the Page 829 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Hatfield Pig Is Here To Share His Cannibalistic Goodness With Phillies Fans
During your average Phillies broadcast, the freakiest thing you're likely to see is some antic of the Phanatic. Maybe, if you're lucky, a fight will break out in the Citizens Bank Park cheap seats....
Kentucky Monitors Athletes' Social Media Accounts For Sports Agents' Names
Just in case you thought the whole creepy social media monitoring thing was starting to die down, it's not. Back in May, we got a glimpse into LSU's use of a social media monitoring company called UDiligence, where athletes were already being monitored for the use of hundreds of hilarious trigger w...
The Marlins Are So Bad, Showtime Canceled <em>The Franchise</em> Early
The profanity-filled televised examination of a miserable baseball season that was The Franchise: Miami Marlins will come to a premature end Wednesday as Showtime airs its final episode of the series, one producers hoped might show the ins and outs of a pennant contender but ended up being organiza...
There Are Closed Captioning Typos, And Then There's Calling Carlos Peña "Hitler"
Closed captioning transcriptionists have hard jobs, especially in sports. Fast action, foreign names, and occasionally-drunk announcers all throw stumbling blocks in the way of providing meaning for the hearing-impaired....
Is This The Most Terrifying Weather Alert In The History Of Television?
It's midnight. You're snug in your Nashville bed, or maybe on the sofa with your lips wrapped around a crack pipe, I don't know, but whatever excuse you have for watching Jimmy Fallon, that's it....
Your <em>Expendables 2</em> Power Rankings
The Expendables 2 has 11 names on its poster only because there is not room, either in poster space or running time, for 47. It is New Years Eve with testicles. It is the turducken of action movies. Rather than review the film, I thought I'd just rank those 11 names, in ascending order of Expendable...
Discussion Discussion: Surrounded By Assholes
If you've read our previous Discussion Discussions, or the Comment Of The Fortnight-Ish columns before those, by now you're likely familiar with how they work: we artfully (we hope) and circuitously (uh, yeah) lay out an argument for how best to conduct oneself down there, and hopefully by the end y...
TV Report On Texas High School Football Team Wins State Title For Repeating The Same Cliché
As Texas's defending Class 1A, Division I champions, the Mason Punchers are the pride of their central Texas town, population 2,000. But I dunno. I just can't think of the right way to sum up the theme of the Punchers' upcoming season. Maybe someone—the head coach, a couple of players, a reporter—...
Here Are A Bunch Of MLB Players Doing Funny Impressions Of <em>The Expendables</em> Cast
Allow me to self-plagiarize for a moment. A few members of the Deadspin staff, myself included, once went to the MLB Fan Cave. It was in many ways a soul-crushing place, where the Pepsi Max (but no other variety of Pepsi) was bottomless, and where Jeff Nelson was just hanging out, likely against his...
<em>Compliance</em>: A Grierson & Leitch Conversation About Pranks, Coercion, And Blowjobs
Compliance, which opens Friday, was one of the most debated movies at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. Starring Dreama Walker (now better known for Don't Trust the B—— in Apartment 23) and written and directed by Craig Zobel, it's a psychological thriller about an Ohio fast-food joint that becomes t...
Finally, Batman Meets USC With "Bane Kiffin"
You guys! I finally saw The Dark Knight Rises this weekend, so I totally get all the memes now. Here's a series with promise: Lane Kiffin, rocking the facegear, saying Laney/Baney things. [Bane Kiffin]...
Brother Of Former Mariner Greg Halman Will Not Face Jail Time For Greg's Murder Because Of Marijuana-Induced Psychosis
Greg Halman didn't get much of a shot in the major leagues. The Dutch-born outfielder had 116 at-bats spread across a few call-ups in 2010 and 2011, hitting .207 with a pair of home runs. Then, in November, the 24-year-old Halman was stabbed to death in the Rotterdam apartment he shared with his you...
Torii Hunter Accidentally Drills An Umpire In The Head With His Cleat
What a shitty season for umpire Greg Gibson. First, he gets a Stephen Strasburg fastball to the crotch in April. Now, he's actually in the correct position (as far as I can tell) for making the call on Torii Hunter's attempt to score last night, only to have Hunter's cleat roll up and clip him right...
Let's Save Jesse Eisenberg's Career
It hasn't been a good week for Jesse Eisenberg. On Sunday, when the cameras caught him watching Team USA's gold medal win over Spain, the broadcasters thought he was actually Mark Zuckerberg. On Wednesday, he "contributed" an "essay" to Dave Eggers' "90 Days, 90 Reasons" site that couldn't have made...
Big East Conference Drops Last Pretense, Hires TV Executive As Commissioner
The Big East hired Mike Aresco to be its commissioner yesterday. Here are actual quotes from the presidents of two of the league's member schools, from the statement announcing the decision:...
Joe Gibbs: "I Was Queer For Tight Ends"
Joe Gibbs was just on ESPN Radio and ESPN News with Ryen Russillo and Bram Weinstein, and he had an ... interesting way of expressing his feelings toward tight ends (and toward Charles Oakley, who had just finished his appearance on the show)....
Not Content With Ruining NFL Jerseys, Now Nike Wants To Take Over Game Balls Too
Wilson makes NFL game balls. Good ol' Wilson. They're headquartered in Chicago. The footballs are made in Ohio. They make tennis stuff and baseball stuff, and they've been around since 1913, doing good ol' Wilson things. Oh, don't mind us, we're just humble Wilson, content with our leather balls-n-l...
This Hiroki Kuroda Scouting Report Is Apparently Brought To You By His Frustrated Wife
As seen last night on the YES Network. Although, after his two-hit, complete-game shutout of the Rangers, opponents are hitting just .215 against Kuroda at Yankee Stadium....
Interview With The Vampire. <em>Cosmopolis</em> (Starring Robert Pattinson), Reviewed.
Rage is rarely cold. Whether it's the Tea Party or Occupy Wall Street or Network, discontent with the state of the world usually comes to us piping hot, often satisfyingly so. That's why it's so disconcerting when a movie goes the opposite route, serving up its message with a calm, dispassionate air...
Whither The Melkman
Batman is a man who dresses like a bat. Spider-Man is a man with the powers of an arachnid. Aquaman is worthless and should have been kicked out of the Superfriends a long time ago....