shutterstock Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Marathoner Sets Course Record, Is Named Winner, Realizes He Accidentally Ran The Half-Marathon Route
Yesterday looked like it was going to be a hell of a day for Olok Nykew, a 37-year-old St. Paul man who was running the Sioux Falls Marathon. Barely tired, Nykew suddenly spotted the finish line ahead, with no other runners around him. Had he really run 26.2 miles? It didn't feel that way, but the c...
Catholic School Cheerleader Hazing Involved Poopy Lap Dances, Claims This Anonymous Letter Placed In Mailboxes Across Town
Reitz Memorial High School, in Evansville, Ind., bills itself as "providing an exceptional educational opportunity," while offering "a Christian community where young people are valued and cherished." The 87-year-old school has a rich sporting tradition—Tigers teams have won numerous state titles in...
FUCK YEAH! IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!
Holy shit! It's here! It's finally here! The first day of school! SOMEONE PINCH ME ON THE ASS SO I KNOW IT'S REAL!...
The Time Has Come For America's Flight Attendants To Shut Up
I think we can all agree that the emcee-ization of America's flight attendants has grown steadily worse over the past decade. And today, reader Kurt has sent us (and Gawker) arguably the nadir of flight attendant pep talks. I must warn you in advance that these will be among the two most painfully a...
Olympics Brand Police Not Happy About Athletes Humping With Unauthorized Condoms
As we've seen again and again (and again), the London Organising Committee of the Olympic and Paralympic Games (LOCOG) protects Olympic sponsors with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting its cubs. That extends to condoms: when Australian BMXer Caroline Buchanan tweeted this picture of "a bucket ...
On His Way Out The Door, Ryan Lochte Admits He Pees In The Pool
This has been reported all over the place, usually without much additional comment, and Lochte has yet to clarify that he was joking, so I guess it's a real thing. From TVGuide.com:...
The Olympics Opening Ceremony? Giant Voldemort Fighting 30 Mary Poppinses, Obviously
London's Sunday Times is reporting that Friday's Olympics opening ceremony may not be unwatchably boring. According to Yahoo, which excerpted parts of the Times' subscription-only story, a 40-foot Voldemort (hologram? parade float? ventriloquist's dummy?) will take center stage for the ceremony and ...
Stop Filming Your Kids Crying Over Sports
Here's a little girl in tears over Ichiro Suzuki being traded away from the Seattle Mariners. We've been sent this video a few times, and we'll take the chance to address this now, rather than respond to each individually: We don't care about your or anyone else's little kids crying over sports....
Congratulations To Bleacher Report On Its $200 Million Acquisition: Slideshow
In honor of Turner's nearly finalized $200 million purchase of Bleacher Report, here's a congratulatory slideshow, featuring a bunch of pictures of burning money. Please click through....
No, I Will Not Fix The Overflowing Toilet Today: The Dadspin Father's Day Manifesto
Father's Day is a con. Every year, I expect to have a Father Day's filled with unlimited blackjack and gunfire-scented cologne, and every year it ends up being like every other goddamn NFL-free Sunday in existence. Father's Day is supposed to be MY day, but most of the time my family abandons any pr...
Company Paid To Monitor College Athletes' Twitter And Facebook Accounts Has A Sock-Puppet Business Address IRL
Last month, we met three firms that colleges are using to monitor athletes on Facebook and Twitter. It's ethically and procedurally dubious work, so you might assume the companies would be extra-scrupulous about how they run their own businesses....
This Randomly Awesome Manifesto Might Be The Horse_ebooks Of Sports
Reddit user hyxurial posted this nonsensical yet somehow strangely compelling manifesto late last night and though it has since been removed, it lives on in my RSS reader and deserves a moment to be appreciated. The ADD-infused thought changes and DFW-esque inline footnoting are abrupt yet welcome, ...
24-Year-Old Finance Guy Asks All His Dates To Complete A Creepy Survey Afterward
Last month, we brought you a finance guy's way-too-detailed spreadsheet of the ladies he met on Match.com. A reader who enjoyed that post then passed along this survey she received from a man she briefly dated in Philadelphia....
How A White Person Gets His Hair Cut In America Today
I went to get my hair cut the other day. I meant to get it cut a month earlier, but my wife went into early labor and had a kid and the kid had to stay in the NICU forever and there's no good time in the middle of all that to be like, "Excuse me, guys. Daddy needs some time for Daddy at the beauty p...
Palm Beach High School Baseball Player Suspended For Soaking Visiting Dugout In Urine Before Crosstown Rivals Arrived
From the Palm Beach Post comes word of gamesmanship. Foul, fetid gamesmanship....
Pain Is A Gift, And Other Notes From A Terrified Father During A Seven-Week-Premature Birth
When the baby cried, I knew it wasn't gonna die. They had just pulled my son out of my wife and whisked him over to one of those fancy hotel pans that you put newborns in, and there was a brief moment when he said nothing, which you don't want. You want the baby to cry. You want confirmation that th...
A Stripper's Guide To The Final Four
During the 2007 Final Four, I traveled to Atlanta with a couple of friends to dance at the Pink Pony. We were surprised to find the local dancers questioning why the dancer manager was urging them to work all weekend, then do it again next weekend during the Masters. By the Sunday before the final, ...
<em>Slap Shot</em>: The Only Honest Sports Movie
From the very first scene of Slap Shot, the classic hockey film makes its stance clear: The way everybody talks about sports is bullshit. Denis Lemieux, the befuddled language-challenged Charlestown Chiefs goalie, is on television talking to broadcaster Jim Carr, who is trying to get fans to bring t...