shut-up Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It Took A While, But Michigan Decides That Fried Chicken Jokes Are Bad
On May 24, radio host and University of Michigan football announcer Frank Beckmann decided to take to The Detroit News to weigh in on Sergio Garcia's "fried chicken" comments about Tiger Woods. This didn't prove wise, because Beckmann came off as dumb, insensitive, and/or racist, which are generally...
Sergio Garcia Makes Tiger Woods "Fried Chicken" Joke, Apologizes
For over a week now, we've had to talk about this weak golf "feud" between Sergio Garcia and Tiger Woods which started in 1999 and got heated, or at least slightly warm, a week and a half ago. Garcia hit a terrible shot on a par-5 second hole at The Players Championship, and blamed Woods for the mis...
Macklemore Has Beef With The Oklahoma City Thunder
Oh I'm sorry, do you not know who Macklemore is? Just try to remember the last time you saw an inordinate amount of white people dancing to a sax-heavy rap song while periodically popping their collars and/or brushing their shoulders off. That was a Macklemore song you were listening to....
ESPN Headline: "Poll: Majority OK with 'Redskins'"
Uh, that's the point, guys. The AP story also contains this quote:...
Bro Rolls Two-And-A-Half Pound Joint, Gets It Confiscated By The Cops
If you're ever going to roll a two-and-a-half pound joint, I guess 4/20 at UC Santa Cruz is the day to do it. Also, "butthurt" is a term that we are wary of throwing around, but that bro is the definition of butthurt. ...
Chael Sonnen, The UFC's Skip Bayless, Race-Baits His Way To The Top
Chael Sonnen is a well-known asshole, less a person than the remnant of a figure crossed out of a bad novel's first draft for being too obviously representative. At 36, he's a convicted money launderer, state-chastised steroid user, failed Republican candidate for the Oregon House of Representative...
This Footage Of White Dudes Playing Basketball In 1932 Is A Thing Of Beauty
Feast your eyes on the Original Celtics and their mastery of the fundamentals of basketball. Watch in awe as Davey Banks demonstrates a proper set shot. Try to keep your jaw from hitting the floor as Joe Lapchick (who was awesome, by the way) uncorks a vicious rejection. Ready a fist pump for the m...
How Marshall Henderson Gets Away With Being Marshall Henderson
On Sunday night, we said goodbye to Ole Miss guard Marshall Henderson, college basketball's most exciting troll, a sort of human "u mad bro?" who did everything to antagonize his opponents short of popping motorcycle wheelies at halfcourt with their girlfriends riding pillion. He and the 12th-seeded...
Harvard's Basketball Team Works Better Than Harvard
Sometimes Harvard Yard literally smells like bullshit. The grass takes a regular beating from the weather and the footsteps of mathematicians eager to find the shortest path to class. So, a few times a year, to spruce it up for the brochures and the visiting parents, the grounds crew gives it a fat ...
The 13 Most Annoying Men Of March Madness
We've done enough loving on March Madness this week. March Madness is a wonderful time of the year, but it is also to be hated on: The fluffy mascots dancing around like they own the place, the pepped-out pep squads cheering like they actually believe in something, the crabby coaches, the clueless a...
The Golf Boys Have Returned To Rap Horribly At You
It was almost two years ago that the Golf Boys—a group consisting of PGA pros Bubba Watson, Hunter Mahan, Ben Crane, and Rickie Fowler—released "Oh Oh Oh" onto the world. Their follow up, cleverly titled "2.Oh," sees the Golf Boys taking a huge leap forward in production value while bringing the w...
Red Alert: Jim Nantz Compromised, Hacked E-Mails Contain The Whitest Sentence On Record
When a hacker found his way into our 41st and 43rd presidents' personal e-mail accounts, exposing records of correspondence among the former leaders of the free world as well as George W. Bush's haunting paintings of himself bathing, we all had a good laugh. Unfortunately, the hack had some collater...
Boxing's Great White Hope Problem; Or, Why The Fuck Was Mike Lee In A Super Bowl Commercial?
During last night's Super Bowl, one professional boxer appeared in a commercial. It was not Floyd Mayweather, and it was not Manny Pacquiao, though they are the two highest-earning athletes in all of sports. It was not any champion of any weight division at all. It was Mike Lee, a mediocre light hea...
Can Anyone Think Of Another Reason Sloane Stephens Is Considered Serena Williams's "Protégé"?
This evening, Serena Williams plays 19-year-old American phenom Sloane Stephens in the quarterfinals of the Australian Open. The two played for the first time just three weeks ago in Brisbane, when No. 3 Williams cruised past No. 25 Stephens, 6-4, 6-3. But tonight's match has something of a differen...
Inauguration Day In Post-Racial America: George Stephanopoulos Thinks Bill Russell Looks Like Morgan Freeman
Never mind that Morgan Freeman looks nothing like the 6-foot-10 NBA Hall of Famer: The Celtics cap with Russell's number on it apparently wasn't enough of a clue for Stephanopoulos, either. With a nudge from David Remnick, Stephanopoulos—a Massachusetts native—quickly corrected himself. But not bef...
Save The Black Quarterback
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season....
UFC 155: The Clumsy Marketing Of Cain Velasquez, UFC's Brown Ambassador
For a long time, Cain Velasquez, who will fight Junior Dos Santos for the UFC heavyweight title on Saturday, was a rumor. He trained in one of the world's best camps, in San Jose, Calif., and stories would filter out about his freak inexhaustibility, about how he would spar with good stand-up fighte...
MLB Teams Are Getting New Batting Practice Hats. Some Of Them Are Neat. One Of Them Features A Screaming Indian
Uni Watch got its hands on the designs for the new batting practice hats that each of MLB's 30 teams will be unveiling in the coming months. Some of the hats are great, like this one, which brings back the A's old elephant logo. Unfortunately, the Atlanta Braves' hat looks like this:...
Tim Tebow Is A Coddled Malcontent
The Jets dressed three quarterbacks for their game against the Chargers yesterday—a game they lost, 27-17. Greg McElroy, the former Alabama quarterback who, evidently, never faced a pass rush while he was there, started, while Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez backed him up. (Neither was the No. 3 quarterb...
"Take That Nigger Off The TV, We Wanna Watch Football!": Idiots Respond To NBC Pre-Empting <em>Sunday Night Football</em>
NBC pre-empted the first quarter of tonight’s 49ers-Patriots game to show President Obama’s speech at the Newtown memorial for victims of the Sandy Hook shooting. As you might expect, many football fans didn’t take kindly to this. (So, too, some Bob’s Burgers fans.) Here are those idiots, led by so...