soccer Page 48 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Old Man Wayne Rooney Is Thriving In MLS
Old man and Manchester United legend Wayne Rooney was supposed to be irreversibly washed. He still largely is—hence why he’s in MLS to begin with—but, still, he’s definitely been making the most out of his American sabbatical. He’s already mashed his face into bits and notched one of his career-bes...
Only Art Modell Can Save The Columbus Crew From Relocating Now
Columbus Crew SC, in conjunction with MLS czar Don Garber, has crossed one of the final checkpoints in their plan to move the team to Austin as early as next season. The Austin City Council passed a vote on Wednesday, seven to four, to pave the way for the building of a soccer-specific stadium onto ...
Anthony Precourt Gets One Step Closer To Pimping Out The Columbus Crew To Austin
Big Daddy Kane might not have thought pimping was easy, but back when he wrote that song he hadn’t seen how simple it was for the Columbus Crew’s grease-palmed owner Anthony Precourt to merely raise a hand menacingly at his current john—the city of Columbus—while also whispering of his service’s ill...
Andrés Iniesta Has Moved To Japan And Become A Golazo-Scoring Fiend
They say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. They also say there is always one exception that proves any given rule. I don’t really know what to do with these two chestnuts but they seem relevant to the fact that Andrés Iniesta has moved to Japan and apparently transformed into Lionel Messi....
Liverpool's Low-Key Smashing Of West Ham Was A Statement Of Intent
The first game of a season that for the first time in forever feels like it might end with the long-awaited Premier League title. A match against, on paper, one of the strongest teams in the division. A home opener in what is probably the most raucous stadium in the country. A chance to put together...
English Teen Lauren Hemp Scores From The Right Flank With Her Right Flank<em></em>
If we were to build a pantheon of world soccer’s most lethal weapons, there are a few iconic appendages we can think of that would be locks to make it in: Lionel Messi’s left foot, Cristiano Ronaldo’s right, Abby Wambach’s head. To those ranks we must now add the right hip/stomach/ribs region of Lau...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Produced One Of The Best MLS Highlights You'll Ever See
D.C. United sent their keeper up for a corner kick with a minute left in stoppage time of a tied game. It backfired, spectacularly. Then it didn’t, spectacularly, and it was all thanks to good ol’ Wayne Rooney. ...
New Madrid Keeper Thibaut Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos
Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibaut Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst onto the La Liga scene to challenge the duopoly of Barcelona and Real Madrid. Now, since his transfer to Real earlier this week, Courtois has been forced to awkwardly answer for hi...
Paul Pogba's Weirdo Penalty Is The First Premier League Goal Of The Season
At the start of a game that probably shouldn’t be played right now (I mean really, the World Cup ended less than a month ago for chrissakes, don’t these guys deserve some rest?), a player that probably shouldn’t be playing (Paul Pogba had a big role in that World Cup right up till the end, you might...
The Best Dribbler In The World Is Back In The Premier League
The best, most unstoppable dribbler in world soccer will be playing in the Premier League this season. Though it’s probably not the player you think....
Extremely Not-Desperate Chelsea Break The Bank To Sign Their Second-Choice Keeper
The very gloomy outlook for Chelsea’s upcoming Premier League season just got a little bit brighter, albeit at a hefty cost. The Blues welcomed a new goalkeeper to the club today in Athletic Bilbao’s Kepa Arrizabalaga, who pretty understandably just goes by “Kepa” most of the time. Kepa’s price tag,...
Steven Gerrard Translates English Into English For English-Speaking Player
The one in which Rangers’ English manager Steven Gerrard (yes, that Steven Gerrard) translates the Scottish press’s English into English so that his new Croatian defender, Nikola Katić, can understand the questions and then reply in English himself:...
The NWSL's Sky Blue FC Is Falling Apart, On The Field And Off
Sky Blue FC is the longest operating women’s professional soccer club in the United States. It has survived the collapse of Women’s Professional Soccer, the predecessor to the National Women’s Soccer League, and made it through some tumultuous recent years in the NWSL, too. But six seasons into the ...
Soccer On American TV Is Going Straight To A Fiery, Paywalled Hell
Back in the golden age of soccer TV in the U.S.—think back, if you were lucky enough to be there for them, to those naive, innocent, halcyon days of 2016—America was the best place on earth to be a couch-dwelling soccer fan. In those heady times, stateside followers of the beautiful game could gorge...
Here Are 10 Minutes Of The Finest Soccer Passes From Last Season
The Premier League season starts this weekend. It’s been like four seconds since the World Cup ended. Regardless, that’s exciting news....
The Best Comedy Bits Going Are Leeds Manager Marcelo Bielsa's Interviews
If you’ve found yourself confused about why those familiar with Argentine mad genius manager Marcelo Bielsa were giddy with excitement when he got the Leeds United job earlier this summer, just watch the bizarre, hilarious, Google Translate-in-the-flesh pre- and post-match interviews he gave to Sky ...
This Could Be A Very Bad Season For Chelsea
Recent history tells us that 2018-19 is going to be a good year for Chelsea. Over the past four seasons, the Blues have see-sawed back and forth between amazing, Premier League–winning seasons and disastrously disappointing years in which unmotivated players coast through 38 games. With a fifth-plac...
It's Time To Get Excited About The USWNT
On the one hand, this was just a friendly that the Stars and Stripes were supposed to win. But on the other hand, it’s time to get frickin’ hyped about the USWNT! With a 4-1 win over Brazil on Thursday night, America took home the Tournament of Nations trophy. But more important than that hardware i...
These Inventive Keeper Drills Honestly Seem Like A Lot Of Fun
Professional soccer players are probably the only athletes whose practice regimens look somewhat enjoyable. Every time I see footage of a Premier League training session everyone is just kind of jogging around pleasantly or playing keep-away, and I kind of wish I could join in. The same goes for thi...
Megan Rapinoe Is Still Pulling All The Right Strings
A 90th-minute Megan Rapinoe corner kick led to a dramatic Lindsey Horan goal for the USWNT on Sunday night, forcing a 1-1 draw with Australia and keeping America unbeaten through the first two games of the Tournament of Nations—which are just some friendlies but nonetheless hold real importance as W...