sports Page 861 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

ESPN Wins The Courtship Of Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons is close to re-upping with ESPN, people familiar with the situation say, putting an end to speculation that he might head for a competitor or strike out on his own when his contract expires at year's end....

Private Stache: LeBron Half-Naked In A Cornfield. We Are All Witnesses.
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Awesome Track Coach Wins League Championship By Disqualifying Girl For Friendship Bracelet
South Pasadena High pole vaulter Robin Laird thought she won a league championship last month when her final vault clinched the meet. Then the opposing coach helpfully pointed out that she was wearing a string around her wrist. Clutch!...

Private Stache: Magic The Gathering
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Dear Philadelphia Fans: Tase Yo'selves Before You Wreck Yo'selves
It seemed a bit excessive to zap the towel-waving teenage scamp at CBP, but the black hearts of Phillies fans really could use some seizure-causing high voltage right now....

Basketball Playing Dogs A Metaphor For Disorganized AND1-Style Of Play
The Baseline's Eric Freeman thinks these pooches are reenacting the Jazz-Lakers series. Though if Scout, the puppy, does represent the Jazz, there won't be a Game 5. [The Baseline]...

Sports Illustrated Exposes Big Bad Ben
SI's eagerly awaited Roethlisberger cover story hits newsstands tomorrow, and while it's sure to go down as the definitive portrait of Big Ben, we can't help but wonder about the timing....

9-Year-Old Beer-Drinking Hockey Players, aka Regular Canadians
A Saskatoon youth hockey team is under fire after posting a video showing the mites with open cans and bottles of beer. Little Pelle Lindbergh proceeded to drive his Big Wheel directly into a school. [Canwest]...

Private Stache: A New Feature In Which We Revisit The Unintentionally Hilarious Sports Photography Of Yore
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Touchdown Jesus Wept: Notre Dame's Promo Video Is Funky, Awful
Notre Dame, a small Bible school with one of sports' more offensive nicknames, has decided to promote its athletic program by channeling Parliament-Funkadelic. The echoes just woke up and would like Notre Dame to please keep that awful racket down. [MSF]...

Dumb Honky Radio Guy Fired For Doing On Twitter What Everyone In Sports Talk Does On Air
Bacsik, the former Nats reliever and leading demographer of the American Southwest, has been fired by KTCK-AM's parent company for all that "dirty Mexicans" business on Twitter the other day. Because sports-talk radio is no place for casual racism and half-drunk stupidity....

Dick Ebersol Gives ESPN Verbal Purple Nurple At Sports Emmy's Over Jerry Jones Video
"With many ESPN execs ... in the audience watching, Ebersol took out a cell phone and pretended to record Jones. He then said, 'I just wanted a call out to my friends at ESPN-TMZ.'" [SBJ]...

A Treasury Of Pee-Wee Football Players Knocking The Crap Out Of Each Other
The NFL Draft is tonight, and in honor of that most drawn-out of events, let's take a look at the hard-hitting players likely to be climbing Mel Kiper's Big Board in 2020....

Who Is The <em>SportsCenter</em> Farter This Time?
During an impassioned discussion on the Cleveland Browns, someone on the SportsCenter NFL draft panel cut one, just as Mike Tirico began to giggle. Was this a laughter-induced fart or fart-induced laughter? Who is the flatulent panelist? Deadspin-I-Team, assemble. H/T Steve....

Get Ready For The Worst Sports Show Ever
A helpful reader was trolling Craigslist when he stumbled across a casting call for a new sports/talk/comedy show. And man, does it sound terrible (and not just because Joumana Kidd is hosting)....

Indoor Cycling Crash Cleaves Bike In Two, Startles Racers
This crash happened at the UCI Track Cycling World Championship last month in Copenhagen. Alarming as it is, everyone seems to be fine. Otherwise, playing a peppy Killers song afterward would've been in very bad taste. [Break]...

Onion Sports Network Coming To Comedy Central
Comedy Central has ordered 10 episodes, which will air next year. It is unclear whether the series, referred to as "scripted," will be "The Daily Show, but, you know, for sports" or more of this with higher production values. [Hollywood Reporter]...

Traveling to Citi, Field of Broken Dreams
Do you remember these gals? If not, you should get to know them better. Sam and Susannah and the rest of Middlebrow Media will be helping us out from time to time. Today's topic: the delusion of Mets fans....

Dallas-Area Cheerleaders Piss Team Spirit, Piss
KXAS-TV does one of those routine cheerleaders-force-other-cheerleaders-to-drink-urine stories, only this one involves some gross-out B-roll and a "bad taste in their mouth" zinger as the kicker. Kudos to the awesomely monikered reporter, Ashanti Blaize. [Fat White Guy]...

High School Hockey Championship Decided — 21 Years Later
The 1989 New Jersey state title, abandoned after a measles outbreak, was finally played earlier this month. This story is like if Chris Chelios and J-Woww had a baby. [Star-Ledger, via Puck Daddy]...