ted Page 196 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ed Werder Bravely Speaks For All The Men Who Don't Have Jobs In Sports Media
Sports Illustrated is looking to hire an entry-level news writer—an hourly position for 40 hours a week—but Ed Werder is explicitly not allowed to apply for the job, and if he does he’ll be chemically sterilized and thrown into a lion pit, as per company policy....
Let's Remember Some Guys, Early '80s Fleer Mustache Dudes Edition
The Rememberer’s art is, for the most part, a lonely one. That is kind of portentous and serious-sounding, but it also seemed like a better way to begin this post than the thought it was intended to convey, which is “if you are someone who remembers a lot of rando middle reliever dudes from your you...
It Sure Seems Like Nobody Running Any Sports Team Knows How To Run A Basic Background Check
The Luke Heimlich redemption tour carried on this week, cresting with the full Sports Illustrated feature treatment. There are thousands of words, a serious-faced cover photo, an alliterative headline, randomly capitalized words (“the era of Too Much Information” comes up twice), and all the fancy o...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Looks To Be Headed To D.C. United
A year after Wayne Rooney left Manchester United to return to his boyhood club, Everton, the former England great is reportedly on the cusp on joining D.C. United in MLS. United will reportedly pay a £12 million transfer fee for Rooney....
Let's Remember Some Guys: Random Cards Mailed To Our Office Edition
The internet is lonesome and atomizing and weird, which is strange when you consider that Bringing People Together is the one aspect of its ostensible promise that is unquestionably a success. It’s probably not the internet’s fault that, having been brought together, everyone just immediately starte...
Alex Ferguson Undergoes Emergency Brain Surgery Following Hemorrhage
Alex Ferguson, the legendary former manager of Manchester United, underwent emergency brain surgery Saturday following a brain hemorrhage, according to an update from the team:...
What's Next For The MMQB After Peter King?
Last fall, Peter King and Sports Illustrated editor-in-chief Chris Stone insisted that The MMQB, the football vertical the magazine created for King five years ago, was built to survive even if King were to ever leave. Now, with King headed to NBC, we get to see how that might work....
Peter King Leaving <i>Sports Illustrated</i> For NBC
After 29 years at Sports Illustrated, Peter King is leaving to join NBC....
Manchester City's Title Run Ends With A Wet Fart
As the determiner of an ultimate champion, the soccer system is great. The table never lies and every match matters and you always know that, come the end of the long, grueling season, the team that stacked up the most points will hoist the trophy above their heads in front of their adoring fans wit...
Man City Win Premier League After West Brom Beat Man United
Manchester United came back from two goals down last weekend to prevent Man City from winning the Premier League. It was a memorable 3-2 win in the Manchester derby; it wouldn’t stop City from winning the league, but it was at least a nice moment....
Manchester City Hit A Few Bumps On The Road To Immortality
By any conceivable criteria, this year’s Manchester City bunch should go down as one of the greatest Premier League teams of all time. In the face of the deepest, richest, savviest array of clubs from top to bottom in league history, as one member of a staggeringly competitive cadre of six superteam...
Soccer Fans Are Back To Hurling Yellow, Banana-Shaped Objects At Black Players [UPDATE]
A fan in Manchester threw a yellow, banana-shaped object onto the pitch early in today’s City-United derby either at Man City’s Raheem Sterling or United’s Ashley Young, both of whom are black....
Canelo Álvarez Withdraws From His Rematch With GGG
After a positive drug test for a performance-enhancing substance, Canelo Álvarez has officially withdrawn from his May 5 rematch with unified middleweight champion Gennady Golovkin, whom he fought to a controversial draw last September....
The Donte DiVincenzo Show Was A Damn Work Of Art
Donte DiVincenzo was not a sophomore bench player on Monday night. He was when the game started, but by the final horn he was the man who had saved a national championship for Villanova. ...
Canelo Álvarez <em></em>Temporarily Suspended For Tainted-Meat Drug Tests
After two weeks of reviewing his purportedly tainted-meat induced positive drug tests, the Nevada State Athletic Commission temporarily suspended Canelo Álvarez just over a month ahead of his upcoming rematch with middleweight champion Gennady Golovkin....
<i>Sports Illustrated</i> Is For Sale
Meredith Corp. is indeed exploring a sale of Sports Illustrated, Time, Fortune, and Money magazines, according to what staffers were told in a conference call with CEO Tom Harty this afternoon....
U.S.A. Beats Canada In Overtime To Complete Sled Hockey Gold Medal Three-Peat
Declan Farmer’s goal with 38 seconds left in regulation forced overtime and his goal three minutes into sudden death delivered the United States its third Paralympic Games sled hockey gold medal in a row, downing Canada in Pyeongchang 2-1....
Shit, There Might Be Logic Behind The Jets' Plan At Quarterback
The Jets wanted to land Kirk Cousins, and they reportedly offered even more than the Vikings did to get him. After that fell through, they immediately turned to Plan B, which involved re-signing Josh McCown and adding Teddy Bridgewater. At first glance, it looked like the Jets spent $15 million for ...
<i>Sports Illustrated </i>Writer: The Vikings Took My Advice And Signed Kirk Cousins
Here is Sports Illustrated writer and tape-eater extraordinaire Andy Benoit crafting a lead that is the columnist’s version of inviting you into his office just as he finishes off a set of 500 pushups:...
World Rejoices As Shitty Manchester United Team Knocked Out Of Champions League
Yesterday’s Manchester United-Sevilla Champions League match was the best game of the knockout rounds thus far. Not because these are two particularly great teams competing—they both are pretty bad—nor because they played especially well—the game was largely awful. No, this match was great for prett...