soccer Page 129 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Oh, Canada
Canada settled for a scoreless draw in Gold Cup action against El Salvador in Carson last night, but only because Orlando City striker and #1 MLS overall pick Cyle Larin blew a wide open shot on goal in the first half. What a pity....
FIFA Bans Chuck Blazer For Life
Chuck Blazer—the former FIFA exco member and CONCACAF general secretary who proved that Americans can be just as venal as any other soccer executive, but whose cooperation with the feds helped lead to May’s arrests and indictments—has been banned for life, effective immediately....
Here Are Some Athletes You Should Bone Instead Of Cristiano Ronaldo
The consensus view is that Portuguese soccer mega-star Cristiano Ronaldo, currently being a weird brand robot in Japan, is not just a good-looking and sexy athlete, but perhaps the best-looking, the sexiest male athlete. But nah. His facial features are too small, his eyebrows too sculpted, his chin...
Clint Dempsey Has Something To Prove
The USMNT’s Gold Cup opener was their first competitive match since the World Cup, and in the broadest sense, it’s all about the next one. Jurgen Klinsmann has said repeatedly how 2015 is a year of “transition” for the roster—reloading, getting younger, starting up the position battles that will pla...
Closed Captioning Transcriber Did Brad Guzan Dirty
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Children’s Ages, Ranked
I think it’s about time we started previewing some shitty NFL teams, no? That’s right: The WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS series boots up again this month, which is good, because these teams are suckier than ever. If you wanna send in a rant about why your team sucks (emphasis on YOUR team … don’t send me some...
Micronesian National Team Concedes 114 Goals In 3 Games
The Federated States of Micronesia have an international soccer team that is ranked 200 in the world by FIFA. The team entered this year’s Pacific Games in an attempt to qualify for the 2016 Olympics. Things did not go so well!...
For 16 Minutes, Carli Lloyd Was The Greatest Player Of All Time
From the start, it felt like the fate of the United States women’s national team hinged not on talent or tactics or even luck, but on the answers to a series of open questions. Can Alex Morgan get healthy in time to contribute? What do we do with Christen Press and Sydney Leroux? What happens when w...
Videos: Fans React To USA World Cup Win
It’s becoming something of an American soccer tradition: the day after the match, we get to see how our countrymen and countrywomen cheered....
USWNT Shock Japan With Four Goals In Sixteen Minutes, Win World Cup
Soccer matches are 90 minutes long, and most of the time the ball is nowhere near a goal and 18 of the 22 players on the pitch are walking. But there are stretches—two minutes here, two seconds there—in which the players do unimaginable things with the ball and work with their teammates in a way tha...
U.S. Obliterating Japan, Now Up 4-0 As Lloyd Earns Hat Trick
Carli Lloyd is singlehandedly destroying Japan, having earned a hat trick just 15 minutes into today’s Women’s World Cup final with a long-range bomb that caught the keeper off her line. ...
Here Is Your 2015 Women's World Cup Final Liveblog
Here we go. The United States women’s national team is taking on Japan in the World Cup final. Follow along as we yell and jingoistically babble our way through the game while the Americans attempt to Do The Whole Shit for the first time since 1999....
Helen Mirren Reads "Where The Sidewalk Ends" In Awesome Fox Promo
Fox’s Women’s World Cup coverage has been hit or miss, but this intro featuring Academy Award-winning actress Helen Mirren reading Shel Silverstein’s “Where the Sidewalk Ends” is simply outstanding. That’s Explosions In The Sky’s “Your Hand In Mine” as the music bed....
Please Don't Kick The King
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Freddy Adu Scored The Saddest Free Kick You'll Ever See
Remember Freddy Adu? Remember the guy that was supposed to save American soccer? Four months ago he signed with Kuopion Palloseura, in the Finnish first division. They’re the eleventh team the still-somehow-only-26-year-old Adu has played for: D.C. United —> Real Salt Lake —> Benfica —> AS Monaco —>...
"The Worst Team In The World" Is Living Its World Cup Dream
THIMPHU, Bhutan – Six to zero. 6-0. The final score of the June 16 China-Bhutan World Cup qualifier was six to freaking zero in favor of the Chinese. And do you know what the Bhutanese fans did after the game? They sang to the players. They cheered. They screamed with absolute joy when the keeper, H...
Chicharito Fractures Collarbone, Could Miss Gold Cup
Mexico will be without their starting striker for much of the Gold Cup. During last night’s friendly against Honduras in Houston, Chicharito left in the 40th minute after suffering an apparent fractured collarbone. Chicharito was fouled while tracking down a wayward pass, landed on his shoulder awkw...
England Lose World Cup Semifinal In Most Heartbreaking Fashion Possible
For 90 minutes, England stood toe-to-toe with Japan. The match was tied 1-1, with each team having scored a penalty kick, and as the clock ticked into extra time, it looked like we would need 30 more minutes to decide the tie. And then, English defender Laura Bassett made a touch that will haunt her...
How The USWNT Finally Figured It Out
After toiling in mediocrity for the whole tournament, with players playing out of position, no organizational structure, and no defined individual roles, the USWNT finally came out last night looking like the World Cup favorites we all thought they’d be. Because of that, we’re left with one question...
Landon Donovan Burns Jurgen Klinsmann, Gets Burned By Alexi Lalas
Landon Donovan is retired, and what better way to spend his down time than taking shots at Jurgen Klinsmann for leaving him off the 2014 World Cup roster?...