screamer Page 162 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Did Mesut Özil Actually Suck Last Year? Whose Fault Was That?
It was easy to blame Mesut Özil, because it's easy to blame any athlete for anything. But last year, it was particularly easy to blame Mesut Özil. He arrived under the halo of his record £42.5 million fee at Arsenal, implicitly anointing him Savior, a title that almost always preempts failure....
Mauro Zárate Drills Home Magnificent Volley Off The Deflection
West Ham United took a 1-0 lead on Crystal Palace today when Mauro Zárate—in his first start for a new squad—lined up a volley after a sky-high deflection of a shot from teammate Mark Noble....
What An Enormous Boner
Peruvian side Universidad César Vallejo took a 2-1 lead into the half against Colombian squad Millonarios in Copa Sudamericana action tonight thanks to the enormous boner of Millonarios keeper Luis Enrique Delgado....
The Sad Ballad Of The Short-Lived @TotallyManU
The tragedy of Totally Man U must be a gag. No one would leave their job and spend their money just to blast out news to Manchester United fans all day, right? Right?...
British Skip Bayless Has A Strong Take On Mario Balotelli
We'll have more on this as an actual soccer move when (if?) it becomes official, but it's looking pretty near certain that AC Milan striker/international style icon Mario Balotelli will be returning to the Premier League, slotting in at Liverpool to replace Luis Suárez. Chris Bascombe over at the Te...
Kid Asks Jamie Carragher The Only Luis Suárez Question Worth Asking
A kid at a soccer camp asked Jamie Carragher, former Liverpool teammate of the bitey Luis Suárez, if Suárez ever sank his teeth into him. Carragher gave no answer except for a laugh. Kid should have followed up....
2022 World Cup Final To Be Played In City That's Currently Not Real
The 2022 Qatar World Cup continues to be a disastrous exercise for the world's most beautiful game. In addition to the deadly slave labor and oppressive heat, a CNN article from Monday points out that the city expected to host the final, Lusail, still needs to be built: ...
Turkish Soccer Fans Honor Mike Brown
[Besiktas fans at today's Champions League qualifying match against Arsenal hold up a sign in honor of Mike Brown, the unarmed 18-year-old who was shot dead by police in Ferguson, Missouri, last week. Photo by Ehran Aladi/Getty]...
How Chelsea's Missing Piece Fell Into Their Lap
Yesterday, Chelsea kicked off their season against Premier League minnows Burnley. When the match started, their new, star midfielder Cesc Fàbregas looked strange, out of place donned in blue. He didn't seem like he fit. ...
Chelsea, <em>Hot Damn</em>
It's too early to declare something a goal of the year contender...right?...
MLS Players Scores His Own Shoe (It Did Not Count)
Toronto FC's Bright Dike gave this a decent effort but MLS still requires that a valid goal must be scored with the game ball, not one's cleat. Bummer....
Something Disgusting Happened In Ashley Young's Mouth
It's hard to say exactly what this is that flies directly into Ashley Young's mouth—many on Twitter say it's bird shit, which should make you want to eat Clorox wipes for a week—but even if it's just human spit, it's equal parts amazing and gross. ...
West Ham Idiot Runs Length Of Pitch, Takes Free Kick For Spurs
An Idiot On The Field invaded the pitch at Upton Park today, and made the most of his time in the spotlight: he took a crucial free kick for the visiting Tottenham Hotspur....
This Isn't Your Club's Year: Our 2014-2015 Premier League Preview
Woohoo, soccer people. We're back....
Angry Soccer Coach Tries To Kick Ball, Falls Right On His Ass
Here is your latest reminder that you should never, ever try to kick something while you are angry. Because when you are angry you tend to forget things—like the fact that you are wearing very expensive dress shoes and standing on a slick floor, and that even though you are so damn mad and that ball...
Borussia Dortmund Player Scores Goal, Dons Spider-Man Mask
Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 2-0 in the DFL Supercup today, thanks in large part to a spectacular header from Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in the 61st minute. After he scored, Aubameyang yanked a Spider-Man mask out of his sock and put it on his head because, sure, why the hell not?...
American Hero Clint Dempsey Gives Up Shirt For Kid's Popcorn
Clint Dempsey was craving some popcorn after the Seattle Sounders' game against Houston last night, so he gave his jersey to a kid in the stands in exchange for free reign at a bucket of popcorn. Also, anyone in the vicinity interested in seeing a shirtless Clint Dempsey got that view at no extra ch...
Diego Maradona Slaps Fool-Ass Reporter For Winking At His Ex-Wife
Diego Maradona is and always will be the GOAT, mostly because he's the type of dude who, at the age of 53, will calmly exit his car, wade into a throng of reporters, find the one who may or may not have winked at his wife, and slap that dingus right in his face....
It's Over Before It Started: What You Need To Know About France Ligue 1
France's Ligue 1 kicks off today, and outside of watching Zlatan Ibrahimović and Paris Saint-Germain make fools of their opponents week after week en route to a third league championship in three years, you may be thinking "What's the point?"...
Ted Lasso Is Back, And He's Still Clueless About Soccer
Jason Sudeikis has reprised his role as Ted Lasso, the American football coach who doesn't know shit about soccer, and the bit is still funny....