stupid Page 25 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Weekend In Unintentional-Dong Picture Submissions
Several of you sent in unintentional dong shots since Thursday night's "This Week In Unintentional-Dong Picture Submissions" post. Here, four of you get the attention you so greatly deserve....
<em>Welcome Back, JaMarcus</em>: Russell Will Return To LSU In The Fall To Take Some Classes
LSU Sports Information Director Michael Bonnette tweeted yesterday that former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell would be returning to Baton Rouge to take classes in the fall. In his honor, we've cut you the opening credits of Welcome Back, JaMarcus....
The Long-Anticipated Furbush-For-Fister Deal Has Been Consummated
In MLB trade-deadline eve news, the Detroit Tigers get a right-handed workhorse Fister (first name Doug) from Seattle in return for a Furbush (Charlie) to plant in its bullpen and use when needed....
When Tom Met Chad: Love Blossoms At The Patriots Camp
Tom Brady met his new wide receiver today. ...
It's Not The Heat, It's The Humididong
Mitch Butler and Josh Landis couldn't even get through a simple 2:05 CBS Early Show segment exploring the nuances of humidity without slapping a big old phallic symbol up on the screen, and one with a rapidly increasing temperature, no less....
The Pirates' 'Formal Complaint' Over Last Night's Call Will Accomplish What, Exactly? (Update)
Absolutely nothing. But that hasn't stopped pandering homers like this in the Pittsburgh media from clamoring for the front office to "let them know the Pirates are through getting kicked around." Because nothing's gonna get the suits at MLB headquarters to bend to the Pirates' will quite like an e...
BREAKING: Hall Of Famer, Admitted T-Shirt Thief Roberto Alomar Will Return The T-Shirt He Stole
Perhaps you read our story earlier today, of Blue Jays fans Fiyaz Kanji and Owais Farooqui, who made the pilgrimage to Cooperstown this weekend to see Roberto Alomar enter the Hall. But during the parade, Alomar took the $50 t-shirt that belonged to Kanji....
Breaking: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is $171.45, But That's Because He Didn't Pay Last Month's Bill
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....
You Can Say "Circumcising Mosquitoes" On <em>PTI</em>, But You Can't Say It Thrice
The gentlemen on Pardon The Interruption exceeded the quota for the amount of times one can say some variation of the phrase "circumcising mosquitoes" on live television today. Cowlishaw, quoting (and imitating) Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, gets in two mentions, but Wilbon never gets his chance. The...
Justin Timberlake At The All-Star Game: Drunk, Sarcastic, Drunk-Sarcastic, Or Just Obnoxious?
Justin Timberlake has redeemable qualities, doesn't he? He can sing and dance, he is a good SNL host, and he reportedly even has feelings. All this is more than we can say about Joe Buck. So no matter your opinion of the former boy band front-teen, he deserves some credit for agreeing to a live-br...
Jose Canseco Knows What He Wants And Is Not Afraid To Ask The World For It
Day Two of the latest Jose Canseco sad-clown meltdown saw him preaching from the mountaintop ("Be careful with woman who show off there tits and ass and think that's a career"), real-talking ("I will never forget or forgive what u said to me leila ur evil"), serving as the phone company's Green Pag...
In His Latest Meltdown, Jose Canseco Decided To Publicize His Girlfriend's Phone Number, Drug Of Choice
What started with Jose Canseco's Thursday announcement that "I am asking leila shennib to marry me .will you marry me" has somehow gone off the rails. Imagine that....
Presenting The Two Most Preposterous Sentences Ever Written About Derek Jeter, As Of 11:06 A.M. Today
Would you like to read the two silliest sentences ever written about Derek Jeter in the mainstream press? Two sentences so silly that if you told me someone had liberated all the drunk tanks within the Beltway and set the good folks loose inside whatever inflatable bouncer passes for the USA Today n...
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Read A Book Called <em>Chess Tactics For Champions</em> While At Bonnaroo
Add another three-week-old update on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's unheralded appearance at the Bonnaroo music festival earlier this month: he was reading a book called Chess Tactics for Champions while waiting for his panel....
Alert: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is $105.40
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....
Dirk Nowitzki Dance Party!
Behold Dirk Nowitzki: America's favorite German, the NBA Finals MVP, the man who made being a mostly-unknown national hero look so easy, and the man who made a one-legged step-back jumper look even easier. But! We've unearthed one weakness. Dirk Nowitzki is a rather tortured booty-dropper....
<i>NY Daily News</i> Stretches "NFL Star" To Its Breaking Point
Here's the headline in today's New York Daily News: "Bret Lockett and Kim Kardashian? NFL star comes clean: ‘I never met Kim, but we sexted'." This is a report following up on In Touch's headline: "Five-month affair with NFL star Bret Lockett behind fiancé's back."...
The Kim Kardashian Effect: Advanced Stats Show Why Kris Humphries Put A Ring On It
Nets forward Kris Humphries put up great numbers in the seventh season of his NBA career, his first as Kim Kardashian's beau. The couple announced their engagement (with a disturbing description of an "intimate family celebration" involving horses), and while there are no shortage of possible motive...
UPDATE: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is $116.80 This Month, But He Has A Credit
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....
Today In Bothering The NFL With Stupid Questions: Ray Lewis One-Man Crime Wave Edition
Yesterday, Ray Lewis made some eye-opening comments about the lockout. "Watch how much evil, which we call crime," he told Sal Paolantonio, "watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game."...