screamer Page 28 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
English Teen Lauren Hemp Scores From The Right Flank With Her Right Flank<em></em>
If we were to build a pantheon of world soccer’s most lethal weapons, there are a few iconic appendages we can think of that would be locks to make it in: Lionel Messi’s left foot, Cristiano Ronaldo’s right, Abby Wambach’s head. To those ranks we must now add the right hip/stomach/ribs region of Lau...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Produced One Of The Best MLS Highlights You'll Ever See
D.C. United sent their keeper up for a corner kick with a minute left in stoppage time of a tied game. It backfired, spectacularly. Then it didn’t, spectacularly, and it was all thanks to good ol’ Wayne Rooney. ...
New Madrid Keeper Thibaut Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos
Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibaut Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst onto the La Liga scene to challenge the duopoly of Barcelona and Real Madrid. Now, since his transfer to Real earlier this week, Courtois has been forced to awkwardly answer for hi...
Paul Pogba's Weirdo Penalty Is The First Premier League Goal Of The Season
At the start of a game that probably shouldn’t be played right now (I mean really, the World Cup ended less than a month ago for chrissakes, don’t these guys deserve some rest?), a player that probably shouldn’t be playing (Paul Pogba had a big role in that World Cup right up till the end, you might...
The Best Dribbler In The World Is Back In The Premier League
The best, most unstoppable dribbler in world soccer will be playing in the Premier League this season. Though it’s probably not the player you think....
Extremely Not-Desperate Chelsea Break The Bank To Sign Their Second-Choice Keeper
The very gloomy outlook for Chelsea’s upcoming Premier League season just got a little bit brighter, albeit at a hefty cost. The Blues welcomed a new goalkeeper to the club today in Athletic Bilbao’s Kepa Arrizabalaga, who pretty understandably just goes by “Kepa” most of the time. Kepa’s price tag,...
Steven Gerrard Translates English Into English For English-Speaking Player
The one in which Rangers’ English manager Steven Gerrard (yes, that Steven Gerrard) translates the Scottish press’s English into English so that his new Croatian defender, Nikola Katić, can understand the questions and then reply in English himself:...
The NWSL's Sky Blue FC Is Falling Apart, On The Field And Off
Sky Blue FC is the longest operating women’s professional soccer club in the United States. It has survived the collapse of Women’s Professional Soccer, the predecessor to the National Women’s Soccer League, and made it through some tumultuous recent years in the NWSL, too. But six seasons into the ...
Soccer On American TV Is Going Straight To A Fiery, Paywalled Hell
Back in the golden age of soccer TV in the U.S.—think back, if you were lucky enough to be there for them, to those naive, innocent, halcyon days of 2016—America was the best place on earth to be a couch-dwelling soccer fan. In those heady times, stateside followers of the beautiful game could gorge...
Here Are 10 Minutes Of The Finest Soccer Passes From Last Season
The Premier League season starts this weekend. It’s been like four seconds since the World Cup ended. Regardless, that’s exciting news....
The Best Comedy Bits Going Are Leeds Manager Marcelo Bielsa's Interviews
If you’ve found yourself confused about why those familiar with Argentine mad genius manager Marcelo Bielsa were giddy with excitement when he got the Leeds United job earlier this summer, just watch the bizarre, hilarious, Google Translate-in-the-flesh pre- and post-match interviews he gave to Sky ...
This Could Be A Very Bad Season For Chelsea
Recent history tells us that 2018-19 is going to be a good year for Chelsea. Over the past four seasons, the Blues have see-sawed back and forth between amazing, Premier League–winning seasons and disastrously disappointing years in which unmotivated players coast through 38 games. With a fifth-plac...
It's Time To Get Excited About The USWNT
On the one hand, this was just a friendly that the Stars and Stripes were supposed to win. But on the other hand, it’s time to get frickin’ hyped about the USWNT! With a 4-1 win over Brazil on Thursday night, America took home the Tournament of Nations trophy. But more important than that hardware i...
These Inventive Keeper Drills Honestly Seem Like A Lot Of Fun
Professional soccer players are probably the only athletes whose practice regimens look somewhat enjoyable. Every time I see footage of a Premier League training session everyone is just kind of jogging around pleasantly or playing keep-away, and I kind of wish I could join in. The same goes for thi...
Megan Rapinoe Is Still Pulling All The Right Strings
A 90th-minute Megan Rapinoe corner kick led to a dramatic Lindsey Horan goal for the USWNT on Sunday night, forcing a 1-1 draw with Australia and keeping America unbeaten through the first two games of the Tournament of Nations—which are just some friendlies but nonetheless hold real importance as W...
The LAFC-Galaxy Rivalry Is Becoming A Weird, Messy Thrill
Upstart Los Angeles Football Club and the Los Angeles Galaxy played their second-ever derby on Thursday night. The first match was an all-time classic, featuring a three-goal, second-half Galaxy comeback capped off by two Zlatan Ibrahimović goals, the first perhaps the best MLS goal to date, to give...
Canada Has Its Own Wonderteen And Bayern Munich Just Paid $13 Million For Him
Bayern Munich have completed a deal today with the Vancouver Whitecaps for the MLS team’s 17-year-old winger, Alphonso Davies, effective at the January transfer window after he turns 18. The German giants will pay $13 million for Davies up front, with various bonuses kicking in if the young Canadian...
Bayern Munich President Brutally And Inexplicably Owns Mesut Özil
Germany and Arsenal midfielder Mesut Ozil announced his retirement from international soccer on Sunday, citing racism from fans, criticism of a photo he took with Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, and unfair scapegoating by German’s top soccer officials. For no obvious reason, Bayern Munich pr...
Liverpool's B-Team Came To America To Get Smacked Around By Christian Pulisic
Wonderteen Christian Pulisic willed Borussia Dortmund to a 3-1 victory over Liverpool in the International Champions Cup on Sunday, in front of 55,447 of his countrymen in Charlotte. The 19-year-old subbed in at halftime with his team down 1-0 and promptly took the game over. ...
LAFC's Adama Diomande Says Portland Timbers Player Called Him The N-Word During Game
LAFC striker Adama Diomande wrote in an Instagram post that an opponent on the Portland Timbers called him “the ‘N’ word” during his team’s U.S. Open Cup match on Wednesday. Diomande came on in the second half as a substitute in his team’s 3-2 win, and while he exchanged a few words with Timbers pla...