stupid Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lance Armstrong Denies That Lance Armstrong Is Dead
Is Lance Armstrong dead? According to fox-news24.com, he is. According to Lance Armstrong, he is not....
Marcus Morris Denies That He Is Impersonating His Twin Brother On The Wizards<em></em>
Is Wizards forward Markieff Morris only playing through an ankle injury because his brother Marcus is impersonating him? Let’s see what Marcus thinks....
What Does Quin Snyder Look Like?
There isn’t much to say about the Utah Jazz, who have an incredibly tough task against the Warriors in their second-round series, but this is as good an opportunity as any to point out that head coach Quin Snyder looks like the villain from a 1990s comedy starring a former SNL cast member....
Patriots Fan's Heat Check Goes Wrong
Sound the Twitter drama foghorn, because you’re about to read about something incredibly stupid and meaningless....
James Dolan Called Me An Asshole, Knicks Fan Says; "He Is An Asshole," Dolan Says<em></em><em></em>
Mike Hamersky, a self-described New York Knicks superfan and season ticket holder from Astoria, claims that team owner James Dolan got in his face last night outside Madison Square Garden and screamed mean things....
John Elway Writes Letter Endorsing Supreme Court Nominee, For Some Reason
There are a great many topics on which one might seek the wisdom of former Hall-of-Fame quarterback and current Broncos GM John Elway. For instance: how to throw a football real far, or how to avoid paying a shit-ton of money to a bad QB just because he can throw a football real far....
Here Is A Harrowingly In-Depth Analysis Of The New <i>Game Of Thrones </i>Poster
Game Of Thrones, HBO’s hit show about cartography and snowstorms, will be back soonish (probably in July). The release date hasn’t been announced yet, but the first bit of show-related ephemera dropped today, via EW. It’s a poster. There’s a lot of ice....
Choking-Ass Glory Boy Rabbit Blows Huge Lead To Tortoise
Numerous genetic surveys have been done on the rabbit, but until this point in history, the potential existence of a clutch gene has been a scientific mystery. Are rabbits reliable performers in the clutch or are they wilting-ass chokers? Finally, we know for sure: Bunnies are weak as hell under pre...
I Can’t Stop Playing This Shitty iPhone Football Game<em></em>
Football season is over, which means that I am forced to fill the gaping void in my life with booze, drugs, utterly worthless draft speculation, whatever has been gathering dust on the DVR, and (oh God) family interaction. OR DO I? You fellow GAMERS like me out there (I play games on my phone, whic...
Man Creates 80-Foot-Long Whip Apparently Good Only For Hurting Himself
Via Reddit, here is a comically long bullwhip. But thanks to physics, the whipper necessarily becomes the whippee....
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Superbowl Start?' Start?
The Super Bowl is allegedly this weekend, and reports indicate that the contest will be played in Houston between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots. ...
Exclusive Report From The 49ers' Stadium: Justin Sucks Dick
An anonymous tipster has provided Deadspin with a shocking image from the home of the San Francisco 49ers....
Jordan Reed Ejected After Punching Helmeted Opponent
Jordan Reed was already injured and useless, but the Washington tight end made himself even useless-er by getting ejected at the end of the third quarter tonight against Carolina with that smartest of smart football plays: punching an opponent in the football helmet....
New York Islanders Decline To Say If Jack Capuano Lives In Garth Snow's Basement
The disappointing Islanders have lost six of their last seven and currently hold an underwhelming 5-8-3 record. Head coach Jack Capuano is on the hot seat, and depending on who you believe, the heat around his job status might be rising through the vents and warming up team president Garth Snow’s ho...
The Wildest Fan Theories About <i>Kevin Can Wait</i>
Everyone loves Westworld, but the only thing everyone loves more than Westworld are theories about the future plot events of Westworld. Fans coming up with and then spreading theories of dubious repute is not a phenomenon unique to HBO’s new show about cowboys and sex robots, but the layered uncert...
Let's Remember Some Vines
The app Vine is on its deathbed, which made me think about that Vine where that kid crosses over a baby on a basketball court. Maybe you’ve forgotten about Vine :( But now you remember it. Let’s remember some other Vines:...
An Ode To James Carville's Super Fucked-Up Glasses
This election has turned the country into a tar pit from which we will never escape, but it did give us one thing that has brought me great joy. That thing is political pundit James Carville’s busted-ass spectacles....
Is Eric Trump A Lemonade Thief?
The latest scandal out of Donald Trump’s campaign: Possible lemonade theft. It appears that Eric Trump, one of his five children, put lemonade in a water cup at an In-N-Out burger, which the restaurant frowns upon....
This Is Maybe But Probably Not Tom Brady Secretly Calling In To A Radio Show
Boston radio show Toucher and Rich received an interesting call from a listener on Wednesday’s program. “Matt” from “San Diego” had a bone to pick with the radio hosts....