomes so blurred that you just have to throw your hands up and shrug. You really couldn't make a lot of this stuff up....
Wayne Routledge Scores With A Beautiful Chest-High Volley
Mmmmm, this contorted, leaping volley from outside the box by Swansea City's Wayne Routledge is just delicious. How did he get his foot so high?...
Report: Manchester City Join Arsenal, Real Madrid In Falcao Sweepstakes
We are in the final throes of what has already been a hectic summer transfer window, and it now looks likely that at least one more huge name will be on the move, with Falcao possibly strengthening an already way-too-good Man City attack....
Polish Fans Hoist Giant Anti-UEFA Banner
Legia Warsaw fans are still salty after getting DQ'd from the Champions League for fielding a suspended player, despite beating Celtic 6-1 on aggregate. So today, two days after Celtic were themselves knocked out, Legia fans raised this display: a big fat pig surrounded by the UEFA logo, with the ca...
The Making And Unmaking Of Preston Zimmerman, American Soccer Player
A version of this story originally appeared in the fall 2012 edition of XI Quarterly. ...
Here's Your 2014-2015 Champions League Draw
The Champions League group stage draw was today after the tournament's playoff stage wrapped up yesterday. This is what we have to look forward to....
Striker Scores On Insane Long-Distance Volley
Today's soccer hotness comes from a Champions League match in Sweden, where Malmo's Magnus Eriksson launched a ridiculous left-footed strike from well outside the box over the head of Salzburg goalkeeper Péter Gulácsi. Malmo's keeper launched the ball into a scrum deep in Salzburg territory. Meanw...
MK Dons Score Gorgeous Goal While Bossing Manchester United
Milton Keynes Dons of League One—that's the league below the league below the Premier League—put a goddamn hurting on Manchester United in a League Cup match today, beating them 4-0 to the delight of nearly everyone in the world. Here is the third and prettiest goal of the match, featuring some deft...
Ain't No Liga Like The One I Got: Your 2014-15 La Liga Preview
Here we are. The La Liga season has just started up, and now we get to watch the league with the world's three best players, its two best teams, and the saddest hodgepodge of patsies since Enter the Dragon. In spite of these financial realities, Spain managed to produce Europe's wildest title race...
<em>FIFA Weekly's</em> Sepp Blatter Profile Is A Marvel Of Propaganda
This week's edition of FIFA Weekly, a magazine that exists, for some reason, contains a short profile of FIFA president Sepp Blatter. It is one of the most rank and shameless pieces of propaganda ever committed to print. ...
Cameroonian Soccer Player Dies After Fan-Thrown Object Hits Him In Head
Albert Ebosse was pronounced dead shortly after his team lost to USM Alger in the Algerian football championship. Fans allegedly threw rocks on the pitch as both teams were heading for the locker rooms after a 2-1 win over JS Kabylie. Ebosse was hit in the head and taken to the hospital in Tizi Ouzo...
Athletic Bilbao Robbed Of Equalizer From Goalkeeper, Lose To Malaga
Athletic Bilbao appeared to steal a tie from the jaws of defeat with a goal in stoppage time off a set-piece header from their keeper, Gorka Iraizoz. After the initial frenzy, it was disallowed for no apparent reason. Malaga hung on to win, 1-0....
Bayer Leverkusen Scores On Borussia Dortmund Nine Seconds Into Match
Karim Bellarabi set a new Bundesliga record when he scored the opening goal of Borussia Dortmund-Bayer Leverkusen just nine seconds into those teams' league season....
Sweet Romelu Lukaku Run Puts Everton Up 2-0 On Arsenal
Romelu Lukaku leapt and no-look passed Everton to a 2-0 lead over Arsenal in the last minute of the first half with a great run and feed to Steven Naismith. Naismith was offside, yes, but it's still a pretty bit of soccering. ...