screamer Page 45 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
French Soccer Ref Loses His Mind After Getting Accidentally Tripped By Player
Because soccer referees need to be in the thick of the action, every now and then they will be inadvertently tripped up or bowled over by a player. A normal reaction to this is for the ref to clamber back to his feet with a smirk, and maybe laugh about the accident with the sheepish player once play...
Manchester United Need To Stay The Fuck Away From Our Wonderteen
The good thing about having one of the soccer world’s most coveted young attacking prospects is that the eyes of the game’s biggest clubs will be focused on the kid, each team projecting out his possibly incredible future and positioning themselves to snatch it for themselves if they so decide to ma...
These Japanese Kids Suck So Hard At Soccer That Not Even 100 Of Them Can Beat Three Pros
Last time the youth of Japan were given an opportunity to demonstrate their sporting acumen in the whimsical world of Japanese game shows, 55 children tried and failed to best a team of a mere two professional players in soccer. Recently, that same game show gave 100 more kids the chance to redeem t...
Romelu Lukaku Did Not Leave Everton Because Of "Voodoo"
Farhad Moshiri, the majority shareholder of Everton, took some time at a shareholders’ meeting yesterday to explain, according to him, why his club could not convince former Toffee and current Manchester United striker Romelu Lukaku not to leave last summer. Moshiri’s bizarre explanation—that Lukaku...
May All Your Failures End Up As Serendipitously As This Soccer Coach's Attempt To Lean Against A Fence
I don’t think I’ve ever done anything on purpose with the poise and commitment that Marius Sumudica, manager of the Turkish soccer team Kayserispor, brings to playing off this accidental fall so that it looks like he intended all along to lower himself into a metal hammock. Seems comfy. ...
Liverpool Mayor Writes Nutty Letter To The FA Calling For Investigation Of Ross Barkley Transfer
Joe Anderson is the mayor of Liverpool. He is also a diehard and delusional Everton fan. It is presumably this mix of a mayor’s political sway and a fan’s righteous indignation that inspired him to call the cops and ask them to investigate a transfer he didn’t like....
José Mourinho And Antonio Conte Are In An Outrageously Unprofessional And Deliciously Petty Beef
José Mourinho and Antonio Conte do not like each other. You might have picked up on this fact over the past week or so, seeing as the two managers have been openly slamming each other in the media like a couple rappers going verse-for-verse in a freestyle battle. The resulting insults have been as p...
U.S. Soccer Only Has Itself To Blame After Losing Jonathan González To Mexico
The United States’ defensive midfielder of the future will not be Jonathan González. A few days after reports surfaced that Mexico would be mounting a serious effort to flip the 18-year-old midfielder, he’s apparently made up his mind and will leave the USMNT behind to play for El Tri. Univision Dep...
PSG's Gorgeous One-Touch Move Was The Best Goal Of The Weekend
From the first forward pass a PSG player hits in this clip, the ball travels from the doorstep of the Parisian goal down the entire length of the pitch and into Rennes’s net in about 15 seconds. The move involves only 11 touches of the ball, six of which are either first-touch passes or a shot. It i...
American Defender Lays Waste To Arsenal In FA Cup First Half
Nottingham Forest’s Eric Lichaj has spent the vast majority of his career in the second tier of English soccer and the fringes of the USMNT. But in the first half of his team’s FA Cup match against Arsenal, Lichaj looked like a savior. The 29-year-old American defender scored both of his team’s goal...
Lionel Messi And Jordi Alba Go Over Levante's Heads For A Gorgeous Goal
In a metaphorical sense, Barcelona are almost always playing above their competition. But today against Levante, Lionel Messi and Jordi Alba combined for some play that was literally untouchable. Their give-and-go was almost as suited to volleyball as it was to a soccer pitch, and it was good for Me...
The Coutinho-To-Barcelona Transfer Saga Is Back On, And Might Actually Happen This Time
This past summer was a great one for aficionados of melodramatic transfer window soap operas. The most passion-inflamed and drama-filled ones were the two Barcelona-based series, NeyWatch and One Life to Liverpool. NeyWatch, you probably remember, starred the impossibly hunky Neymar and detailed the...
West Ham And Tottenham Trade Back-To-Back Bangers
Early-season basement dwellers West Ham showed some promise and held their own in a 1-1 draw against Tottenham today, but the point they won is mostly thanks to a bit of magic from Pedro Obiang. The Hammer midfielder, who had only scored two goals total since the start of the 2015-16 season, pulled ...
Mexico Is Trying To Flip A Talented Dual National Away From The USMNT
Jonathan González is not only one of the best players in the U.S. Soccer youth system, he’s already one of the most accomplished teens in Liga MX. The 18-year-old Monterrey midfielder broke into the Rayados first team this season and immediately established himself as a starter in the defensive midf...
Andy Carroll Is Very Good At What He Does, If Not Much Else
It’s sort of a shame that the story of Andy Carroll’s sporting career will almost certainly be the arc of his failures. Yes, at 21 years old Carroll was selected as Liverpool’s heir apparent to Fernando Torres’s Merseyside throne, and yes, he failed miserably at making that seat his own—in large par...
Scottish Club Apologizes After Fans Throw Fake Eyeballs At Partially Blind Opposing Player
Scottish second-tier club Falkirk issued a club statement on Tuesday apologizing and condemning the behavior of “a small number of individuals” at that afternoon’s match against Dunfermline. During the match, some Falkirk supporters threw fake eyeballs at Dunfermline’s Dean Shiels, who was blinded i...
Futsal Kid Scores Penalty, Hits Three Pointer, Causes Mass Hysteria All In One Move
This young man kicking a ball past the keeper and into the net while also kicking his shoe up and through the nearby basketball hoop is the apex of simultaneous multi-sport excellence—which his stunned and elated buddies react to appropriately by losing their minds:...
Christian Pulisic Rings In The New Year With A Powerful And Absolutely Legit Slam Dunk
Christian Pulisic—the wonderteen, the nation’s best and most favored soccer man, an elite athlete blessed with speed and agility and hops we don’t normally associate with slight, diminutive whiteboys—had himself a (mostly) great 2017. To commemorate his metaphorical ascent to the heights of the spor...
Crystal Palace Penalty <i>Almost </i>Ends Man City's Unbeaten Run
Crystal Palace ended Manchester City’s 18-match Premier League win streak today at Selhurst Park, but they could have had so much more than just the draw they came away with. After surviving 90 minutes at 0-0, Palace’s Wilfried Zaha went down in the box on a foul by Raheem Sterling, giving the 17th ...
Jack Wilshere Is Still Alive And Still Capable Of Hitting Beautiful Passes
Today, geriatric 25-year-old Jack Wilshere managed to avoid doing a few typical Jack Wilshere things (like getting sent off for a dumb tackle or injuring himself while charging into a dumb tackle or serving a suspension for a previous sending off in the aftermath of a dumb tackle) just long enough t...