screamer Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sadio Mané Really Fucked Up
Sadio Mané isn’t the sole reason Liverpool failed to beat Everton in a match they completely controlled everywhere except on the scoresheet. You could and probably should blame the referee for awarding Everton an exceptionally soft penalty from which the Toffees scored their only good chance of the ...
They Should Probably Just Give Manchester City The Premier League Title Already
The best big games are clarifying. They’re matches in which the enormity of the moment can turn anyone watching into a fidgeting mess, and in which both teams are given the opportunity to match the game’s magnitude with a peak performance. The moment elevates the performances rather than engulfs it,...
Diego Maradona Gets His Own Weird Statue In India
One of the hottest trends in sports is honoring famous soccer players with hideous busts and gross renderings of their likenesses, and Diego Maradona wasn’t going to be left out. ...
Report: Someone Threw A Pint Of Milk At Jose Mourinho During City-United Dust-Up
Manchester City beat Manchester United 2-1 at Old Trafford yesterday, and apparently, as City were celebrating after the game in the visitors’ locker room, United manager Jose Mourinho took exception to some of the noise—which the visitors then took exception to in hilarious, milky fashion....
The Champions League Round Of 16 Draw Is So Good
After yet another predictable Champions League group stage, we now get to the good stuff with the start of the knockout rounds. And this year’s Round of 16 looks like it will be great. Just look at these tantalizing matchups:...
Jozy Altidore Leads Toronto To Championship In MLS Title Game Rematch
A 67th-minute Jozy Altidore goal led Toronto to a 2-0 win over Seattle that earned his team its first-ever MLS championship and avenged last year’s MLS title match loss to the Sounders....
The "Art Modell Law" Might Be Columbus's Best Shot At Keeping The Crew
The Columbus Crew’s season is over, but the fight over where they’ll play the 2019 season is becoming increasingly heated. Despite it being a horrendous breach of trust with the city of Columbus and an affront to MLS’ bizarre, artificially deflated business model, MLS czar Don Garber is apparently c...
Ugly Soccer Match Becomes Much Better After Dog Invades The Pitch
Macedonian club Vardar hosted Norway’s Rosenborg in blah blah blah oh wow, look at this cute doggy that interrupted the game!...
Soccer Coach Suffers Brutal, Non-Existent Agony After A "Headbutt"
FourFourTwo published this wonderful video of Defensor Sporting’s Alejandro Acevedo pretend-crashing to the ground in pretend anguish over a pretend headbutt from a linesman. Acevedo’s cronies swarmed to drag him back to his feet....
Liverpool's Attack Is Absolutely Terrifying
Spartak Moscow’s Aleksandr Selikhov isn’t the only keeper who, in the midst of a match against Liverpool, after seeing the ball fly past him for the first or third or fifth time of the day, has found himself sitting there on his haunches in dejection, praying that it had all been some terrible dream...
Cristiano Ronaldo May Be Butt In La Liga, But He's Still Good In The Champions League
Real Madrid superstar Cristiano Ronaldo ranks second in La Liga in shots taken per 90 minutes. Ahead of him is some dude named Andrew Hjulsager, who has made two substitute appearances for Celta Vigo. In that time Hjulsager has amassed 12 minutes and fired off a single shot, giving him a 7.5 shots-p...
Crazy Russian Lady Slaps Carles Puyol In Face With Big Ol' Dildo
Retired Barcelona legend Carles Puyol expected to fiddle around with an assortment of (plastic) balls when he participated in last week’s World Cup group draw in host country Russia. But what he could not have expected was being accosted by a lady telling him “I want to fuck you, I have so big dick,...
Norwegian Cup Winner Fucks Trophy
Lillestrøm won the Norwegian Football Cup yesterday, with a 3-2 victory over Sarpsborg, and defender Aleksander Melgalvis celebrated very enthusiastically—by taking all his clothes off onstage and then placing his dick inside the trophy, so as to keep things modest. ...
Praise Soccer Jesus: Sunil Gulati Will Not Run For Re-Election As U.S. Soccer President
Sunil Gulati, the U.S. Soccer Federation’s president for the last 12 years and the man who presided over the worst debacle in American soccer history, has told ESPN that he will not seek to retain his position in February’s election. This is good news!...
David de Gea Beat Arsenal All By Himself
Manchester United beat Arsenal this weekend by a 3-1 scoreline that totally belied the action on the field. United didn’t really deserve to win, in the sense people mean when they say teams that impose their will on their opponent by doing lots of good things while preventing the opposition from doi...
Stoppage Time Winner Sends Chapecoense To Copa Libertadores One Year After Plane Crash
One year after losing 19 of its players in a plane crash that killed 71 people, Brazilian club Chapecoense clinched qualification to the Copa Libertadores—the South American Champions League—with a last-second stoppage time winner scored by Túlio de Melo....
Here Are The Groups For The 2018 World Cup
It’s been three and a half years since the last World Cup, and after a long wait we’re tantalizingly close. Now we have something real to look at until the summer after the teams that made the tournament were drawn into their groups today:...
Marouane Fellaini And New Balance Headed To Court Over Allegedly Shitty Cleats
Marouane Fellaini is suing New Balance for £2 million in damages after the shoe brand prematurely terminated his contract, which the company said it did because Fellaini wore the shoes without the logo, which Fellaini said he did because the shoes were pieces of crap that hurt his feet, and the logo...
Antoine Griezmann Smacked In A Very Pretty Bicycle Kick Golazo
Atlético Madrid face an uphill battle to qualify for the next round of the Champions League, and though they have a slim chance to advance, they put their best foot forward today, beating Roma 2-0. Antoine Griezmann, who hadn’t scored for Atleti since September, banged in the opener by going all ups...
