serie-a Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
AC Milan Are Back From The Grave
AC Milan have spent this decade in free fall. Despite being seven-time European champions and 18-time Italian champs, Milan haven’t won Serie A since 2011, and have struggled for relevancy since Zlatan Ibrahimović left in 2012. In the past four seasons, Milan has finished between sixth and tenth—an ...
Horny Italian Soccer Official Wants New Stadiums To Have Lap Dancing
Italian FA president Carlo Tavecchio doesn’t like to see Serie A’s soccer stadiums lag behind others in Europe. Like the modern-day Jerry Worlds of America, or new Wembley in London, he wants Italy’s new pitches to be hubs of community and commerce. At an Anti-Mafia Commission hearing, Tavecchio mad...
Gerard Deulofeu Returns To Barcelona, Which Is Just The Stupidest Idea
Goddammit. You were so close to making it, Gerard, and then you had to go and do this....
Juventus Teen's Dad Demands Club Pay Him In Farming Equipment Like They Promised
After becoming the first player born this millennium to appear in a match in one of Europe’s big five leagues last season, 17-year-old Juventus forward Moise Kean is already making hay in Serie A. Moise’s father, however, is upset at Juve for hampering his ability to make rice and corn back in Ivory...
Milan Fans Are So Disgusted With Their Goalkeeping Prodigy They're Throwing Fake Money At Him<em></em>
Gianluigi Donnarumma, aside from having an incredible name, is also the most promising young goalkeeper in the world. The prodigy they call “Gigio” is only 18 years old, and yet he’s already played two seasons as AC Milan’s starting keeper. On the international level, Donnarumma is the clear success...
Andrea Belotti, Young Italian Soccer Man, Is Having Himself A Hell Of A Season
Andrea Belotti ... that famous Italian singer guy? Nope, that’s Andrea Bocelli, but good try....
Finally, Someone Appears Ready To Unleash The Full Powers Of Gerard Deulofeu
It’s been an up-and-down year in an up-and-down career for the magnificently gifted, maddeningly daft, infinitely enamoring young winger Gerard Deulofeu. ...
Italian Guy Tries To Scheme His Way Into Hospital To Watch Soccer Game From Window, Fails
Most of the time when someone pretends to be sick so as to gain admission to a hospital, it’s to finagle their way into a prescription for drugs to slake an addiction. Yesterday, one Italian man tried something similar, though his addiction is to soccer and his satisfaction could be found right ther...
Lazio Player Slams Opponent In Racist Post-Game Remarks
Following this weekend’s Rome Derby between Lazio and Roma, Lazio player Senad Lulić hit out at Roma’s German defender of African descent, Antonio Rüdiger, with racially inflammatory comments. Lulić is quoted as saying “Two years ago [Rüdiger] was selling socks and belts in Stuttgart, now he acts li...
Juventus's Ungodly Fee For Gonzalo Higuaín Is Well Worth It
Okay, sure. When you first saw the name Gonzalo Higuaín—one part veteran, world-class, goalscoring bulldozer, one part habitual choke artist—associated with a transfer fee teetering dangerously close to the €100 million mark, you probably had to clench your eyes closed and press the palms of your ha...
Silvio Berlusconi To AC Milan's Players: Stop Sucking Or I Won't Pay You
Libidinous tangerine peel, AC Milan owner, and proto-Trump Silvio Berlusconi is mad. The media magnate has owned Milan for a few decades now, but never before has he had to suffer through such a drab spell of mediocrity. Talking to the players ahead of the biggest match of the season, Berlusconi mad...
Here Are All 36 Goals From Gonzalo Higuaín's Amazing, Record-Breaking Season
As inarguably great as Gonzalo Higuaín has been for the better part of a decade now, he tends to be overlooked when it comes time to rhapsodize about the great pure strikers in the world. But after the season he just put together at Napoli, scoring 36 goals in 35 matches and thus breaking Serie A’s ...
Francesco Totti Starred In Front Of Roma Fans, For Perhaps The Final Time
Francesco Totti might be the most beloved athlete by his team’s fans in the world. At 39 he still plays for hometown club Roma, who he signed with as a 12-year-old in 1989. He is Roma’s captain—he was first named in 1998, 18 goddamn years ago—and holds numerous club and Serie A records....
So Close, Mario
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The Pharaoh Stephan El Shaarawy Is Back From The Dead
It’s easy to forget that not all progress follows a smooth curve. Despite the natural desire to contextualize the entirety of a person’s growth in sports into a neat little narrative—one of an emergent, inchoate talent that gradually develops as crawling turns into walking, followed by a rapid ascen...
Gonzalo Higuaín Loses His Mind After Getting Red Card
I’m getting the feeling that Gonzalo Higuaín didn’t exactly agree with this referee’s decision. Though maybe shoving everyone on the pitch—including many of his own teammates—is just how he expresses internal disappointment....
This Paulo Dybala Curler Is Audacious As Hell
Look, this happened yesterday, but you deserve to see it now anyway. Juventus beat Sassuolo 1-0 in some Serie A action, and the lone goal was a truly magnificent little homing missile from Argentine forward Paulo Dybala....
Sorry, Edin Džeko, But The Post Can't Explain How You Missed That Wide-Open Net
“Post, baby, how are you gonna do me like that?” Roma’s Edin Džeko appears to whisper to the goal’s woodwork after his horrendous miss. “You know I love you, Edin,” the post probably responded, “but that’s all on you.”...
Silvio Berlusconi, Who Somehow Still Owns A.C. Milan, Said Some Racist Shit About Mario Balotelli
Silvio Berlusconi, bunga bunga party alumnus and the only crustacean to serve as prime minister of Italy, has been convicted of paying for sex with an underaged prostitute and tax fraud, and he’s been accused of a truly expansive list of other crimes. Berlusconi was buddies with Muammar Gaddafi, is ...
Italian Soccer Fan Has Hell Of A Time Calming Down His Rowdy Paisani
As the Napoli team bus set off for Turin ahead of tomorrow’s monster Juventus-Napoli showdown, something like 1,000 Neapolitans showed up to see their boys off. Or, more accurately, to block the bus’s path in order to hoot and holler and light flares and gin up the players so that they step out on t...