screamer Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
USWNT Turned The Netherlands Into Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice And Won The Women's World Cup
After a long week that seemed to focus more on the hurt feelings of some English fans—and perhaps even tea-drinkers in general—than the final game of this tournament, the USWNT defeated the Netherlands 2-0 to win their fourth Women’s World Cup title. Purple-haired American hero Megan Rapinoe and Was...
Messi On Copa América: "I Think The Cup Is Fixed For Brazil"
Despite the absence of Lionel Messi, and being down to 10 men on the field, Argentina were able to hold off Chile in the Copa América third place game with a 2-1 victory to take home bronze in the tournament. However, the Argentinian superstar was noticeably absent from the ensuing medal ceremony, d...
Overeager Ref Sends Messi Off For Not Retaliating Against Chile's Gary Medel
The latest addition to your “just CONMEBOL things” folder comes courtesy of the trigger-happy ref officiating the Copa América third place game between Argentina and Chile. ...
Sweden Defeat England For Women's World Cup Bronze As VAR Disallows Ellen White Goal For Second Straight Game
Two early goals were enough for Sweden to defeat England for third place at the Women’s World Cup on Saturday. Both teams began applying immediate pressure early and often, but it was ultimately Kosovare Asllani who broke through for the Swedes in the eleventh minute after a poor English clearance b...
Brazil's Marquinhos Says Battling Diarrhea Made Defending Messi "Very Difficult"
Brazilian defender Marquinhos spoke highly of the Argentinian side his team disposed of on Tuesday in the semifinal of the Copa América, saying that both Lionel Messi and the whole of Argentina’s squad had an “inspired” night that made for a great game—Brazil went on to win 2-0. But while the task o...
The Netherlands Beat Sweden, Will Meet USWNT In Women's World Cup Final
The Netherlands haven’t exactly been the free-flowing, highlight-making, net-assaulting bunch at this World Cup that their talent and our expectations would’ve predicted, though I’m sure the Dutch and their endearingly rabid fans aren’t too bothered by that. Not after today, when the Oranje beat Swe...
The USWNT Is Too Good To Play Like Cowards
Perhaps lost in the shuffle of the USWNT rolling England up into a little ball and kicking them all the way into the third-place match was a late-game tactical shift that was as confounding as it was ill-advised. For the second straight game, the best team in the world protected a slim lead with Mou...
Lionel Messi Goes Off On "Bullshit" Refereeing After Argentina Lose To Brazil
VAR has been a disaster at the Copa América this summer, and last night’s Brazil-Argentina semifinal was no different. And as evidenced by his scathing postgame comments slamming VAR and the refereeing in general after his team fell to Brazil, Lionel Messi is fed the fuck up with it....
Injured Megan Rapinoe Thinks She'll Be Ready To Go For The Final
The USWNT’s 2-1 World Cup semifinal win over England was a nailbiter, and that was just watching it on TV. From the bench, it was a pressure-cooker. “It’s terrible,” said Megan Rapinoe, who didn’t play due to injury. “It’s so stressful. It’s hard. You put everything into this game ... You have every...
Christen Press Scores, Alex Morgan Trolls, And USWNT Leads England 2-1 At The Half
Anyone concerned by Megan Rapinoe’s absence from the starting lineup of today’s USWNT Women’s World Cup semifinal against England was given swift reassurance that everything would be okay when Christen Press, Rapinoe’s replacement, scored this arrowing header just 10 minutes in:...
Relax, It's Okay That Megan Rapinoe Isn't Starting Against England
After scoring two goals in back-to-back games, Megan Rapinoe will start Tuesday’s Women’s World Cup semifinal match-up against England...on the bench. Per the USWNT’s announcement of the lineup, Rapinoe has been benched in favor of Christen Press, one of two changes to the starting XI that faced Fra...
Recently Promoted Spanish Soccer Club Renamed As Flat Earth FC
After earning promotion to the Spanish fourth flight division, the club formerly known as Mostoles Balompie got a complete rebrand from president Javi Poves and was renamed Flat Earth FC. Poves confirmed in a video statement that the change was intended to support one of the dumbest fringe beliefs:...
Aging Fraud Luis Suárez Misses Only Penalty In Shootout Against Peru, Ends Uruguay's Copa América Campaign
The trade-off in having Luis Suárez on a team has always been for every person he bites, black player he racially abuses, or referee he headbutts, he’ll score at least a couple dozen goals to make up for all of that shithousery. But it appears that as he’s reached his 30s, the playing abilities that...
Report: Dutch Couple Claims Wesley Sneijder Drunkenly Danced And Urinated On Their Car
An 35-year-old bald man was arrested last Sunday after he drunkenly danced, hopped and urinated on a car in Utrecht. Initial reports speculated that it was former UEFA Champions League winner Wesley Sneijder in video clips and grainy photos of the incident, but now the elderly couple that owns the c...
Sweden Snaps 24-Year Losing Streak Against Germany With 2-1 Victory
Sweden entered their quarterfinal match up with Germany sick and tired of hearing about this damn losing streak that has plagued their national team for nearly two-and-a-half decades, but it’s hard to ignore something like that given the history between the two sides. Since 1995, Germany had defeate...
The Netherlands Huffed And Puffed Until They Blew Italy’s Defense Down
Just because the Netherlands narrowly survived their round of 16 match against Japan thanks to a late penalty didn’t mean that they were out of the woods yet with the tough obstacles ahead of them in the knockout stage of the Women’s World Cup. In fact, on paper their Saturday match up with Italy se...
Serial Sexual Harasser Amr Warda Allowed To Rejoin Egypt National Team
On Wednesday, it appeared that the Egypt national soccer team had taken a commendable stand against sexual harassment when it kicked Amr Warda off the team after stories of Warda being a pestering creeper to several women flooded social media. Today, the team clarified that it does not actually take...
Megan Rapinoe Cannot Make This Any Clearer
Megan Rapinoe does not want to go to the White House. Megan Rapinoe does not want to go to the White House if the U.S. Women’s National Team wins the World Cup, because Donald Trump is the president. She does not want to visit Donald Trump because of his record and statements on racial issues, gende...
Lucy Bronze's Stunning Goal Completes England's Demolition Of Norway
England had themselves a chill afternoon in the quarterfinals against Norway, scoring twice in the first half and once a little later on to beat the Norwegians 3-0 and advance to the semifinals, where they’ll face the winners of Friday’s game between the USWNT and France. But before they worry about...
Egyptian Soccer Player Kicked Off National Team After Getting Exposed As A Sex Pest On Social Media
The Egyptian national soccer team, currently competing in the African Cup of Nations, announced today that they have booted midfielder Amr Warda out of their AFCON squad after several women revealed evidence of Warda being a DM-sliding, unsolicited dick pic-sending creep....