state Page 348 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Finally Time To Put The College Football Season To Rest
OK, we are finally here. The college football season, at last, ends tonight in New Orleans. You know it's an important game in a SERIOUS locale, because they've put the cheerleaders to work. It's Ohio State vs. LSU, for something weird thing we're calling a "national championship." Or something. En...
LSU Will Also Beat Your Ass At Tetris
The day will surely come, my friend, when football will exist only in The Matrix. Why should humans risk serious injury and National Anthems by the Oak Ridge Boys when we can play the whole damn game on an Xbox? We're a step closer to that already, as LSU has revealed that its quarterbacks — Matt Fl...
Dirk Exorcizes Some Demons
The NBA Closer is written by our Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or wearing skinny ties, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy....
Witness The Pagentry Of The International Bowl
It can't be easy to promote the International Bowl in Toronto. It's Rutgers vs. Ball State, smack in the middle of a bunch of bowls that actually, you know, matter. (Well, kind of.) How do you sell it? How do you make people want to watch?...
Woe Is The Illini
The Tennessee State Tigers are 4-8, with losses to Belmont, Akron, Colorado State and Southeast Missouri State. It was once known as the Tennessee State Agricultural and Industrial State Normal School for Negroes. Oprah Winfrey went there. And yesterday, they beat our Illini at the Assembly Hall in ...
Oh Gosh Todd, You Shouldn't Have Said That
Male cheerleaders have their place in life, we suppose. Who else can we mock mercilessly and string up by the heels from flagpoles? I mean, who else who can't fight back? We laugh at their spiffy routines and tight-fitting sweater-and-slacks combinations, occasionally one becomes President, and life...
Fumble! Everybody On It, Including Stepsons
By now, you've probably heard about Chris Jessie, Mack Brown's stepson who stupidly grabbed a loose fumble last night during Texas' thumping of Arizona State in the Holiday Bowl. It's pretty entertaining....
A total of 36 players will not travel with Florida State to the Music City Bowl for one reason or another. (Another reason being: mass suspension.) What might really help out the Seminoles would be to ask the refs if they could play most of the game 7-on-7. Failing that, change your confidence ratin...
Former Fresno State Coach Is Rich...Pending Appeal
Stacy Johnson-Klein made a decent living as the women's basketball coach at Fresno State University. When she became the victim of sexual harassment and gender discrimination before eventually being fired she became a very wealthy woman....
Warriors Vs. Road Warriors
The NBA Closer is now written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast. Enjoy....
Whatever Choice Was Made, It Was Going To Be Wrong
We enjoy this picture of Georgia center Fernando Velasco, taken after the Bulldogs' win over Georgia Tech Saturday, because he is holding an orange. Presumably, a fan through him — and some other Bulldogs — an orange to symbolize the Orange Bowl. This is odd not because Georgia is not going to the O...
When Ya Gotta Go ...
Sometimes, the call of nature is so powerful that it cannot be overcome. We know. We've been there. You might be in an inconvenient location, but whaddya gonna do? Just ask Kansas State forward Bill Walker....
Really, When You Think About It, Aren't We ALL Winners?
LSU coach Les Miles, who might be checking out this job posting, wants to make it clear that if college football didn't play overtime, his team would still be undefeated!...
The Grand Valley State Mascot Really Loves His Job
OK, I’ve checked the rulebook, and nowhere in there does it say that you can’t hump the goalpost after your team has achieved an important first down. This round goes to you, Grand Valley State mascot. But someday your reign of Div. II goal post-sexual assault will end. Mark my words. ...
It's The End Times, People!
Not sure exactly what's going on, but just to be sure that God isn't up to some sort of Armageddon-like shenanigans, if you need me I'll be in a sealed grotto at the zoo. The Warriors — whom I believe began the season 0-6 — trounced the Suns on Monday, but that's not the big news. The Knicks have no...
Somebody Stop This Fight (But Don't, Please)
Hey, here was something that Isiah hadn't tried: On Monday, disgusted with what he said was a lack of effort, he threw his entire team out of practice. The results on Tuesday were sparkling, as visiting Golden State beat the Knicks 108-82. The wheels have flown off of this bus, folks, and they're dr...
The Woebegone Bay Area
This has been brought up before, but in the wake of this whole Barry Bonds business, it's worth mentioning: The San Francisco bay area is going through the worst stretch of sports news in recent memory. They're like the anti-Boston....