spoiler Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s Kicking Spree Ends With Marco Materazzi Being Hospitalized
We warned you this would happen. Since giving Rodney Strasser a shoeing in training, old Zlatan has grown a worrying taste for showcasing his mad Taekwondo skillz at the most inappropriate moments....

Ezequiel Lavezzi Channels The Spirit Of Ketsbaia, Somersaults Into The Advertising Boards
Ninety-fourth-minute winners are always likely to give birth to some unique celebrations. Ezequiel Lavezzi's kamikaze assault on the advertising boards during the Napoli/Cagliari clash on Wednesday didn't disappoint, showing shades of Temuri Ketsbaia's half-naked rampage at St. James Park in '98....

Chinese Keeper Wang Dalei Savages Fans In Internet Post: "You Bunch Of Morons"
Chinese international goalkeeper Wang Dalei (or "Big Thunder") has been suspended indefinitely by the Chinese FA after laying into the country's fans following a 3-0 whooping by Japan in an Asian Games group match on Monday....

Bayer Leverkusen’s Sidney Sam Scores An Absolute Pearler
And Sidney's wasn't even the best name on show in Leverkusen's 3-1 win over Kaiserslautern on Sunday — this crack canceled out an opener from defender Florian Dick....

Theo Walcott Is A Published Author Of Children’s Literature
Inspired by the heroes in his favourite bedtime stories, Arsenal striker Theo Walcott, aged 9¾, has written a series of kids’ books whose lead character is loosely based on the forward himself....

Arsene Wenger Responds To Allegations Of Affair With French Rapper Sonia Tatar
Arsene Wenger has released a statement addressing allegations published in the The Sun this morning that the 61-year-old Arsenal manager has been having a two year affair with "glamorous French rap star" Sonia Tatar, 39....

Chinese Football Coach Studies Genitals In Order To Find The Next Messi
We've checked our calendar and apparently it's not April 1st for a while yet. Still, that hasn't stopped Chinese newspaper Yangtze Evening Post running a story on a new scouting method for young Chinese football stars — genital assessment....

Cristiano Ronaldo’s Pathetic Dive Against AC Milan Last Night
This post, written by Richard Gilzene, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....

REVEALED: Pages From Jose Mourinho’s Match Tactics Book
Those of you who study Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho closely will have noticed that, when he isn't chewing gum, yelling, or shooting smouldering looks at people, he likes to write a lot of stuff in his Real-branded notepad during matches....

<em>Don Balon</em>’s List Of The 100 Best Young Soccer Players In The World
Don Balon is a Spanish football magazine with a good line in fate-tempting articles predicting the next generation of world superstars....

Tottenham’s Benoit Assou-Ekotto Rips Into "Dirty Prostitute Shagger" Rooney
Tottenham Hotspur defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto, best known for his laid-back, "couldn't give a f**k, tbh" approach to professional football, has laid into his Premier League peers, singling Wayne Rooney out for special attention as a "dirty prostitute shagger."...

Cristiano Ronaldo’s New Nike Mercurial Vapours Look Awful
Stylish young man Cristiano Ronaldo proudly unveiled his horrific new safari-print football boots yesterday (click the pic for a closer look.)...

A Brief History Of <em>FIFA</em> And <em>Pro Evolution</em> Soccer
Following on from the unnecessary video game references in yesterday's posts, The Spoiler thought this was too good to be hidden away in the link dump....

Chicharito Comes To The Rescue For Manchester United (Again)
Last night the Mexican came off the bench in the final ten minutes against Wolves to drag a lackluster United side through the Carling Cup quarter finals....

Ex-Barcelona President Hired Detectives To Secretly Spy On Players
Spanish weekly Interviu has sent shockwaves through La Liga today by alleging former Barcelona president Joan Laporta paid a gang of private detectives to go out and spy on his players and staff as they went about their daily lives....

Soccer Player Has Heart Attack During Match
Miguel Garcia, a midfielder for Segunda Divsion side Salamanca, is recovering in hospital today after suffering a suspected heart attack during a match against Real Betis on Sunday....

Balaclava-Clad Man United Mob Lays Siege To Wayne Rooney’s House, Makes Death Threats
The following is a special presentation of The Spoiler. Wayne Rooney signed a new deal with Manchester United today, however, news of what transpired last night is juicy, funny, a little frightening, and could hold the reason for his change of heart....

Gareth Bale Can Still Beat Inter Milan On The Aggregate
Elderly midfielder Javier Zanetti became the oldest goalscorer in Champions League history when he opened proceedings after just two minutes, and Spurs found themselves 3-0 down within a quarter of an hour after keeper Gomes was sent off for bringing down Jonathan Biabany....

AC Milan-Real Madrid Match Interrupted With Fan On The Field Zaniness
Infamous pitch invader Jimmy Jump—not to be confused with the Laurence Fishburne chraracter from the Schooly D-heavy King of New York—claimed another scalp last night during the titanic clash between AC Milan and Real Madrid in the Champions League....

Backheel Goal Scorer Returns With More Fancy Goal Scorin'
Another all-worldie from Irish striker Matty Burrows of Glentoran FC. The terrible goalkeeping sort of takes the shine off this one, though....