swimming Page 12 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Phelps' Sacred Mission: To Sell Japanese Cars In China
Michael Phelps Inc.™® is returning to Beijing, this time to provide every man, woman and child with a brand new car. Expect gas here to be $9 per gallon by next year....
CSI: Beijing
Came in fourth in the 100 butterfly at the Summer Olympics? There's still hope for a medal. Oh, and if you already have one, we'd suggest hiding it. [NBCSports]...
Speedo's Olympic Success Leads to Financial Dilemma for Universities
The theory of trickle-down economics got an Urban Dictionary-style redefinition after the Summer Olympics in August after watching approximately 312,847,708 world records mutilated in the Water Cube, thanks in large part to wearing new LZR Racer suits from Speedo. Now, of course, collegiate and high...
If They've Named It 'The Cage Of Death,' You Know It's Safe
There are many times in life when you're justified in saying 'I'm not getting in there.' The Raiders' Black Hole immediately comes to mind, as do the restrooms at Ralph Wilson Stadium. And I've also pretty much made it a rule never to allow myself to be submerged amongst enormous, hungry crocodiles;...
Over 1700 Endurance Racers Go Temporarily Missing in Flood
Despite receiving warnings from local authorities, the organizers of the Original Mountain Marathon (an exxxtreme endurance event in England, to be exact) plowed forward with the race this weekend. Unfortunately, they didn't have Bud Selig's weathermen on staff, so they had to switch the race midway...
Michael Phelps Gill Nets Him A Keeper
We can forgive Michael Phelps for tapping a far-off state for girlfriend material, and for picking a Miss California runner up. But what's unforgivable is sporting a Tigers cap when everyone knows you were born and raised in Baltimore. Attending the University of Michigan is no excuse; you support t...
Michael Phelps Making It Rain With Endorsement Loot
Michael Phelps, not even unpacked from Beijing, has already purchased a $1.69 million condo in Baltimore, complete with rooftop terrace, private screening room and robot butlers. (The latter wasn't in the online listing; I just threw that in there). Of course Speedo has already promised him a $1 mil...
Beard Apology Not Enough For CNN, The World
Amanda Beard apologized on Thursday for her recent comments about Michael Phelps, but not before she was raked over the coals by a crack panel of highly-respected journalists on CNN. OK, actually they're three D-list characters I'd never heard of. But it was CNN, which promises to get back to that w...
Introducing The Smart Look For Back To School
Notice to any women who are hoping for hot multiple gold medal sex with a certain big-eared swimmer in the coming weeks; Michael Phelps' sperm are not to be trifled with. As this T-shirt by The Hotness Factory clearly illustrates, his boys can swim; they are pretty much the Navy Seals of spermatozoa...
Phelps Achieves Perfection With a Little Help From His Friends
Michael Phelps has just made history by eclipsing Mark Spitz's record of seven gold medals in a single Olympics with a win in the 4x100 medley relay in Beijing. Phelps maintained a small lead swimming the butterfly in the race's third leg and once again it was Jason Lezak holding off the opposition ...
Behold, The Power Of Cheese: Phelps Wins No. 6
The surgeon general is frantically trying to keep a lid on the latest story out of Beijing, in which Michael Phelps has revealed his daily diet. He won gold medal No. 6 on Friday — in the 200-meter individual medley — leaving him one away from Mark Spitz' record with two races to go. And he has 12 g...
LeBron, Jason Kidd Are Huge Fans Of The Swimming
Highlights from Beijing, where today's weather forecast is dark and sneezy, with a chance of afternoon soot ... I'm on record as saying this before the Games even started: Just try and keep the U.S. men's basketball squad away from the Water Cube. Here we see King James, Kidd and 10-time Olympic med...
We Welcome Our New Michael Phelps Overlord
The goggles, they do nothing! Despite leaky specs in the first race of the morning — the 200 meter butterfly — Michael Phelps claimed his fourth gold medal of the Beijing Games. He then went on to capture No. 5 as the U.S. became the first team to crack the 7-minute barrier in the 800 freestyle rela...
No, Mark Spitz Will Not Go Quietly. And Why Should He?
Good line by a commenter on last night's DUAN, "Mark Spitz is printing 6-1 t-shirts as we speak." And it wouldn't surprise me to peak into Spitz's basement and see said shirts actually in production. If he wasn't rooting against Michael Phelps before, he most likely is now that he's been snubbed by ...
You Taste Of America, Jason Lezak
There's no better motivation for an American in the Olympics than Frenchy getting in your face and predicting victory. "I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say ... 'I love crepes.' " Jason Lezak outsprinted Alain Bernard of France in the anchor leg as the U.S. men — Michael Phelps, Ga...
Diseased Poon Not Good For Fellow Olympians
Mama always said bad poon could spread diseases. According to sources, Canadian swimmer Victoria Poon has come down with chicken pox and is now being quarantined at a hospital in Beijing. Commence poon jokes....now....
Hey. You. I Know You, I Know You...
At what point does one realize they have a talent for synchronized swimming? Does it originate from one's ability to hold their legs together during an underwater hand-stand? The ability to splash silently during Marco Polo? Or how affectively they can execute Nomi Malone-style sex-flailing for styl...
The Chinese Olympic Swimsuits Are Here ... Yeesh
It's true: One man's sexy is another man's nightmare fuel. Mostly though, aren't these swimsuits just impractical? Aerodynamic they ain't. However, if you're swimming in the ocean I suppose the front there could be used to collect baby smelt and other small bait fish. China never fails to confuse me...
This Seems Like It Should Be Illegal
I don't know what that little creature is capable of, but it seems to be effective in teaching Australian girls how to swim faster. A much more dangerous alternative would be to release this guy into the water....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while, as an old R.E.M. fan, getting obsessed with this site ... • MLB: Oliver! Perez denies Braves extra gruel yet again, leading Mets to 3-0 win. • NFL: Keyshawn Johnson retires to work on ESPN catchphrases. • MLB: It's Magglio Ordonez time! Tigers snap Angels' six-game win streak....