stupid Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NRA Got Mad About Coolers And Now People Are Shooting Coolers<em></em>
If you’ve spent any time in an REI or around outdoor enthusiasts of a certain economic stratum in the past several years, you have almost certainly encountered a YETI Coolers product. Their coolers are blocky, unconscionably heavy boxes that prevent ice from coming anywhere near melting, and they co...
Umpire Jerry Meals Is Small, Most Baseball Men Are Large: Physical Comedy Ensues
Umpire Jerry Meals is five feet eight inches tall. This is a perfectly respectable height, and one that has not kept him from achieving what we can presume was his lifelong dream of being a Major League umpire. Jerry Meals has made it. ...
![Let's Spend Way Too Much Time Breaking Down An Adorable Little Girl's Quest For A Puck [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/a3zmbun0k7rt8ehrsaxu.png)
Let's Spend Way Too Much Time Breaking Down An Adorable Little Girl's Quest For A Puck [UPDATE]
On Sunday, a cute little girl sitting in the money seats at the Caps playoff game banged on the glass as Brett Connolly skated by. He noticed her and tried to flip her a puck over the glass, but a dad-person behind her caught it and handed it to the young fan beside her. She was sad. The same thing ...
Shocking Video Reveals That Ronaldo And Messi Have Different Personalities
Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. It’s an argument as old as time itself, with diehard fans of these two all-time greats throwing out stats and facts in support of their preferred candidate to make their case for superiority—Messianiacs pointing to his better scoring record, his better passing, hi...
MLB Season Preview: What You Need To Know For 40 Minutes Of Marlins Baseball
Aw shit yeah, buddies, it’s Opening Day! The good kind of Opening Day, too. One of those classics on which all 30 teams—well, except for the Nats and Reds and Tigers and Pirates, because their games have already been postponed—play on the same day and it’s non-stop baseball. I do have one piece of b...
Dipshit Florida Legislators’ Plan To Move To Atlantic Standard Time Will Wreak Havoc On Sports In The Sunshine State<em></em>
Florida’s heavily GOP legislature last month pushed through a bill that would move most of the state out of a daylight saving time-observing Eastern time zone and into year-round Atlantic Standard Time; Sen. Marco Rubio last week announced the plans to confirm the change in an act of Congress. This ...
The Only Good Brackets Are For Basketball
I remember the first time I played an NCAA tournament pool. I was 8. I picked UCLA to win it all, probably because even then I was a huge dork and knew they had won a lot of games, historically. Or maybe I liked their colors....
Whoever Wrote Kirk Cousins's Farewell Blog Used "Vikings" And "Jets" Tags<em></em>
Kirk Cousins announced in a blog post today on KirkCousins.org that he will not return to Washington. In the blog, Cousins expresses gratitude towards the city and his teammates, and talks about getting to choose his next team for the first time in over a decade, but more importantly, whoever wrote ...
Birds Are Good
It has come to my attention that some people do not like all birds. This or that bird is not good, they are saying or thinking or blogging nearly two years ago. But actually, whatever bird they are talking about is good. Birds are good....
Would You Rather Be On A Barf Plane Or Have Your Flight Delayed?
Today, crazy winds wreaked havoc on the Northeast, blowing over trees, knocking out power, and causing a bunch of people on an airplane to barf their brains out....
Dogs That Should Have Won The Westminster Dog Show Instead Of This Silly Fluff Ball
Behold! The winner of the 142nd Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show: none other than Flynn the bichon frise, pictured above. A very good dog—aren’t they all?—and yet, from my point of view as an idiot completely uneducated on the subject, not the best dog. Clearly not the best dog. Flynn, like any bich...
Barstool Employee Unhappy About Being Filmed In The Shower By His Boss
On Saturday, Barstool Sports president and short-tempered Adderall pill Dave Portnoy posted a video of one of his employees, Adam Smith, naked in the shower. Portnoy published the video to Twitter and then deleted it because, he said, Smith “cried like a baby about his dick being on the internet.”...
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Super Bowl Start?' Start?
Time is a social construct cooked up by humankind to impose some modicum of order onto an otherwise chaotic existence. But with that said, Super Bowl 52 will kick off this weekend. At some point. Who will win “the big game”? That’s not for me to say. What time does it start? Now there’s a good quest...
Fancy Dog Tom Brady Says He Was Once Bitten By Pooch After Unintentional Display Of Dominance
Tom Brady, who has previously been revealed as a fancy dog by this very website, told a story today in which he outlined one of the primary dangers a fancy dog faces in today’s world: unwanted attention from a mean dog....
What's The Best Possible Animal Army In A Battle To The Death?
Here’s a rock-dumb hypothetical the staff has been arguing about for a few hours: If you were forced to choose two groups of fighters from the following draft class of eight kinds of animals and one guy with a gun, what’s the best possible defense you can construct for yourself against the remaining...
Congratulations To Deadspin For This Blog Post About LeBron James's Instagram
Today, LeBron James congratulated himself for scoring his 30,000th career point, a feat he will likely accomplish tonight as he’s just seven points shy of the mark....
How Old Is Edwin Jackson?
Driving to every major league ballpark that Edwin Jackson has called home, one by one, in order, would require driving for more than 16,000 miles to reach 11 stadiums. (Toronto not included on this hypothetical road trip; he was on the Blue Jays’ roster for a few hours between trades at the 2011 dea...
Cultural References In This NFL.com Sean McVay Profile, Ranked
The longtime Sports Illustrated writer Michael Silver works for the NFL now, and it appears that his editors there are finally allowing him to live his dream of writing like a prestigious version of Bill Simmons circa 2002. His lengthy profile of Rams head coach Sean McVay is packed with more pop cu...
Here's The Only Hot Stove Glossary You'll Ever Need
Today marks the first full day of baseball’s Winter Meetings, that wonderful annual gathering in which baseball executives text each other trade proposals in closer physical proximity to one another than is usually the case while baseball writers repeatedly get drunk at the same hotel bar. This spec...
My Fellow Americans, I Regret To Inform You That Our Idiot President Is Being Owned Again
Yes, our dingus mingus of a President said something dumb and wrong, and once again he is being owned online for it. This time, in an effort to protect his image from the indignity of, umm, not being on the cover of one specific issue of one specific magazine, he made some shit up about “actually, I...