That right there is Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter, fresh off the pancake buffet at a Miami hotel as he rehabs his surgically repaired ankle. Notice anything different? I mean, besides the layer after layer of disgusting subcutaneous fat, just bulging and drooping and oh god I'm going to be ill. Anyway, new cargo…
Because we don't know. (We're pretty sure it's Giggs, but that's not the point.) And we may never know, as a British judge granted an injunction against a newspaper to prevent it from revealing the details of the player's affair with Imogen Thomas.
In sports, everyone's a winner, some just win better than others. Like the filthy American tourist in Cape Town who spent the night totally banging Coleen Rooney. Well struck, sir!
So the Yankees lost yesterday by a fat, glorious pile of runs, 18 of them to be precise. How, you might wonder, have the city's clever and fiercely original tabloids responded? With olfactory puns!