screamer Page 56 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Christian Pulisic Kicks Off The Bundesliga Season Like A Superstar
Every time I worry the American soccer press (Deadspin included) is being too hyperbolic in their praise and general hype for Christian Pulisic, he goes and assuages those fears with a marvelous performance. Consider today’s Bundesliga opener, which comes amid Ousmane Dembele’s transfer saga as well...
How Barcelona's Scramble To Replace Neymar Might Send Christian Pulisic To The Stars<em></em>
It wasn’t really supposed to happen like this. French teen sensation Kylian Mbappé was slated to be this summer’s headlining transfer, with the usual suspects in Madrid, Paris, and Barcelona fighting over the right to pay one-sixth of a billion dollars for his signature. Instead, Neymar somehow went...
Chelsea's Manager Can't Stop Laughing At Diego Costa
A few days ago, Diego Costa let some wandering Daily Mail reporter into his home in Brazil and proceeded to lay out in considerable, hilarious detail just how fed up he is with how Chelsea and the manager, Antonio Conte, who Costa says “lacks charisma,” have treated him. Today Conte himself was aske...
How Not To React When Your Team Gives Up A Goal
Everton hosted Croatian side Hajduk Split for a Europa League qualifier this afternoon, which meant that hundreds of Hajduk fans traveled to Liverpool for the game. They appeared to be ready to get rowdy before the match, and they delivered once things started. Everton’s Michael Keane (no apparent r...
Champions League Coverage Set To Get Fucked The Same Way EPL Coverage Has
In their infinite wisdom, NBC recently saw fit to take a good and beloved Premier League broadcast strategy and make it bad and hated by cleaving its once-unified televised and streaming services into two smaller and less satisfying parts, and charging for each separately. Turner, which recently bou...
Arsène Wenger Is Sorry For All The Times He Made Arsenal Fans Cry
Arsène Wenger often talks about managing Arsenal the way old couples talk about marriage, or how parents talk about raising kids, or how other old couples talk about saying to hell with their marriage and the kids and getting a divorce—that is, he describes it as hard, thankless work that for the mo...
Marco Asensio Just Wrecked Barcelona So Hard They Should Just Shut Down The Club
Here lies FC Barcelona, a formerly famed and hallowed soccer club that not too long ago was on the top of the world but through the capriciousness of one of its ex-stars, the borderline criminal mismanagement of those charged with run it, and the ruthlessly cruel manner in which their rivals Real Ma...
Ronaldo Calls Five-Match Suspension For Shoving Ref "Persecution"
After Real Madrid’s appeal of Cristiano Ronaldo’s five-match suspension for shoving a referee was denied today, the Portuguese star whined about the decision on social media, writing, “It’s impossible to stay quiet in this situation, five matches! To me it seems exaggerated and ridiculous, this is w...
What Will Everton Actually Get From Gylfi Sigurdsson?
After weeks and weeks of speculation, rumors, and false starts, it looks like Everton are finally getting their man. According to the BBC, the Toffees have agreed to a £45 million fee for Swansea midfielder Gylfi Sigurdsson. So now what?...
Reporter Accidentally Gets Jürgen Klopp To Talk About Losing His Virginity
Liverpool are currently playing the first leg of a Champions League playoff round, and things got unexpectedly sexy during manager Jürgen Klopp’s pregame press conference....
The Good Little Teams (And Chelsea): Our 2017-18 Premier League Preview, Pt. 3
As everyone knows, the best thing about the Premier League is its absurd depth. In England you have an entire country where practically every single town worships their local club with an intensity that makes Nebraska’s passion for Cornhusker football look like Nebraska’s passion for Cornhusker socc...
Diego Costa Is Hanging Out At Home And Talking Shit About Chelsea
The highlight of the first full weekend of hot Premier League action was not Manchester United flushing West Ham down the toilet, Wayne Rooney rescuing Everton, nor American ex-pat community Huddersfield Town winning their debut Premier League match 3-0. No, it was Antonio Conte’s Chelsea side eatin...
Ronaldo Gets Five-Match Ban For Shoving Referee
After coming on as a second-half substitute in Real Madrid’s Spanish Super Cup match against Barcelona, Cristiano Ronaldo scored an incredible go-ahead goal in the 80th minute, picked up a yellow card for taking his shirt off during his signature celebration, and then a few minutes later got a seco...
The Fun As Hell Teams: Our 2017-18 Premier League Preview, Pt. 2
My colleague Patrick Redford already laid out which Premier League clubs to watch when you’re trying to take a nap; so unless you enjoy soccer’s equivalent of eating your way through a tub of raw broccoli, steer clear of those guys (except Everton) and allow me to tell which clubs are going to be fu...
Philippe Coutinho Stars In The Hit New Transfer Soap Opera Of The Summer
We all laughed and cried together at every unpredictable twist during the summer’s preeminent melodrama known as NeyWatch, and we were sad to see it end. Luckily for us, that saga was such a hit that it has led to a spin-off series starring a couple of the same characters—namely Barcelona and Philip...
Soccer Team Scores Before It Touches The Ball
It is Friday, my dudes, and it couldn’t have come soon enough. Maybe you’ve spent all week like Paide in the Estonian Cup clip up above, kicking around in your own end, measuring your options, looking to push forward but mostly dithering back and forth, eventually torpedoing your own cause and wond...
What The Heck Is Going On At Tottenham Hotspur?
On Thursday, just three days before Tottenham Hotspur’s Premier League season opener and three weeks before the summer transfer window closes, the worst newspaper in England published a shocking interview with Tottenham’s 27-year-old star left back Danny Rose, horrifying Spurs supporters the world o...
England's Worst, Most Snooze-Worthy Teams: Our 2017-18 Premier League Preview, Pt. 1
Some watch the Premier League for the artistry and high-level play that only megastars like Alexis Sánchez and Eden Hazard can provide. Others watch for the drama of stressed-out, egomaniacal coaches yelling at everyone—at each other, at the referees, at God, at the sport itself, at their players, a...
MLS's Anti-Ambition Disease Is Now Infecting Mexicans
Back when MLS was primarily a retirement league where the geriatric greats of the good leagues in Europe could count on a fat check to jog circles around a collection of useless American never-wills until they got too bored and formally retired, the league was a sorry spectacle, to be sure, but most...
Please Stop Sending Marouane Fellaini This Photo Of Him Getting Hit In The Face By A Ball
Because of a perfectly placed ball to Manchester United’s Marouane Fellaini and some impeccable timing by AP photographer Boris Grdanoski at the UEFA Super Cup, the world has been blessed with this holy image of the beautiful game....