shit Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
They’re Gonna Fuck Up This New <i>Joker</i> Movie And I’m Already Annoyed
In theory, I am the ideal target audience for this new Joker trailer because I am the kind of broad-minded jackass who would shell out $12 for anything Joker-related, and because I’m one of five people who won’t openly recoil at the idea of a gritty PG-13 Joker origin story shot exclusively as an ho...
Why Does WWE Honor The Ultimate Warrior?
Few relationships in professional wrestling’s history have been more bizarre than the long-running and extremely fraught one between The Ultimate Warrior and Vince McMahon and McMahon’s wrestling promotion. Over the course of decades, the relationship featured multiple splits and just as many lawsui...
Hornets' Jeremy Lamb Stuns Toronto With Absolutely Ridiculous, Game-Winning Buzzer-Beater
March Madness has been lacking in sweet buzzer-beaters, but Charlotte Hornets guard Jeremy Lamb was willing to fill that void. He heaved this sloppy, desperate rainbow shot from behind half-court and banked it in for tonight’s 115-114 win over the Raptors....
The NCAA Wants You To Think This Is A Day In The Life Of A Student-Athlete
No offense to the poor sap who had to pretend to be the average unpaid NCAA worker for this 30-second spot—was he paid for this?—but what a shameless piece of propaganda. At no point did this everyday student-athlete grimace after looking at his account balance, get shoved and yelled at by a short-t...
NTSB Report: Michigan's 2017 Plane Accident Was A Couple Split-Second Decisions Away From Catastrophe
Back in March 2017, the charter plane of the Michigan men’s basketball team aborted takeoff from an airport in Ypsilanti, crashed through a chain link fence beyond the end of the runway, and came to rest in a field beyond a surface road and a ditch beyond the airport boundary. The plane was all tras...
Man Who Starred In Summer Studio Flick About His Own Brand-Developed Signature Character: I Do Not Desire Fame
Kyrie Irving—a professional basketball player who last summer starred in a feature film about a signature character he developed in a marketing campaign with one of the world’s most prominent brands—wishes to make it known that actually he has no interest in using his basketball career to cultivate ...
Ben Simmons To Jusuf Nurkic: "You Talk A Lot Of Shit For Being Ass"<em></em>
Down 14 points at home to a team that on paper is supposed to be less talented than your team can be a bit frustrating, just ask Ben Simmons. The Sixers forward was sent to the line after Maurice Harkless fouled him. When Simmons missed his first attempt, Trail Blazers big man Jusuf Nurkic decided t...
High School Basketball Team Enters Taunting Hall Of Fame After Cutting Down Net On Rival's Home Court
High school sports are supposed to teach participants the values of hard work and good sportsmanship, but a world in which athletes only ever learned to shake hands and say, “good game,” would be a boring one. Thankfully, there is a school in Arkansas still willing to teach kids the value of a shame...
John Tortorella Insists That Artemi Panarin's Only Out Tonight Because He's Shitting And Puking
Even though the Blue Jackets are holding on to third place in a pretty messy Metropolitan Division, the scuttlebutt around the league is that they’ll be sellers, not buyers at the trade deadline. Artemi Panarin is an unrestricted free agent after this season, and it seems clear that he’s not going ...
Look At This Fucking Soft-Ass Pud
Behold Donald Trump Jr., failed son of a failed son....
The Worst People Win Again
All the terrible people are happy today. Robert Kraft is happy, and presumably has a low arm wrapped around an auto show model, because another ring only further burnishes his title of King Of All Owners. Tom Brady is happy because he gets to frame himself as an underdog who overcame impossible odds...
You Can't Get There From Here
“It’s not going to change a damn thing,” the President of the United States told an assemblage of news anchors at an off-the-record White House meeting some weeks ago. “But I’m still doing it.” To a certain extent, that groaning is just standard Trump shit—his signature all-caps triumphalism is bala...
Russell Westbrook On If He And Joel Embiid Are Cool: "Fuck No"
Thunder-Sixers has become an inordinately frisky inter-conference rivalry. Last season’s two matchups were marked by relentless shit-talking and mockery on-court and online between Sixers center Joel Embiid and Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook. A lot of waving goodbye was involved. The teams pl...
Master Shit-Talker Joel Embiid Rubs Salt In The Timberwolves' Fresh Wounds
The 76ers beat the absolute hell out of the Minnesota Timberwolves Tuesday night, by the score of 149–107. This was supposed to be the heated and fiercely contested first meeting between Jimmy Butler and his former Timberwolves teammates, but instead it was a savage massacre. Butler was only needed ...
The Government Shutdown Has Turned Yosemite National Park Into A Congested, Poop-Filled Mess
After the federal government shut down on Dec. 21, National Parks Service workers were furloughed, but Yosemite National Park did not close. In fact, it is currently more open than ever, with the $35 park access fee waived and entrance booths bearing a “Pass On Thru” sign. People are indeed passing ...
The Lions Are Still Clueless On How To Defend A Hail Mary
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: with time expiring, the Detroit Lions were unable to prevent a division rival from successfully pulling off a Hail Mary throw. ...
Luka Dončić's Step-Back Jumper Is As Smooth As It Gets
The Mavericks lost to the Clippers last night in a rather entertaining edition of the DeAndre Jordan Bowl, one where nobody was particularly interested in playing defense and Lou Williams did the Lou Williams thing of making every goddamn shot he thought about. Leading the line for the Mavs was Slov...
Sweet, The NBA Season Is About To Start
Every sports league is too long, but each is too long in its own specific way. The NFL’s mirrors the sport’s true nature as a weekly television show; Major League Baseball can make a half-convincing case for those multiple months of deeply meaningless games in its middle as part of its broader summe...
Carrie Underwood's <i>Sunday Night Football</i> Theme Sucks And Nobody Should Kiss Her Sensitive Ass
On Sunday night, Sports Illustrated producer Jessica Smetana delivered, to no one in particular, a mild criticism of the very bad Sunday Night Football theme performed by Carrie Underwood. The musician saw it and was mad....
James Harden Did A New Thing To Infuriate Everyone
James Harden is one of the very best basketball players in the world and the NBA would be worse off without his handles and shooting and creative abilities. He’s also an annoying pile of crap!...