the-closer - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Kyrie Irving and Dave Chappelle are being used as Black ‘pawns’ on a white chessboardKyrie Irving and Dave Chappelle are getting played....

Deadspin Classic: Madness, Glory, And The Self-Correcting AneurysmFour years ago, in the World Cup final, France's Zinedine Zidane defended the honor of his whore sister and ended his career in an unimaginably bizarre fashion. Afterward, David Hirshey bid a sad adieu....

David Hirshey Is Your World Cup Historian, Not Your World Cup CloserDavid Hirshey wrote regularly for this site about soccer for two years before selling us out to write a terrific book for ESPN. He talked to Emeritus about the book, the World Cup and mustaches....

Hirshey: The Gulf Is Closing, But Not THAT Quickly

David Hirshey is the former soccer expert around these parts and one of the world-famous Soccer Jews. He talked to me, Emeritus, about yesterday's U.S. soccer loss to Brazil....

Closerkkake: Those Guys Really, REALLY Like Florida

Florida and Oklahoma appear poised for a showdown in the BCS Championship. Florida dazzled previously-undefeated Alabama with an array of offensive speed and play-calling, set against the backdrop of a tandem suckoff by Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson. Last night was the first time I've heard two...

CLOSERKKAKE! An All-Sports Recap So Good You'll Need To Wipe It Off Your Face!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Ball State solved a lot of potential BCS bushwhacking when they shit the bed last night against Buffalo, 42-24. Quarterback Nate Davis, whose was climbing on NFL draft boards faster than Tom Cruise onto Katie Holmes (because he's short, see?), led the collapse with four fumbles and...

Rearranging the World Order

Michael Bertin writes about soccer for Deadspin World Cup qualifying in Europe is too easy. I know that sounds ridiculous given some of the results over the weekend—France losing to Austria, Italy needing stoppage time to nip Cyrpus, and England being rescued against Andorra (again) by five inspire...

Arms Race Gets Second and Larger Arm

Michael Bertin writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin Meet the new world power in soccer, the United Arab Emirates. Actually as people, they suck at the game. The national side is currently 104th (out of 208) in FIFA's World Rankings. But the Emirates have something more important than athletic ...