screamer Page 74 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Eden Hazard Makes Arsenal Look Like Children
Chelsea doubled its lead on Arsenal early in the second half as Eden Hazard wove his way past a Gunners squad apparently completely made up of the family members of neighboring Mr. Bean. ...
The USMNT Can Party Now
Attention, attention: The United States Men’s National Team is cool again, just in time for spring break. Bruce Arena has released the team from the authoritarian hold of Jürgen Klinsmann and he’s ready to burn this motherfucker down....
Elderly Giant Peter Crouch Is Still Scoring Goals And Dancing Like A Lovable Goof
Of all the soccer players even non-obsessives can most likely recognize, Peter Crouch is probably the oddest. He was never a truly great player, and never really all that popular or famous, either. For most of you who know Peter Crouch, it’s because of two of his immutable attributes: 1) that he’s E...
Sacramento's MLS Expansion Bid Is A Fiasco<em></em>
Sacramento was one of 12 cities to submit a formal application for an MLS expansion team yesterday, but they did so under mysterious circumstances. The city’s highly successful USL Pro side Sacramento Republic FC was suspiciously absent from the bid, which was handed in by a former Kevin Johnson PR ...
This Terrible Jack Rodwell Tackle Is Why English Soccer Is Wonderfully Stupid
Just look at this shit. A beautiful touch by Tottenham’s Mousa Dembélé to slice through Sunderland’s midfield. A completely hopeless and reckless leg-smasher of a tackle by Jack Rodwell in response to Dembélé’s skill. And somehow, despite standing three feet away with a perfect view of the clatterin...
Sacramento's MLS Bid Possibly Derailed By Last-Second Ownership Coup
Of the 12 cities that formally applied to be part of the next round of MLS expansion today, Sacramento has perhaps the strongest case. Or at least they did, until its team’s owner made a bid that possibly excluded the city’s highly successful team....
Apparently Nobody Wants To Make It Hard For Chelsea To Win The Premier League
Chelsea came into today’s huge match against Liverpool atop the Premier League with an eight-point lead in the table that seemed right on the cusp of insurmountability. A loss away at Liverpool, once perceived to be Chelsea’s strongest rivals for the title, was probably the only thing that could tru...
David Luiz Definitely Stole This Free Kick And It Was Genius
My first thought after seeing the ball fly into Liverpool’s completely undefended net after a set piece was Holy shit, what just happened? My next was Oh wow, what a great psych-out free kick routine by Chelsea there! It was only upon my third thought that the true magnitude of the situation’s brill...
Dimitri Payet Gets Out Of England While The Getting Is Good<em></em>
Oh, Dimitri, we hardly knew ye—not that we were given much of a chance, seeing as your too-brief and utterly incandescent Premier League career lasted just a season and a half. ...
The USMNT Has A New Coach And The Same Old Problem<em></em>
It doesn’t make much sense to draw sweeping conclusions about the direction of the USMNT after yesterday’s U.S. vs. Serbia match, and it wouldn’t no matter what the result was. Despite being Bruce Arena’s re-debut at the start of his second spell as USMNT manager as he ushers the team into its post-...
Bricklayer Leads Semi-Pro Sutton United To FA Cup Fifth Round
Non-league Sutton United continued its miraculous run through the FA Cup with a 1-0 win over Championship side Leeds United thanks to a penalty scored by team captain Jamie Collins, who earns a living with his day job as a bricklayer....
Arsène Wenger Banned Four Games For Pushing Referee
Arsenal will be sans grouchy zipper savant/manager Arsene Wenger for four games, after the English F.A. formally banned him this morning. Wenger was charged with misconduct on Monday for an outburst during last weekend’s win over Burnley....
English Soccer Team Produces Best, Dumbest Highlight Video For Canceled Game
Greenwich Borough FC are a tiny club that play in the Isthmian League’s Division One South. That’s the eighth division of English soccer and it’s mostly made up of semi-pro sides in London and southeast England. They played Hanwell Town yesterday, but the game was abandoned after 15 minutes due to a...
Granit Xhaka Interviewed By Police After Allegedly Calling Airport Worker A "Fucking White Bitch"
Arsenal midfielder Granit Xhaka was in London’s Heathrow Airport yesterday to see off his girlfriend’s brother on a flight to Germany. Things didn’t go as planned, though, and when the brother learned that he would miss his flight, Xhaka allegedly blew up on an employee of the airport, calling the w...
Manchester City Might Be Too Good To Become Great
That was more like it. Sure, Manchester City’s 2-2 draw against Tottenham on Saturday was on one hand frustratingly disappointing, seeing as the Citizens completely dominated Spurs and, barring some poor finishing, even worse refereeing, and a couple ill-timed defensive lapses, could’ve and should’v...
Ryan Mason Stable And Speaking After Breaking His Skull Going Up For A Header
Just 13 minutes into Hull City’s Premier League match against Chelsea yesterday, Hull midfielder Ryan Mason went up for a header in the box. Chelsea defender Gary Cahill rushed to intercept the ball, but instead, he smashed into Mason’s head, immediately sending him to the ground....
Borussia Dortmund Will Soon Be So Damn Good
In what has been a pretty tame January transfer window—unless Manchester United discarding spare parts gets you excited—Borussia Dortmund made perhaps the biggest splash today when they signed 17-year-old Swedish phenom Alexander Isak, along with extending the contract of the world’s future best pla...
I Want Some Of What Rod Stewart Had Before The Scottish Cup Draw
May we all be so high on life and/or other substances at one point or another that the simple act of plucking ping pong balls out of a bowl can fill us with the same joy Rod Stewart felt while helping with the Scottish Cup draw....
Arsène Wenger Charged By F.A. After Pushing Referee
Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger has now been formally charged with misconduct by the English F.A. after a spat he instigated with the referees during yesterday’s Premier League match against Burnley....
Behold The Unrelenting Genius Of Lionel Messi's Passes
The danger, if you can call it that, of regularly watching Lionel Messi play soccer—which is to say, to watch one man routinely perform stupefying acts of brilliance the likes of which you’ve never seen before—is that at some point, you run the risk of becoming inured to it....